[SJ]Fear of wings
Title: Fear of wings
Author: diepi@winters18
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: PG
Pairing: KangTeuk, Eunhae mentioned
Disclaimer: I’m deprived of a lot of things and that includes SJ.
Summary: Eeteuk gets a surprise visit at the dead of the night.
Warning: Unbetaed. Draft. Kangin's recent DUI incident mentioned. Uh... Spoiler for this week's Star King...??
A/N:
Uh... I kinda rambled too long...? To be honest, Kangin's never been a member I'm particularly fond of and partly so, I'm not sure how IC Kangin is here but as weird as it is given my preference, I'm as big a shipper of Kangteuk as I am of Eunhae and when the idea came, I knew it had to be Kangteuk. Hope you enjoy.
:::::Fear of wings by DiePi:::::
Eeteuk knitted his brows and let out a groan, certain that he was not supposed to be waking up already. It had barely been an hour since he had fallen asleep and for days he had only managed to toss and turn in the darkness, his worries eating him away in the inside. He wanted to, no, needed some decent hours of sleep if the dark bags under his eyes were to get any lighter and upset his dongsaengs a little less.
With the sign of his irritation, whatever it was that had dragged him out of his rest seemed to have disappeared, and mildly content, Eeteuk was about to head back to the dreamland when he felt it more clearly this time; a fingertip, tracing a line along the shoulder blade length down his back. Eeteuk’s first thought in his muddled state was that it was Donghae fooling around again. It was Donghae after all, and if the younger one had sneaked into his bed before, what was to stop him from painting an invisible drawing on his back?
However, as he was about to grumble something that Siwon would certainly not have approved of, something in the light touch made Eeteuk turn his back to the idea and instead open his bleary eyes a little. There was subtle tenderness and uncertainty in the airy trailing, neither of them befitting Donghae’s prank.
“…Who…?” Eeteuk croaked, his voice heavily laced with fatigue but lacking any guardedness. Any normal person would have screamed bloody murder to find an intruder in their room at the dead of the night, but this was Super Junior’s dorm and Eeteuk by now could tell whether it was a member or not by the presence alone.
The feather light contact disappeared the moment Eeteuk made sound and covering his tired sigh with the ruffling of the blanket, Eeteuk slowly turned around and sat up. Another crisis for the mother of the group to handle, probably. Being a leader might have advantages but at times like this, Eeteuk could not help but wish that someone else took over his role just for once.
“Who-“
“Hyung.”
It was soft, barely above a whisper, that would have gone unheard at the slightest of a wind, but it was enough to draw a gasp out of the unsuspecting leader at the realization of who the other one was. The remaining fog of drowsiness cleared faster than he could blink and clutching the pure white blanket, Eeteuk stared into the darkness, willing his eyes to quickly get used to it. He did not dare believe it, not after so many weeks of silence from the most troublesome member he still loved dearly, but he would not mistake that slightly husky voice with anything else even in his sleep. It took him a few seconds to find his voice again, and when he did, his heart was racing and tears had already sprung in his eyes.
“…Youngwoon?”
“…Yeah,” came the whisper again, and Eeteuk let out breathe he had not realized he was holding, “it’s me.”
As his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, Eeteuk could slowly make the silhouette of Kangin’s frame, perched at the edge of his bed. Eeteuk blinked, blinked and blinked. Last time he had seen Kangin was a few days after the accident before he left the dorm to stay with his family. Eeteuk had spent all of what little time they had together reassuring the younger one that though he should pay the price for his deeds, Super Junior would be always here for him, that he would always be here for him. But Kangin had been a mess right until he had left, and the last image imprinted in Eeteuk’s memory was his beloved raccoon’s teary eyes staring at him from behind the shut car window, too many emotions in a whirlwind of fear and confusion.
And suddenly, Kangin was here, right in front of him, in the middle of the night. For a brief moment, Eeteuk wondered if he was hallucinating; he had not slept well since Kangin had left, and the lack of sleep for that long seemed to be a feasible cause. At that moment, Kangin lifted his hand as if he had read the leader’s mind and cupped Eeteuk’s cheek gently, shattering any doubts Eeteuk had.
