Fic: Drag me through the best of years (DW, Nyssa/Tegan)
Title: Drag me through the best of years
Author: aces
Fandom, characters: Doctor Who, Nyssa/Tegan, Five’s era
Rating: all ages
Word count: approx 2250 words
Summary: I want to see the colours of another sky - Mexico, the Staves
From this prompt, for livii:
The weird sisters, hand in hand,
Posters of the sea and land,
Thus do go about, about.
And so, in the end, after the Master and Logopolis and Event One and Castrovalva, when Tegan realized she was stuck on a time-traveling ship with a cricketer, an adolescent mathematical genius, and a pretty girl, she looked at the girl and said, “Well, now what?”
The only answer the girl gave her was a blink of the eyes and an inquiring look about her face.
Eventually Tegan realized Nyssa looked like that a lot.
*
Tegan wasn’t handling Auntie Vanessa’s death very well. She knew it when she melted down and tried to fly the TARDIS again, and the Doctor had to come rescue her and his ship. She wasn’t handling time and space travel very well; but then again, who would when their head was being invaded by the cultural artifact of a giant arsing snake representing Evil? Or something?
Nyssa moved into her room at some point very early on after they all found themselves traveling together. Tegan didn’t notice how it happened-maybe they’d always shared the room?-but sometimes she would wake up shouting and crying in the middle of the night, and she would find Nyssa sitting over her, hand tightly gripping one of her own, something more remote and sad about her face than the inquiring look from before.
“Rabbits,” Tegan would sigh, or “Sorry,” she would sniffle, and Nyssa would rarely respond verbally, only giving her hand a final squeeze before slipping back into her own bed. Sometimes it frustrated Tegan that Nyssa would be so quiet, as if she were respecting some absurd form of privacy when there was so obviously and patently nothing private about waking your roommate up with a scream or a sob.
Most of the time, Tegan was grateful for Nyssa’s discretion.
*
“We can’t just let them die out!” Tegan lashed out at the Doctor. She always seemed to be lashing out at him, or sniping with Adric; only with Nyssa could she be calm, and that worried her. She didn’t use to be like this, did she? She used to have more self-control than this, surely?
“I’m not suggesting that we do, Tegan, I’m merely suggesting that there is more to the situation than either you or I know-” the Doctor’s voice had turned to that patient tone that suggested he was one word away from gritting his teeth.
“I agree with Tegan,” Nyssa said softly, and the other three TARDIS travelers turned to look at her. She kept her gaze intently on the Doctor. “We cannot just let an entire species die out because we don’t have enough facts. We must in this instance act quickly.”
Tegan watched something twist on the Doctor’s face, something flicker through his eyes. “Nyssa,” he said gently-he always managed to be gentle with her--and she held up a hand.
“Please,” she said unsteadily, unable to meet his eyes, and turned, walking away quickly.
“What-” Tegan said in confusion.
“You do remember her entire world was wiped out, don’t you?” Adric replied impatiently as the Doctor strode after Nyssa, calling out her name.
No, actually, Tegan hadn’t remembered; or rather, she hadn’t thought, and she cursed herself for her own insensitivity. She hadn’t been there, standing with Nyssa while she watched her world disappear; and Nyssa-Nyssa never woke Tegan with her nightmares.
*
Tegan slipped into bed that night, and like every other night tried not to watch Nyssa skim into her nightgown and slide into her own bed. “I’m sorry,” she said at last, and immediately wished she could take the words back in. She wasn’t prepared for this conversation, hadn’t thought through clearly enough what she wanted to say. Bloody mouth on legs, traitorous mouth that paid no attention to what she thought.
That was always the way of it, wasn’t it? Too damned impulsive for her own bloody good.
“Sorry for what?” Nyssa asked, smoothing her covers down around her systematically, methodically, and absolutely refusing to meet Tegan’s gaze.
“For being a crybaby when you have bigger problems than I do,” Tegan said bluntly.
“But that’s ridiculous,” Nyssa replied just as frankly, once again surprising Tegan. But Nyssa’s directness was logical and scientific, as she proceeded to demonstrate by demolishing Tegan’s emotional argument. “My psychological problems and your psychological problems have no comparison, Tegan. We come from different cultures, different worlds, with different experiences, and we are two entirely separate and differently-formed individuals. Why should you compare your fears and griefs with mine?”
