Orient yourself away from money, please
Instead of making money this Monday afternoon and Tuesday, CRLT (whoever they are) would like me to spend that time at orientation. This is mandatory, no exceptions.
MONDAY
1-2pm: People you'll never meet are introduced. This exact schedule is read to you because there is no way anyone read it for themselves. A few minutes on crucial university policies.
2-3:30: An interactive theatre presentation that is neither interactive nor theatrical. Also, it is boring.
3:30-5: Your First Day of (Teaching) School. We tell you how to prepare to teach, even though it is too late to prepare now, and we will be taking up most of your time tomorrow, too.
TUESDAY
8:50-9:10am: Some bread we found down the street. Eat fast, time is money.
9:30-10: Another interactive presentation that is not interactive. This time, we explain how to explain things, with a mirror on either side of us, and while creating fractal patterns on a computer.
10am-12:15pm: We have some people you've never met criticize a presentation we made you come up with on the spot. Remember to relax.
12:30-1: Cram lunch down as fast as possible while GEO tries to get your attention about some union stuff. We weren't paying attention either.
1:15-2:45: One of eight sessions we're holding at the same time. We know you're stressing over which one to choose, especially because there are three you feel you could use, so to be safe, we made sure that any information given is obvious and not too helpful.
3-4:30: Another group of eight sessions for you to choose from. We even repeated a couple in case you couldn't make it to them earlier. Aren't you lucky?
I insist that my description is at least 95% accurate, and that's good enough for the social sciences. There is little I can do against so twisted a brand of bureaucracy, but I did make money while I was typing this, so I think that helps.
MONDAY
1-2pm: People you'll never meet are introduced. This exact schedule is read to you because there is no way anyone read it for themselves. A few minutes on crucial university policies.
2-3:30: An interactive theatre presentation that is neither interactive nor theatrical. Also, it is boring.
3:30-5: Your First Day of (Teaching) School. We tell you how to prepare to teach, even though it is too late to prepare now, and we will be taking up most of your time tomorrow, too.
TUESDAY
8:50-9:10am: Some bread we found down the street. Eat fast, time is money.
9:30-10: Another interactive presentation that is not interactive. This time, we explain how to explain things, with a mirror on either side of us, and while creating fractal patterns on a computer.
10am-12:15pm: We have some people you've never met criticize a presentation we made you come up with on the spot. Remember to relax.
12:30-1: Cram lunch down as fast as possible while GEO tries to get your attention about some union stuff. We weren't paying attention either.
1:15-2:45: One of eight sessions we're holding at the same time. We know you're stressing over which one to choose, especially because there are three you feel you could use, so to be safe, we made sure that any information given is obvious and not too helpful.
3-4:30: Another group of eight sessions for you to choose from. We even repeated a couple in case you couldn't make it to them earlier. Aren't you lucky?
I insist that my description is at least 95% accurate, and that's good enough for the social sciences. There is little I can do against so twisted a brand of bureaucracy, but I did make money while I was typing this, so I think that helps.