“Young-“ Eeteuk started, only to give a way to a stifled sob. The warmth on his face was real, so real, and he didn’t know whether Kangin was finally ready to come back to them, to him, but it didn’t matter right now because Kangin was here and at least for now, Super Junior was whole again.
“Shhh,” Kangin murmured quietly, his voice just as wet as the cheek he held in his hand, and softly brushed away Eeteuk’s tears with his thumb. A few more sniffles filled the room before Eeteuk grabbed Kangin’s wrist with surprising strength.
“We… I, I need to see you and we need to talk. Let’s go out to the living room.”
“No need, Donghae’s gone to sleep in Hyukjae’s room tonight. I met him on his way out.”
Eeteuk scoffed despite the sobs that hitched his breathing.
“You mean, with Hyukjae.”
It made Kangin chuckle as well but the mirth barely lasted more than two seconds as the two found each other’s gaze. The silence held so many words they wanted to say, the soundless screams deafening their ears, that all they could do was gaze at each other and listen to the ringing echoes audible only to them.
But as minutes passed and his shocked heart calmed down, Eeteuk could no longer suppress the need to give sounds to those desperate words and to hear the voice he had missed so much. Slowly, he uncurled his fingers from the younger’s wrist and moved up his hand to place it atop the one still resting on his face, nuzzling the heat.
“Why didn’t you wake me up straight away? How long have you been here?”
“Not long. I…” Kangin trailed off. Eeteuk felt his eyes growing wet once more at the instability shaking Kangin’s voice and gave a soft squeeze on the hand below his. The words ‘It’s okay’ hung at the tip of his tongue but he could not say them when both of them knew it wasn’t and Eeteuk could not come up with anything except a warm embrace for his distressed raccoon. But just as he shifted, Kangin suddenly lunged forward, sweeping him into his arms, making him yelp in surprise.
“Hyung,” Eeteuk heard Kangin mutter into his ear, “I know I don’t deserve to ask you of this, but I’m selfish like that and you’ve always been an angel that you say you are, so please, please don’t leave me.”
All the words came out in a rush in a mess of jumble but Eeteuk had managed to catch every single word of it and the first word had already made him break out in fresh sobs into Kangin’s broad shoulder. Clutching the back of Kangin’s jacket - he had not realized that Kangin was still in his outerwear - Eeteuk nodded again and again until he felt dizzy, trying to breathe and cry and speak at the same time and coming out with nothing coherent. One nod for never, one nod for welcome back, one nod for I still love you, then another, then another; his nodding grew bigger and bigger as he felt warm moisture soaking the shoulder of his white pajama top.
For how long they held onto each other like that, they did not know, and it didn’t matter. The arms wound around each other, the hitched breaths in their ears, and the warmth mingling with each other told them that they were here together to share and spill out all their worries and fears to their hearts’ content and neither of them were about to let go of the other anytime soon.
It was when the streetlamps had clocked off from their night shift that Eeteuk found himself tucked in Kangin’s arms that held him tight from behind, Kangin’s chin resting on his shoulder, their tears dried, breathing calm, and feeling completely drained. There was no doubt over how broken Kangin’s sleep would have been in the last few weeks and with the intensity that had filled the night, both were ready to doze off at the drop of a hat whether they wanted to or not. The little jerks on his shoulder told Eeteuk that Kangin was in similar state as him and with a dimpled smile that had not been seen for too long curling his lips, he clasped his hands around Kangin’s interlocked one on his tummy and was about to let go of the losing battle with sleep when he suddenly remembered something.
“Youngwoon,” he called softly but there was no answer and he rolled his shoulder, chuckling quietly at the drowsy groan.
“Huh?” Kangin managed to mumble and Eeteuk snuggled into his raccoon a little more before he asked, “Before I woke up… What were you doing, tracing a line on my back?”
Eeteuk felt Kangin stiffen a little as soon as he asked the question. Worried that he had popped a wrong question, he made to turn around but Kangin tightened his hold, restricting him.
“It’s kinda embarrassing so I won’t be able to tell you with you looking at me.”
“But you’ll still tell me?”