“Because you handle yours better than I do,” Tegan pointed out.
“I don’t know that I would agree with that,” Nyssa said, her candidness once again surprising the Australian. “You process your emotions and reactions quite quickly; you do not hold grudges.” Nyssa finally looked away, staring carefully at the wall. “I do not have such emotional luxuries, it appears to me.”
“Grudges?” Tegan frowned.
Nyssa shook her head and looked at Tegan again. “I am glad that I can provide you some comfort,” she said in a formal tone she sometimes adopted, one that Tegan had a feeling meant something to her but didn’t mean a bloody thing to Tegan. “I am glad that I can be helpful.”
“I wish I could help you more,” Tegan confessed from across the beds.
“You do, Tegan,” Nyssa smiled at her, “you do.”
*
“I lost my mother when I was very young,” Nyssa said, one arm wrapped around Tegan’s shoulders, hand stroking up and down Tegan’s arm as Tegan sobbed. Nyssa’s own voice wavered a little. “I had no mother for so long, but my father-my father-”
At that, Nyssa’s voice crumbled, and Tegan tightened both her arms around Nyssa, and they cried together.
“I didn’t even really like the little git,” Tegan muttered at one point, and both she and Nyssa giggled and choked and sobbed some more.
“I don’t want to lose anyone else,” Nyssa said. “I don’t want to lose anyone else. Please, Tegan, please-”
Tegan’s arms tightened around Nyssa. “I’m not going anywhere,” she said, and she wondered when the hell that had become true. “Shhh, shhh, Nyssa, Nyssa, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere.”
*
For a time, Nyssa was constrained when Tegan came back, after Amsterdam. She was so obviously delighted to see Tegan, welcomed her back onto the TARDIS, but after that, for a little while, she was polite to a fault, careful, kind, all the things she had been leaving behind around Tegan, at least in the privacy of their own room. Nyssa was funny, when she wanted to be and the jokes made sense to Tegan. Nyssa knew rude words and had been teaching Tegan Trakenite dances, all before Tegan accidentally got left behind.
“I didn’t mean to leave,” Tegan finally said one night as they prepared for bed.
Nyssa paused in the act of pulling her sheets back. “I know you didn’t,” she said at last, slipping underneath the covers and arranging herself comfortably.
“I know you know,” Tegan retorted, “but I think you’re still holding it against me, consciously or not.”
Nyssa blinked at her, inquiringly. Tegan rolled her eyes and sat down on the edge of Nyssa’s bed.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and put a hand against Nyssa’s cheek. “I’m sorry I left. I really didn’t mean to, not anymore, I like traveling in the TARDIS with you. And the Doctor.”
“Do you?” Nyssa looked up at her friend, then looked away just as quickly. “I wonder sometimes…worry. You so rarely seem happy. I thought you wanted to go back to your career-”
“That was a wash, wasn’t it,” Tegan snorted. She paused. “I realized, while I was on Earth, that it really was about the travel. I’ve learned a lot from these little adventures with the Doctor, I’ve learned a lot about seeing the universe a different way…I’ve learned a lot from you.” She looked down at Nyssa, a little shyly.
Nyssa leant up on an elbow and kissed her delicately on the lips. “And I from you, Tegan,” she said. “I-it was difficult after you left. I think both the Doctor and I were-lonely.” She smiled, shook her head a little. “It wasn’t the same.”
Tegan slipped an arm around Nyssa’s shoulders, and Nyssa kissed her again. “Is this acceptable? Does your culture have any taboos against kissing before marriage?”
“Kissing before marriage, no,” Tegan said. “Kissing other girls, possibly.”
“Oh.” Nyssa blinked at her, inquiringly, and Tegan laughed and kissed her nose.
“But that’s the point, isn’t it?” Tegan said. “The point of this traveling. To learn from each other. To see other skies.”
Nyssa smiled.
