Just a little about me and how things have changed in the past year
I feel soo worthless disgusting and fat today. I tried doing the salt water flush... nothing came out! seriously wtf! I have done it like a million times before and for some reason yesterday it didn't work so I ended up consuming like 2 litres of salty water last morning without voiding...:P sorry if that grosses some of you out. I have a constant need to feel empty even if its gross or not really ridding myself of actual fat i craaave emptyness.
So as you can imagine feeling like a bloated piece of shit yesterday didn't help with my anxiety.
I haven't had sex with my boy friend since new years eve... (i know its not that long ago for most but for me thats a looong ass time to go without)
Its all because I feel to disgusting to be touched or seen in anything but a huge sweater and sweatpants.
I love my boyfriend soo much! The last year I was constantly posting all the shit my old bf used to do to me. How horrible he treated me and how scared I was to leave him.... well I did! And I met this guy who is soo down to earth with his shit together who is 420 friendly. :))) He is 11 years older than me (im 23) but I don't care and the best part is neither do my parents. We have been going out for 7 months now and there has been ups and downs but mostly due to me. I lost my self worth for a while and didn't care about myself and others and cheated on him a few times. (stupid stupid stupid) But i got myself together in that department and ALMOST stopped binging all together... just now I have gained 6lbs back and I am fully fully disgusted with myself. Ewww.
I need to lose 21lbs asap! to make up for the ones I gained back and for 15 more!
My goal is to eat low low low cal food and increase my intake my excersise for this week because I have this week off of work. I will also try to stop my purgin as much as possible because it fucks with my mood, appetite and my skin and im sure a miriad of worse things.
So today is day one! Im nervous. I don't have a plan in place yet....
TTSS
xoxo
J
So as you can imagine feeling like a bloated piece of shit yesterday didn't help with my anxiety.
I haven't had sex with my boy friend since new years eve... (i know its not that long ago for most but for me thats a looong ass time to go without)
Its all because I feel to disgusting to be touched or seen in anything but a huge sweater and sweatpants.
I love my boyfriend soo much! The last year I was constantly posting all the shit my old bf used to do to me. How horrible he treated me and how scared I was to leave him.... well I did! And I met this guy who is soo down to earth with his shit together who is 420 friendly. :))) He is 11 years older than me (im 23) but I don't care and the best part is neither do my parents. We have been going out for 7 months now and there has been ups and downs but mostly due to me. I lost my self worth for a while and didn't care about myself and others and cheated on him a few times. (stupid stupid stupid) But i got myself together in that department and ALMOST stopped binging all together... just now I have gained 6lbs back and I am fully fully disgusted with myself. Ewww.
I need to lose 21lbs asap! to make up for the ones I gained back and for 15 more!
My goal is to eat low low low cal food and increase my intake my excersise for this week because I have this week off of work. I will also try to stop my purgin as much as possible because it fucks with my mood, appetite and my skin and im sure a miriad of worse things.
So today is day one! Im nervous. I don't have a plan in place yet....
TTSS
xoxo
J