It couldn’t be helped if he sounded a little surprised. Kangin was one of the most obstinate people Eeteuk had met and if Kangin did not want to let you in, even Eeteuk could not make him change his mind.
“Because it’s you who asked,” Kangin replied and unaware of the heat that his words had ignited on his beloved leader’s face, he continued. “I was thinking of how you call yourself an angel and how much of one you really are as well. You were there sleeping, surrounded in white, and… if you sprouted wings there… it felt like… you’d fly away from me.”
Eeteuk swore he must be well on way to complete dehydration, chuckling as his vision turned blurry for the umpteenth time tonight.
“I’m an angel who lost the wings, remember? Even if I ‘sprouted’ them, as you say, I’d never leave you or any other members. Who’d be the leader then? Cinderella? Hankyung who still can’t speak Korean fluently?”
“God forbid,” Kangin muttered with a hint of grin as he pressed his lips at the crook of Eeteuk’s neck. It earned him a delicious shiver and a soft pat on his head and Kangin had to roll his eyes at himself because those simple things were making him ridiculously happy. At last, he was feeling at home, home of his peace and quiet, holding Eeteuk in his arms and relieved that he had not lost his angel. Then the empty bed on the other side of the room caught his eyes and now that he had collected himself, something about Donghae returned to him.
“By the way, Donghae was not looking all that happy for a guy eloping to his boyfriend’s room. What happened?”
The question brought out the characteristic laughter from Eeteuk, his shoulders shaking wildly that Kangin had to lift his head off them.
“Did you watch Star King?”
“The latest? Yeah.”
“Remember that bit where the giant guy, uh, demonstrated how he kisses with his girlfriend?”
“…But it’s not like Hyukjae volunteered himself for it.”
“I think it’s got more to do with his reaction afterwards.”
“And Donghae doesn’t know it was just for the show?”
Eeteuk twisted around and looked up at Kangin with a quirked brow.
“Who says he doesn’t?”
Realization lit up Kangin’s eyes and Eeteuk watched with fondness as they curved into half-moons just like they used to.
“What’s happened to the innocent Fishy I knew?”
“The innocent Fishy fell in love with the clueless Monkey and happened to have the best teacher right in his room.”
“Hyung!”
Another high-pitched guffaw echoed in the room, Kangin’s pretentious but rather realistic scandalized look prolonging it. Once it died out, Eeteuk settled back in Kangin’s arms comfortably and patted the muscular arm around him.
“It doesn’t happen very often. Donghae had been away for so long because of SJM and you know how busy we have been during the 3rd album promo. They’ve got huge backlog to catch up.”
“Which means none of the 11th floor would’ve got any sleep tonight. Those four must be all glued to the door of Hyukjae’s room. I swear, the 12th floor might be the noisy lot but it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out.”
Eeteuk freely let out another laugh, his smile stretching wider when Kangin’s lower-toned one joined his; he had missed this, this little chitchats of nothing between him and Kangin that had fluency that Hankyung could not give and a little less bite than Heechul. The weight that had been crushing him silently had never felt lighter. The reality had not changed and conflicts and media mines were littered ahead of them but he felt he could breathe again and he was determined to make the best of this precious moment.
A cheeky smile adorned Eeteuk’s face as he slipped out of Kangin’s arms and Kangin looked at him in confusion then apprehension once he noticed the mischief glistening in the reddened eyes.
“Now what?”
“Unfortunately, it’s the parent’s job to wake up the children. Let’s drop in for good morning visits.”
Kangin frowned.
“Now?”
“When’s better time?”
A picture of the four supposedly innocent and/or young - because it was debatable depending on who you were talking about - members all crowded around a door and their expressions when found came to Kangin’s mind and he was instantly out of the bed. He grabbed Eeteuk’s hand, clutching it tightly, and his heart swelled when the elder returned the hold just as firmly.
“Let’s go, Angel-Teuk.”
The name was laced with sarcasm at the evil smile on Eeteuk but the leader let it slide for something more important; a reminder.
“Don’t forget; it’s a wingless angel.”
Kangin smiled, dropping a kiss on Eeteuk's dimple.