*
There is a moment, in the light of another world’s sun, a moment where Nyssa is splashing Tegan with pink water-so colored because of the bacteria in the ocean on this planet, Nyssa informs Tegan in all seriousness before Tegan splashes her because Nyssa is far too serious for her own good-a moment where Nyssa is giggling and shouting and sunburned a little pink herself, a moment where Tegan is hollering and laughing and splashing back and leans in to give Nyssa a kiss, and Nyssa kisses her back, and then the Doctor shows back up on the beach behind them, waving three ices he’d picked up from the cart further down, and they mutually decide he deserves a splashing, never mind the fact that he’s still in suspenders and candy-striped trousers-
There is a moment when Tegan realizes this is the happiest she’s been in a long time, and Nyssa smiles at her and, catching her mood, says, “Other skies indeed,” and Tegan cannot help but start laughing again.
*
“I wish we could stay longer, that’s all.” Nyssa’s tone was wistful. “Sometimes. Sometimes…”
Tegan lay very still in their bed-really, their two separate beds pushed together, but it counted-and watched Nyssa’s face. She felt like she was memorizing it because she didn’t know how much longer she’d see it every day.
“Sometimes?” she prodded quietly, after a moment.
“Sometimes I would like to see the results of our actions,” Nyssa finished after another long moment of studied silence. “We never have time to pause and think. We never have time to follow through. We never have time. It’s ironic, really, considering we travel in a time ship.”
Tegan took her hand, and Nyssa finally looked at her. She smiled and squeezed Tegan’s hand. “Sleep,” she said and nestled in next to Tegan. “We ought to sleep while we have the chance.”
“Maybe it would help to do some experiments,” Tegan said, just before they both dropped off. “Just-on your own, right? Keep your hand in.”
Nyssa kissed her cheek drowsily. “Perhaps,” she said. “Later. Later.”
They both fell asleep.
*
“You’re leaving me,” Tegan said blankly.
“Tegan, no,” Nyssa said, distressed, “no, I don’t mean-”
“You’re leaving me for a leper colony.”
“Tegan!” Nyssa’s voice cut across sharply, and Tegan flinched. “Listen to me, please,” the Trakenite begged, “you have to understand, I can do something here. I can make a practical difference.”
“No,” Tegan shook her head, “no, this isn’t right.” She turned away, started for the Doctor, but Nyssa swung her back around.
“Please, Tegan,” Nyssa said, and she wasn’t blinking inquiringly, she looked imploring. “Can you understand that I need to try standing on my own two feet? That I need to do this for myself?”
But still Tegan told the Doctor, and still Nyssa refused to stay.
“You never made me the same promise, did you,” Tegan sniffled, pulling away from Nyssa’s hug after the Doctor had already stepped away, still in shock. “You never promised you wouldn’t leave. More fool me.”
“Tegan-”
Tegan shook her head and gave Nyssa one last hug, one last kiss. “I know,” she said, “I know. Be as brave as I know you are, Nyssa, and as clever. Maybe we’ll see each other again someday.”
She didn’t believe it, but it made Nyssa give her a watery smile, and Tegan forced herself to walk away with the Doctor.
*
“Tegan!”
Tegan stopped walking through the weekend farmer’s market, jarred to a standstill by that voice. That voice, she hadn’t heard that voice in years.
“Tegan!”
She turned, hunting through the strangers surrounding her for a familiar face. “Nyssa?” she said tentatively, stopping at a round face framed by graying curly brown hair. “Nyssa?”
The other woman slipped through a group of tourists, past a mother juggling baby and toddler and two tote bags of vegetables, around an oblivious young couple too deeply involved in each other to notice anything around them. She stopped when she reached Tegan, reached out to cup Tegan’s cheek before stopping and catching herself, putting her hand back down.
“It’s good to see you,” Nyssa of Traken said, smiling, unshed tears glimmering in her eyes.
“But-” For once Tegan Jovanka, the mouth on legs, was wordless. “But-what are you doing here?”
“Somebody dropped me off here, in this time,” Nyssa said. “He had a bracelet, it works as a small teleportation device-”
Tegan raised a hand, cupped Nyssa’s cheek. Nyssa stopped speaking. “Why are you here?”
Nyssa took the hand Tegan had used to cup her cheek, squeezed it. “You promised me something once, Tegan,” she said, “it seemed only right that I should return the favor.” She smiled at Tegan again. “Besides, it’s been so long since I’ve seen the color of Earth’s sky.”
