Why Gossip is Good
I used to try really hard to not talk shit about anyone. People I didn't know, my friends, even the usual easy targets for ridicule. I decided that it would make me a better person to never, ever talk shit about people, based on the simple principle of that if it hurts someone's feelings, it's bad. I would notice when I wanted to talk shit and I would stop myself. I would notice when I was talking shit and I would figure out why I did it (trying to make myself look better in contrast/give myself reassurance or validation/make up for an insecurity). Boy, was I happy to purge myself of negativity and prevent harm to others. I felt honorable and pure and happy to be doing the right thing. After all, karma says good things will come back to me, right? (See "Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K.) However, this was years ago, circa 9th or 10th grade. Now, I know that shit-talking is natural, unavoidable, and fun! Probably the biggest reason that I changed my mind about it is my slow realization that it's okay if people don't like me. I don't mind if anyone talks shit about me, I'm sure I do weird things that have potential for hilarious ridicule. Why shouldn't I indulge in my urges to crack jokes at the expense of others behind their backs? Those who are very close to me aren't included in this, however, because I would consider shit-talking to be a form of dishonesty. My old policy of no shit-talking was based on Christian principles of neighborly love. My new policy more closely reflects the ancient Greek gods, who fought, gossiped, killed, adultered, and acted like the foolish humans they ruled over. Seems more legit to me. If my goal is honesty, then letting out some healthy doses of shit talk are better than suppressed negative feelings towards someone. Shit talking just needs to be done right. If you're afraid of getting caught, you're doing it wrong. Shit talking needs to be unapologetic, raw, and real. It needs to be you-did-not-just-say-that funny. Life is too short to worry about everybody's feelings. You can't please everybody. We need to just accept the fact that we are all going to talk shit, we might as well agree to a shit-talking truce. It's not pretty, and it's not kind or generous, but it's more liberating than the first skinny dip of summer.
So, being nice has many different meanings. I'm a nice person because I give a lot of money and volunteer hours to local organizations. I'm a good person because I am thoughtful in my actions so as to help them and not interfere with their personal goals. However, I don't feel the need to be a saint. No one should pretend they don't have anything funny to say about weird people. It's simply a bold-faced lie. Humor is valuable. It's worth the risk to everyone's precious feelings.
So, being nice has many different meanings. I'm a nice person because I give a lot of money and volunteer hours to local organizations. I'm a good person because I am thoughtful in my actions so as to help them and not interfere with their personal goals. However, I don't feel the need to be a saint. No one should pretend they don't have anything funny to say about weird people. It's simply a bold-faced lie. Humor is valuable. It's worth the risk to everyone's precious feelings.