“I won’t.”
Author: diepi@winters18
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: PG
Pairing: KangTeuk, Eunhae mentioned
Disclaimer: I’m deprived of a lot of things and that includes SJ.
Summary: Eeteuk gets a surprise visit at the dead of the night.
Warning: Unbetaed. Draft. Kangin's recent DUI incident mentioned. Uh... Spoiler for this week's Star King...??
A/N:
Uh... I kinda rambled too long...? To be honest, Kangin's never been a member I'm particularly fond of and partly so, I'm not sure how IC Kangin is here but as weird as it is given my preference, I'm as big a shipper of Kangteuk as I am of Eunhae and when the idea came, I knew it had to be Kangteuk. Hope you enjoy.
:::::Fear of wings by DiePi:::::
Eeteuk knitted his brows and let out a groan, certain that he was not supposed to be waking up already. It had barely been an hour since he had fallen asleep and for days he had only managed to toss and turn in the darkness, his worries eating him away in the inside. He wanted to, no, needed some decent hours of sleep if the dark bags under his eyes were to get any lighter and upset his dongsaengs a little less.
With the sign of his irritation, whatever it was that had dragged him out of his rest seemed to have disappeared, and mildly content, Eeteuk was about to head back to the dreamland when he felt it more clearly this time; a fingertip, tracing a line along the shoulder blade length down his back. Eeteuk’s first thought in his muddled state was that it was Donghae fooling around again. It was Donghae after all, and if the younger one had sneaked into his bed before, what was to stop him from painting an invisible drawing on his back?
However, as he was about to grumble something that Siwon would certainly not have approved of, something in the light touch made Eeteuk turn his back to the idea and instead open his bleary eyes a little. There was subtle tenderness and uncertainty in the airy trailing, neither of them befitting Donghae’s prank.
“…Who…?” Eeteuk croaked, his voice heavily laced with fatigue but lacking any guardedness. Any normal person would have screamed bloody murder to find an intruder in their room at the dead of the night, but this was Super Junior’s dorm and Eeteuk by now could tell whether it was a member or not by the presence alone.
The feather light contact disappeared the moment Eeteuk made sound and covering his tired sigh with the ruffling of the blanket, Eeteuk slowly turned around and sat up. Another crisis for the mother of the group to handle, probably. Being a leader might have advantages but at times like this, Eeteuk could not help but wish that someone else took over his role just for once.
“Who-“
“Hyung.”
It was soft, barely above a whisper, that would have gone unheard at the slightest of a wind, but it was enough to draw a gasp out of the unsuspecting leader at the realization of who the other one was. The remaining fog of drowsiness cleared faster than he could blink and clutching the pure white blanket, Eeteuk stared into the darkness, willing his eyes to quickly get used to it. He did not dare believe it, not after so many weeks of silence from the most troublesome member he still loved dearly, but he would not mistake that slightly husky voice with anything else even in his sleep. It took him a few seconds to find his voice again, and when he did, his heart was racing and tears had already sprung in his eyes.
“…Youngwoon?”
“…Yeah,” came the whisper again, and Eeteuk let out breathe he had not realized he was holding, “it’s me.”
As his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, Eeteuk could slowly make the silhouette of Kangin’s frame, perched at the edge of his bed. Eeteuk blinked, blinked and blinked. Last time he had seen Kangin was a few days after the accident before he left the dorm to stay with his family. Eeteuk had spent all of what little time they had together reassuring the younger one that though he should pay the price for his deeds, Super Junior would be always here for him, that he would always be here for him. But Kangin had been a mess right until he had left, and the last image imprinted in Eeteuk’s memory was his beloved raccoon’s teary eyes staring at him from behind the shut car window, too many emotions in a whirlwind of fear and confusion.
And suddenly, Kangin was here, right in front of him, in the middle of the night. For a brief moment, Eeteuk wondered if he was hallucinating; he had not slept well since Kangin had left, and the lack of sleep for that long seemed to be a feasible cause. At that moment, Kangin lifted his hand as if he had read the leader’s mind and cupped Eeteuk’s cheek gently, shattering any doubts Eeteuk had.
