Confessions of an Addled Fangirl
Huh. So this is a little weird. Weird? No, that might not be the word for it. It's...eh. Yeah, weird. In a way that it's weird but not really and yet exceedingly so.
And now that I've confused I'm sure not only y'all but also myself...
I'm in a bit of a fandom fix. More of a fan fix. And not a good kinda fix where you're jonesing and then get your fix (like my finding the BS collection(inc. OVAs) last Friday 'n binge!watching after not seeing it since like eigth grade), but more like a kind of bindish fix. Wherein I'm finding myself wanting to slap the Whoniverse - well, Rusty in general - and just...eh. I'm eh. I thought it started when Sku unintentionally set my PPY muses free, but I'm finding, the more I think on it, that it's just how I've been since "Journey's End". (Best Suicide Scene/Description Award: Duncan Sheik. [/random])
I liked Journey's End. I really did. Yes, there were parts I didn't like, but overall - once I stopped fanbitching - I thought it was really good. But I'm finding as a result of my accepting it as good, I've kinda...just lost my DW muses. It's a result of a bunch of little (some big) things in the finale, but it's pretty much all I didn't like about the ep that's sent them packing. Donna, Hand!Ten, Rose, Mickey...a bunch of stuff.
It's just...and I hate saying this, but it all kinda hit me after watching Dr. Horrible. 'Cause, well...like Sku said: "Fuck RTD. (Evil Bastard) Award goes to Joss." See, Rusty? That's how you pull off an ending. Not this bullshit you shoved at us.
I feel horrible (as a Rose/DRose fan) for saying it, but I really think I would've been happier with the finale if Rose had died/had gone back to her universe without a Doctor copy. I know I should, as a shipper, be happy that Rusty gave us the best happy ending possible under the show's circumstances, but...y'know, sometimes you just don't want a happy ending. Sometimes the happy endings just weaken everything, and - for me - it keeps coming back to that. I knew the Doc was a bastard; anyone who watches the show knows that. And it's not character bashing because it's a simple fact of his character: he is a bastard. Not all the time, true, but there are some stellar examples of where oh hell yes, he is a bastard.
I'm willing to accept the argument that Hand!Ten is the Doc by virtue that his memories/feelings/etc. are the same, but at the same time I can't be happy with their ending because he's not the Doctor, or at least not her Doctor. Yeah, he's got those memories and the feelings associated with, but remember: he's got bits of Donna splashed in him, too. And while that should, logically, just make him even better...it didn't. It's that whole 'mixing of the awesomes' thing where it should work but just doesn't because each awesome deserves to remain unmeshed (but at the same time - and this confuses me even more - it worked for Donna; I love the DoctorDonna, but I don't really like the DonnaDoctor). He's got Nine's battle-headedness, Ten's memories/feelings, and Donna's perceptions - he's not Rose's Doctor, and I don't like how it's suddenly ok to just assume he is/that they'll live happily every after because of it. I don't think they will. I think she might love him eventually, but it's not gonna be the same because he's not the same - and in the end, neither is she. I have a WIP fic that's just festering now where I've got a bit in it where Hand!Ten asks her to, instead of thinking of him as the Doctor, think of him as someone else the Doctor left behind - and that's how they're able to forge ahead. That's how I see them working things out, as two people who were left behind and have to work towards the future from that. As Rusty left it, with how I think he wanted us to accept it, I think it just weakened her character and their story - and, again, proved just how much of a bastard the Doctor can be. So yeah, I would've been happier with Rose dying.
(Just something else I wanna point out: I don't like the whole "Oh, I can say 'I love you' so please choose me!" thing. My Rose, the one I usually try to work with because that's how I see her from canon, is the kind of Rose who never needed to hear the words because she knew. Yeah, would've been nice to hear 'em, but she would've been ok if she never had because she understood the Doc just couldn't say/think like that.)
And Donna. I would've been happier if the Doc had worked out a way to undo the metacrisis, 'cause you can't convince me that would be impossible, or if it had never happened. Yeah, if it never happened, I would've been golden. Or, again, if Donna had just died and gone taking Davros out with her (-coughtherapyficcough-). I just didn't like how she had to go back to how she was before with that horrible mother of hers.
Anyway, my JE ranting aside, point is...it's all culminated together to make me rather dispassionate about fanworking right now. I've got fics 'n pics festering, and every time I go to work on them I just kind fizzle out. (I have really simple pics that would be no sweat to finish, and what have I finished instead? A pic of Beth, some BS fanart, and a pic of Dr. Horrible. A BS ficlet that I'm debating whether or not if I should post. Nothing Who - 'cause I'm just not finding the "ZOMF YUS!" to do it, unless - sad to say - it's part of the Log, because the Log is a cracky LOLfest of happy endings that're totally inconceivable but hey, it's wonky 'n fun.)
So I guess the whole point of this is my muses have abandoned me, 'n I'm taking a weird sorta hiatus-but-not from Who. I'll still get stuff out, prob'ly, just not as fervently as before. It'll be more spread out among other works. (It's weird, but it's like...well, like right now I'd rather sit down for Dr. P and taquitos with Murakumo debating tree-huggers than I would pull up a chair next to the Doc and write out a fic with him.)
Fangirl bleh-ness aside, I really need some Broadway buddies nearby. =C Or find a way for Mum to be able to go to the Grand with her foot, 'cause yeah. I missed Bryan, and I hated that, but they just sent us an event schedule for the coming year. In November, Duncan Sheik is gonna be there with either the cast or some of the cast of Spring Awakening doing a concertized version of the play. (The description didn't make it clear; in the title it said it was the cast implying entire cast, but in the blurb about it it just said John Gallagher Jr. Still, Spring Awakening. Want to see). In February, they're bringing in this play - can't remember the title - that parodies/spoofs 30 different Broadway shows (from Annie to Phantom to Wicked to, hell yes, Avenue Q). Both have tickets under $40, and you've no idea how bad I wanna go. BROADWAY BUDDIES, I WISH YOU LIVED NEARBY.