(no subject)
I feel desperate for somebody to talk to but there isn't anybody around. I feel so depressed and unwanted. No one has made me feel this worthless in a long time. How can someone tell you that they are "very lucky to have you as a friend and wouldn't trade it for anything" and then cancel every plan they have made with you the week after saying that? How are you supposed to believe that person, especially when they have to know how upset you are. Especially when you've flat out said to them that you feel like they are avoiding you and they just say that you are being paranoid. I have never felt so disposable and so replaceable. Why do I care so much? I wish I didn't. I wish I could just say fuck it, this friendship isn't worth my time. But I can't change how I feel. All I want is to feel wanted, to feel loved, to feel like I mean something and I feel like I just keep getting rejected with every time I reach out. You tell someone your biggest secret. You talk openly with them about it, they seem to not be turned away by it, they seem to even understand and accept it. They even support you, but then they ignore you. Are these two things related? Maybe they are. Maybe they're not. I don't know. Nothing makes sense. I wish I could just be okay with being alone.