“Young-“ Eeteuk started, only to give a way to a stifled sob. The warmth on his face was real, so real, and he didn’t know whether Kangin was finally ready to come back to them, to him, but it didn’t matter right now because Kangin was here and at least for now, Super Junior was whole again.
“Shhh,” Kangin murmured quietly, his voice just as wet as the cheek he held in his hand, and softly brushed away Eeteuk’s tears with his thumb. A few more sniffles filled the room before Eeteuk grabbed Kangin’s wrist with surprising strength.
“We… I, I need to see you and we need to talk. Let’s go out to the living room.”
“No need, Donghae’s gone to sleep in Hyukjae’s room tonight. I met him on his way out.”
Eeteuk scoffed despite the sobs that hitched his breathing.
“You mean, with Hyukjae.”
It made Kangin chuckle as well but the mirth barely lasted more than two seconds as the two found each other’s gaze. The silence held so many words they wanted to say, the soundless screams deafening their ears, that all they could do was gaze at each other and listen to the ringing echoes audible only to them.
But as minutes passed and his shocked heart calmed down, Eeteuk could no longer suppress the need to give sounds to those desperate words and to hear the voice he had missed so much. Slowly, he uncurled his fingers from the younger’s wrist and moved up his hand to place it atop the one still resting on his face, nuzzling the heat.
“Why didn’t you wake me up straight away? How long have you been here?”
“Not long. I…” Kangin trailed off. Eeteuk felt his eyes growing wet once more at the instability shaking Kangin’s voice and gave a soft squeeze on the hand below his. The words ‘It’s okay’ hung at the tip of his tongue but he could not say them when both of them knew it wasn’t and Eeteuk could not come up with anything except a warm embrace for his distressed raccoon. But just as he shifted, Kangin suddenly lunged forward, sweeping him into his arms, making him yelp in surprise.
“Hyung,” Eeteuk heard Kangin mutter into his ear, “I know I don’t deserve to ask you of this, but I’m selfish like that and you’ve always been an angel that you say you are, so please, please don’t leave me.”
All the words came out in a rush in a mess of jumble but Eeteuk had managed to catch every single word of it and the first word had already made him break out in fresh sobs into Kangin’s broad shoulder. Clutching the back of Kangin’s jacket - he had not realized that Kangin was still in his outerwear - Eeteuk nodded again and again until he felt dizzy, trying to breathe and cry and speak at the same time and coming out with nothing coherent. One nod for never, one nod for welcome back, one nod for I still love you, then another, then another; his nodding grew bigger and bigger as he felt warm moisture soaking the shoulder of his white pajama top.
For how long they held onto each other like that, they did not know, and it didn’t matter. The arms wound around each other, the hitched breaths in their ears, and the warmth mingling with each other told them that they were here together to share and spill out all their worries and fears to their hearts’ content and neither of them were about to let go of the other anytime soon.
It was when the streetlamps had clocked off from their night shift that Eeteuk found himself tucked in Kangin’s arms that held him tight from behind, Kangin’s chin resting on his shoulder, their tears dried, breathing calm, and feeling completely drained. There was no doubt over how broken Kangin’s sleep would have been in the last few weeks and with the intensity that had filled the night, both were ready to doze off at the drop of a hat whether they wanted to or not. The little jerks on his shoulder told Eeteuk that Kangin was in similar state as him and with a dimpled smile that had not been seen for too long curling his lips, he clasped his hands around Kangin’s interlocked one on his tummy and was about to let go of the losing battle with sleep when he suddenly remembered something.
“Youngwoon,” he called softly but there was no answer and he rolled his shoulder, chuckling quietly at the drowsy groan.
“Huh?” Kangin managed to mumble and Eeteuk snuggled into his raccoon a little more before he asked, “Before I woke up… What were you doing, tracing a line on my back?”
Eeteuk felt Kangin stiffen a little as soon as he asked the question. Worried that he had popped a wrong question, he made to turn around but Kangin tightened his hold, restricting him.
“It’s kinda embarrassing so I won’t be able to tell you with you looking at me.”
“But you’ll still tell me?”
