"I talk in circles, I make no sense / I get so nervous, no recompense"
So, because I am a spineless wuss of a man, I bitched out on the chance to make a move on asking a girl out tonight at Barnes & Noble, even though (to his credit, because he's an awesome friend) Axl was trying to get me to man up.
We went into the Barnes & Noble at Waterford Lakes after dinner at the Macaroni Grill tonight and I headed straight for the Music & Movies section, as I have a tendency to do, and working in there was an attractive young lady by the name of Andrea (she was wearing a name tag, lest you think I actually had the sac to even ask her name). I inquired about a few CDs (namely Kimya Dawson, The Moldy Peaches, Antsy Pants, Moot the Hoople and Joanna Newsom) which I had been introduced to through either outright or indirect connection to the soundtrack of Juno (awesome film, by the way, highest recommendation). She picked up upon this connection immediately and I high-fived her (yes, I am indeed an incredible dork) for this and because she also expressed an affinity for the soundtrack and said movie. While she was flipping through some of the CDs to try and help me locate the items I was seeking (which, by the way, they had none of. Bummer.) Axl quietly slipped up and told me domething to the effect of, "Dude, she's digging you, go for it" and then made himself scarce, more than likely to let me work my mojo (which will become apparent soon, I am sorely lacking). Once I was realized he might be correct and she may be indeed digging the cut of my jib after a bit more light discourse on the awesomeness of Juno (seriously, I cannot express my complete adoration of every aspect of this movie enough), I began to grow nervous and more than a bit timid. At this point, I kind of shut down mentally, and totally and completely lost her. Axl eventually came back around and wondered why I had not procured her number or a date or, y'know, anything, and I (I think, anyways) rather flippantly dismissed the query and the discussion altogether. I'm not big on regret, so I'm not going to use that word, but I couldn't help for the rest of the night wondering what the fuck happened to me and my stupid head. I'm really curious if I could have walked away from the encounter with something more than a major case of the what-ifs.
I really have no idea what my problem with women is. I'm fine speaking to them until there's the first sign that there might be an attraction, then I just freeze. I get nervous all of a sudden, incredibly self-conscious and have no idea what to do or say next. I just lock up. It's like there's some sort of short-circuit in my mind for some reason and my brain just starts to misfire. Axl even asked me why I wasn't going for it, as the only thing I risked was being turned down, which is true. I just have no idea what to do. I had a clear opportunity, and I didn't take it. Let's be perfectly honest here: the girl was beautiful and obviously had good taste in music and movies (from what little we talked) and, at least seemed, intelligent. Chances are she has a boyfriend. But, what if she didn't? What if she did indeed have some sort of weird attraction the the big, somewhat goofy guy asking about rather obscure music in a corporate-run bookstore? Why couldn't I stick my neck out for myself just this once? I'm willing to lay it on the line and go to bat for my friends at the drop of a hat. I have no real problem when meeting new people (at least not anymore. I think that comes from working years in the retail industry). So why do I have so much trouble getting over my stupid hangups and self-doubt when it comes to asking someone out?
Eh...screw it, I'm going to bed....
--Steven
We went into the Barnes & Noble at Waterford Lakes after dinner at the Macaroni Grill tonight and I headed straight for the Music & Movies section, as I have a tendency to do, and working in there was an attractive young lady by the name of Andrea (she was wearing a name tag, lest you think I actually had the sac to even ask her name). I inquired about a few CDs (namely Kimya Dawson, The Moldy Peaches, Antsy Pants, Moot the Hoople and Joanna Newsom) which I had been introduced to through either outright or indirect connection to the soundtrack of Juno (awesome film, by the way, highest recommendation). She picked up upon this connection immediately and I high-fived her (yes, I am indeed an incredible dork) for this and because she also expressed an affinity for the soundtrack and said movie. While she was flipping through some of the CDs to try and help me locate the items I was seeking (which, by the way, they had none of. Bummer.) Axl quietly slipped up and told me domething to the effect of, "Dude, she's digging you, go for it" and then made himself scarce, more than likely to let me work my mojo (which will become apparent soon, I am sorely lacking). Once I was realized he might be correct and she may be indeed digging the cut of my jib after a bit more light discourse on the awesomeness of Juno (seriously, I cannot express my complete adoration of every aspect of this movie enough), I began to grow nervous and more than a bit timid. At this point, I kind of shut down mentally, and totally and completely lost her. Axl eventually came back around and wondered why I had not procured her number or a date or, y'know, anything, and I (I think, anyways) rather flippantly dismissed the query and the discussion altogether. I'm not big on regret, so I'm not going to use that word, but I couldn't help for the rest of the night wondering what the fuck happened to me and my stupid head. I'm really curious if I could have walked away from the encounter with something more than a major case of the what-ifs.
I really have no idea what my problem with women is. I'm fine speaking to them until there's the first sign that there might be an attraction, then I just freeze. I get nervous all of a sudden, incredibly self-conscious and have no idea what to do or say next. I just lock up. It's like there's some sort of short-circuit in my mind for some reason and my brain just starts to misfire. Axl even asked me why I wasn't going for it, as the only thing I risked was being turned down, which is true. I just have no idea what to do. I had a clear opportunity, and I didn't take it. Let's be perfectly honest here: the girl was beautiful and obviously had good taste in music and movies (from what little we talked) and, at least seemed, intelligent. Chances are she has a boyfriend. But, what if she didn't? What if she did indeed have some sort of weird attraction the the big, somewhat goofy guy asking about rather obscure music in a corporate-run bookstore? Why couldn't I stick my neck out for myself just this once? I'm willing to lay it on the line and go to bat for my friends at the drop of a hat. I have no real problem when meeting new people (at least not anymore. I think that comes from working years in the retail industry). So why do I have so much trouble getting over my stupid hangups and self-doubt when it comes to asking someone out?
Eh...screw it, I'm going to bed....
--Steven