This entry was originally posted here. You can comment there or here.
Author: aces
Fandom, characters: Doctor Who, Nyssa/Tegan, Five’s era
Rating: all ages
Word count: approx 2250 words
Summary: I want to see the colours of another sky - Mexico, the Staves
From this prompt, for livii:
The weird sisters, hand in hand,
Posters of the sea and land,
Thus do go about, about.
And so, in the end, after the Master and Logopolis and Event One and Castrovalva, when Tegan realized she was stuck on a time-traveling ship with a cricketer, an adolescent mathematical genius, and a pretty girl, she looked at the girl and said, “Well, now what?”
The only answer the girl gave her was a blink of the eyes and an inquiring look about her face.
Eventually Tegan realized Nyssa looked like that a lot.
*
Tegan wasn’t handling Auntie Vanessa’s death very well. She knew it when she melted down and tried to fly the TARDIS again, and the Doctor had to come rescue her and his ship. She wasn’t handling time and space travel very well; but then again, who would when their head was being invaded by the cultural artifact of a giant arsing snake representing Evil? Or something?
Nyssa moved into her room at some point very early on after they all found themselves traveling together. Tegan didn’t notice how it happened-maybe they’d always shared the room?-but sometimes she would wake up shouting and crying in the middle of the night, and she would find Nyssa sitting over her, hand tightly gripping one of her own, something more remote and sad about her face than the inquiring look from before.
“Rabbits,” Tegan would sigh, or “Sorry,” she would sniffle, and Nyssa would rarely respond verbally, only giving her hand a final squeeze before slipping back into her own bed. Sometimes it frustrated Tegan that Nyssa would be so quiet, as if she were respecting some absurd form of privacy when there was so obviously and patently nothing private about waking your roommate up with a scream or a sob.
Most of the time, Tegan was grateful for Nyssa’s discretion.
*
“We can’t just let them die out!” Tegan lashed out at the Doctor. She always seemed to be lashing out at him, or sniping with Adric; only with Nyssa could she be calm, and that worried her. She didn’t use to be like this, did she? She used to have more self-control than this, surely?
“I’m not suggesting that we do, Tegan, I’m merely suggesting that there is more to the situation than either you or I know-” the Doctor’s voice had turned to that patient tone that suggested he was one word away from gritting his teeth.
“I agree with Tegan,” Nyssa said softly, and the other three TARDIS travelers turned to look at her. She kept her gaze intently on the Doctor. “We cannot just let an entire species die out because we don’t have enough facts. We must in this instance act quickly.”
Tegan watched something twist on the Doctor’s face, something flicker through his eyes. “Nyssa,” he said gently-he always managed to be gentle with her--and she held up a hand.
“Please,” she said unsteadily, unable to meet his eyes, and turned, walking away quickly.
“What-” Tegan said in confusion.
“You do remember her entire world was wiped out, don’t you?” Adric replied impatiently as the Doctor strode after Nyssa, calling out her name.
No, actually, Tegan hadn’t remembered; or rather, she hadn’t thought, and she cursed herself for her own insensitivity. She hadn’t been there, standing with Nyssa while she watched her world disappear; and Nyssa-Nyssa never woke Tegan with her nightmares.
*
Tegan slipped into bed that night, and like every other night tried not to watch Nyssa skim into her nightgown and slide into her own bed. “I’m sorry,” she said at last, and immediately wished she could take the words back in. She wasn’t prepared for this conversation, hadn’t thought through clearly enough what she wanted to say. Bloody mouth on legs, traitorous mouth that paid no attention to what she thought.
That was always the way of it, wasn’t it? Too damned impulsive for her own bloody good.
“Sorry for what?” Nyssa asked, smoothing her covers down around her systematically, methodically, and absolutely refusing to meet Tegan’s gaze.
“For being a crybaby when you have bigger problems than I do,” Tegan said bluntly.
“But that’s ridiculous,” Nyssa replied just as frankly, once again surprising Tegan. But Nyssa’s directness was logical and scientific, as she proceeded to demonstrate by demolishing Tegan’s emotional argument. “My psychological problems and your psychological problems have no comparison, Tegan. We come from different cultures, different worlds, with different experiences, and we are two entirely separate and differently-formed individuals. Why should you compare your fears and griefs with mine?”
