IT'S NOT RIGHT, BUT IT'S OKAY.
X Factor ranking time!
1. THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN
Most entertaining thing ever. Even without the bridge, which really cemented the performance's legendary status.
2. Olly "Keep Your Eyes On My Crotch" Murs
TAKE ME, HERE, UNDER THE DISCOBALL. *pyrotechnics*
3. Non-Threatening Boy
Aww.
4. Dermot "We Represent The Lollipop Guild" O'Lairy
5. Stacey from Dahjenham
Boring song yet again, but she is lovely.
6. Danyl "Bumlord" Johnson
"Nobody's heard this song yet!" enthuses Simon, except for those times we heard it as incidental music on THIS SHOW SEVERAL WEEKS BACK, WHEN IT SOUNDED BETTER.
7. Eyebrow McHat
Literally not bad tonight. Still not fond.
8. Welsh Jailbait
I actually LIKED the arrangement, but it was too much for him and pretty boring.
9. Floating Bubble Chair
I like her more when she's doing uptempo stuff, but this was all over the fucking joint. HOW WILL I KNOW? is the best Whitney song though, so good for her.
10. Miss Wank
I WANTED THEM TO WOW ME AGAIN THIS WEEK. But they did not. The bookends were a little pitchy, dawg, and it was a boring song choice. Please amaze me next week, hos.
11. "Jamie" "Afro"
Horrible horrible horrible dull dull dull nobody gives a shit about this song.
NOT RANKED - Ugly Jacket
She's got potential, but she might be bottom two again this week. Her problem isn't that she's shit, it's that she's no longer standing out. Seriously can't even remember her performance save for the fugly outfit.
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT - Cheryl "Tears Before Bedtime" Cole
1. THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN
Most entertaining thing ever. Even without the bridge, which really cemented the performance's legendary status.
2. Olly "Keep Your Eyes On My Crotch" Murs
TAKE ME, HERE, UNDER THE DISCOBALL. *pyrotechnics*
3. Non-Threatening Boy
Aww.
4. Dermot "We Represent The Lollipop Guild" O'Lairy
5. Stacey from Dahjenham
Boring song yet again, but she is lovely.
6. Danyl "Bumlord" Johnson
"Nobody's heard this song yet!" enthuses Simon, except for those times we heard it as incidental music on THIS SHOW SEVERAL WEEKS BACK, WHEN IT SOUNDED BETTER.
7. Eyebrow McHat
Literally not bad tonight. Still not fond.
8. Welsh Jailbait
I actually LIKED the arrangement, but it was too much for him and pretty boring.
9. Floating Bubble Chair
I like her more when she's doing uptempo stuff, but this was all over the fucking joint. HOW WILL I KNOW? is the best Whitney song though, so good for her.
10. Miss Wank
I WANTED THEM TO WOW ME AGAIN THIS WEEK. But they did not. The bookends were a little pitchy, dawg, and it was a boring song choice. Please amaze me next week, hos.
11. "Jamie" "Afro"
Horrible horrible horrible dull dull dull nobody gives a shit about this song.
NOT RANKED - Ugly Jacket
She's got potential, but she might be bottom two again this week. Her problem isn't that she's shit, it's that she's no longer standing out. Seriously can't even remember her performance save for the fugly outfit.
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT - Cheryl "Tears Before Bedtime" Cole