It couldn’t be helped if he sounded a little surprised. Kangin was one of the most obstinate people Eeteuk had met and if Kangin did not want to let you in, even Eeteuk could not make him change his mind.
“Because it’s you who asked,” Kangin replied and unaware of the heat that his words had ignited on his beloved leader’s face, he continued. “I was thinking of how you call yourself an angel and how much of one you really are as well. You were there sleeping, surrounded in white, and… if you sprouted wings there… it felt like… you’d fly away from me.”
Eeteuk swore he must be well on way to complete dehydration, chuckling as his vision turned blurry for the umpteenth time tonight.
“I’m an angel who lost the wings, remember? Even if I ‘sprouted’ them, as you say, I’d never leave you or any other members. Who’d be the leader then? Cinderella? Hankyung who still can’t speak Korean fluently?”
“God forbid,” Kangin muttered with a hint of grin as he pressed his lips at the crook of Eeteuk’s neck. It earned him a delicious shiver and a soft pat on his head and Kangin had to roll his eyes at himself because those simple things were making him ridiculously happy. At last, he was feeling at home, home of his peace and quiet, holding Eeteuk in his arms and relieved that he had not lost his angel. Then the empty bed on the other side of the room caught his eyes and now that he had collected himself, something about Donghae returned to him.
“By the way, Donghae was not looking all that happy for a guy eloping to his boyfriend’s room. What happened?”
The question brought out the characteristic laughter from Eeteuk, his shoulders shaking wildly that Kangin had to lift his head off them.
“Did you watch Star King?”
“The latest? Yeah.”
“Remember that bit where the giant guy, uh, demonstrated how he kisses with his girlfriend?”
“…But it’s not like Hyukjae volunteered himself for it.”
“I think it’s got more to do with his reaction afterwards.”
“And Donghae doesn’t know it was just for the show?”
Eeteuk twisted around and looked up at Kangin with a quirked brow.
“Who says he doesn’t?”
Realization lit up Kangin’s eyes and Eeteuk watched with fondness as they curved into half-moons just like they used to.
“What’s happened to the innocent Fishy I knew?”
“The innocent Fishy fell in love with the clueless Monkey and happened to have the best teacher right in his room.”
“Hyung!”
Another high-pitched guffaw echoed in the room, Kangin’s pretentious but rather realistic scandalized look prolonging it. Once it died out, Eeteuk settled back in Kangin’s arms comfortably and patted the muscular arm around him.
“It doesn’t happen very often. Donghae had been away for so long because of SJM and you know how busy we have been during the 3rd album promo. They’ve got huge backlog to catch up.”
“Which means none of the 11th floor would’ve got any sleep tonight. Those four must be all glued to the door of Hyukjae’s room. I swear, the 12th floor might be the noisy lot but it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out.”
Eeteuk freely let out another laugh, his smile stretching wider when Kangin’s lower-toned one joined his; he had missed this, this little chitchats of nothing between him and Kangin that had fluency that Hankyung could not give and a little less bite than Heechul. The weight that had been crushing him silently had never felt lighter. The reality had not changed and conflicts and media mines were littered ahead of them but he felt he could breathe again and he was determined to make the best of this precious moment.
A cheeky smile adorned Eeteuk’s face as he slipped out of Kangin’s arms and Kangin looked at him in confusion then apprehension once he noticed the mischief glistening in the reddened eyes.
“Now what?”
“Unfortunately, it’s the parent’s job to wake up the children. Let’s drop in for good morning visits.”
Kangin frowned.
“Now?”
“When’s better time?”
A picture of the four supposedly innocent and/or young - because it was debatable depending on who you were talking about - members all crowded around a door and their expressions when found came to Kangin’s mind and he was instantly out of the bed. He grabbed Eeteuk’s hand, clutching it tightly, and his heart swelled when the elder returned the hold just as firmly.
“Let’s go, Angel-Teuk.”
The name was laced with sarcasm at the evil smile on Eeteuk but the leader let it slide for something more important; a reminder.
“Don’t forget; it’s a wingless angel.”
Kangin smiled, dropping a kiss on Eeteuk's dimple.
“I won’t.”