“Because you handle yours better than I do,” Tegan pointed out.
“I don’t know that I would agree with that,” Nyssa said, her candidness once again surprising the Australian. “You process your emotions and reactions quite quickly; you do not hold grudges.” Nyssa finally looked away, staring carefully at the wall. “I do not have such emotional luxuries, it appears to me.”
“Grudges?” Tegan frowned.
Nyssa shook her head and looked at Tegan again. “I am glad that I can provide you some comfort,” she said in a formal tone she sometimes adopted, one that Tegan had a feeling meant something to her but didn’t mean a bloody thing to Tegan. “I am glad that I can be helpful.”
“I wish I could help you more,” Tegan confessed from across the beds.
“You do, Tegan,” Nyssa smiled at her, “you do.”
*
“I lost my mother when I was very young,” Nyssa said, one arm wrapped around Tegan’s shoulders, hand stroking up and down Tegan’s arm as Tegan sobbed. Nyssa’s own voice wavered a little. “I had no mother for so long, but my father-my father-”
At that, Nyssa’s voice crumbled, and Tegan tightened both her arms around Nyssa, and they cried together.
“I didn’t even really like the little git,” Tegan muttered at one point, and both she and Nyssa giggled and choked and sobbed some more.
“I don’t want to lose anyone else,” Nyssa said. “I don’t want to lose anyone else. Please, Tegan, please-”
Tegan’s arms tightened around Nyssa. “I’m not going anywhere,” she said, and she wondered when the hell that had become true. “Shhh, shhh, Nyssa, Nyssa, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere.”
*
For a time, Nyssa was constrained when Tegan came back, after Amsterdam. She was so obviously delighted to see Tegan, welcomed her back onto the TARDIS, but after that, for a little while, she was polite to a fault, careful, kind, all the things she had been leaving behind around Tegan, at least in the privacy of their own room. Nyssa was funny, when she wanted to be and the jokes made sense to Tegan. Nyssa knew rude words and had been teaching Tegan Trakenite dances, all before Tegan accidentally got left behind.
“I didn’t mean to leave,” Tegan finally said one night as they prepared for bed.
Nyssa paused in the act of pulling her sheets back. “I know you didn’t,” she said at last, slipping underneath the covers and arranging herself comfortably.
“I know you know,” Tegan retorted, “but I think you’re still holding it against me, consciously or not.”
Nyssa blinked at her, inquiringly. Tegan rolled her eyes and sat down on the edge of Nyssa’s bed.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and put a hand against Nyssa’s cheek. “I’m sorry I left. I really didn’t mean to, not anymore, I like traveling in the TARDIS with you. And the Doctor.”
“Do you?” Nyssa looked up at her friend, then looked away just as quickly. “I wonder sometimes…worry. You so rarely seem happy. I thought you wanted to go back to your career-”
“That was a wash, wasn’t it,” Tegan snorted. She paused. “I realized, while I was on Earth, that it really was about the travel. I’ve learned a lot from these little adventures with the Doctor, I’ve learned a lot about seeing the universe a different way…I’ve learned a lot from you.” She looked down at Nyssa, a little shyly.
Nyssa leant up on an elbow and kissed her delicately on the lips. “And I from you, Tegan,” she said. “I-it was difficult after you left. I think both the Doctor and I were-lonely.” She smiled, shook her head a little. “It wasn’t the same.”
Tegan slipped an arm around Nyssa’s shoulders, and Nyssa kissed her again. “Is this acceptable? Does your culture have any taboos against kissing before marriage?”
“Kissing before marriage, no,” Tegan said. “Kissing other girls, possibly.”
“Oh.” Nyssa blinked at her, inquiringly, and Tegan laughed and kissed her nose.
“But that’s the point, isn’t it?” Tegan said. “The point of this traveling. To learn from each other. To see other skies.”
Nyssa smiled.
*
There is a moment, in the light of another world’s sun, a moment where Nyssa is splashing Tegan with pink water-so colored because of the bacteria in the ocean on this planet, Nyssa informs Tegan in all seriousness before Tegan splashes her because Nyssa is far too serious for her own good-a moment where Nyssa is giggling and shouting and sunburned a little pink herself, a moment where Tegan is hollering and laughing and splashing back and leans in to give Nyssa a kiss, and Nyssa kisses her back, and then the Doctor shows back up on the beach behind them, waving three ices he’d picked up from the cart further down, and they mutually decide he deserves a splashing, never mind the fact that he’s still in suspenders and candy-striped trousers-
There is a moment when Tegan realizes this is the happiest she’s been in a long time, and Nyssa smiles at her and, catching her mood, says, “Other skies indeed,” and Tegan cannot help but start laughing again.
*
“I wish we could stay longer, that’s all.” Nyssa’s tone was wistful. “Sometimes. Sometimes…”
Tegan lay very still in their bed-really, their two separate beds pushed together, but it counted-and watched Nyssa’s face. She felt like she was memorizing it because she didn’t know how much longer she’d see it every day.
“Sometimes?” she prodded quietly, after a moment.
“Sometimes I would like to see the results of our actions,” Nyssa finished after another long moment of studied silence. “We never have time to pause and think. We never have time to follow through. We never have time. It’s ironic, really, considering we travel in a time ship.”
Tegan took her hand, and Nyssa finally looked at her. She smiled and squeezed Tegan’s hand. “Sleep,” she said and nestled in next to Tegan. “We ought to sleep while we have the chance.”
“Maybe it would help to do some experiments,” Tegan said, just before they both dropped off. “Just-on your own, right? Keep your hand in.”
Nyssa kissed her cheek drowsily. “Perhaps,” she said. “Later. Later.”
They both fell asleep.
*
“You’re leaving me,” Tegan said blankly.
“Tegan, no,” Nyssa said, distressed, “no, I don’t mean-”
“You’re leaving me for a leper colony.”
“Tegan!” Nyssa’s voice cut across sharply, and Tegan flinched. “Listen to me, please,” the Trakenite begged, “you have to understand, I can do something here. I can make a practical difference.”
“No,” Tegan shook her head, “no, this isn’t right.” She turned away, started for the Doctor, but Nyssa swung her back around.
“Please, Tegan,” Nyssa said, and she wasn’t blinking inquiringly, she looked imploring. “Can you understand that I need to try standing on my own two feet? That I need to do this for myself?”
But still Tegan told the Doctor, and still Nyssa refused to stay.
“You never made me the same promise, did you,” Tegan sniffled, pulling away from Nyssa’s hug after the Doctor had already stepped away, still in shock. “You never promised you wouldn’t leave. More fool me.”
“Tegan-”
Tegan shook her head and gave Nyssa one last hug, one last kiss. “I know,” she said, “I know. Be as brave as I know you are, Nyssa, and as clever. Maybe we’ll see each other again someday.”
She didn’t believe it, but it made Nyssa give her a watery smile, and Tegan forced herself to walk away with the Doctor.
*
“Tegan!”
Tegan stopped walking through the weekend farmer’s market, jarred to a standstill by that voice. That voice, she hadn’t heard that voice in years.
“Tegan!”
She turned, hunting through the strangers surrounding her for a familiar face. “Nyssa?” she said tentatively, stopping at a round face framed by graying curly brown hair. “Nyssa?”
The other woman slipped through a group of tourists, past a mother juggling baby and toddler and two tote bags of vegetables, around an oblivious young couple too deeply involved in each other to notice anything around them. She stopped when she reached Tegan, reached out to cup Tegan’s cheek before stopping and catching herself, putting her hand back down.
“It’s good to see you,” Nyssa of Traken said, smiling, unshed tears glimmering in her eyes.
“But-” For once Tegan Jovanka, the mouth on legs, was wordless. “But-what are you doing here?”
“Somebody dropped me off here, in this time,” Nyssa said. “He had a bracelet, it works as a small teleportation device-”
Tegan raised a hand, cupped Nyssa’s cheek. Nyssa stopped speaking. “Why are you here?”
Nyssa took the hand Tegan had used to cup her cheek, squeezed it. “You promised me something once, Tegan,” she said, “it seemed only right that I should return the favor.” She smiled at Tegan again. “Besides, it’s been so long since I’ve seen the color of Earth’s sky.”
This entry was originally posted here. You can comment there or here.