The Case of the Confusing Mother-in-Law, Part ???
Many of you readers will remember the various and sundry rants and letters that have appeared on both my LJ and poetheather's LJ over the past couple years, especially the last 6 months or so since the communication sort-of ceased. As mentioned in my last update, I have plans to continue contacting her by mail just to let her know what's up in our lives and such, until such time as she specifically requests that I never contact her again. In keeping with that plan, I sent her a card a week or two ago, wishing the family a happy Spring, and letting her know how things were doing here. I believe I talked a bit about the unreliable weather. I gave an update on poetheather's school situation, mentioned my recent appointment as Associate Editor of Slayage, and then offered a good bit about River. I told MIL that River had done very well on the SAT, especially in the Math section, that she had been invited to various summer programs (including one at Cambridge), and that she was planning to go to soccer camp this summer and try out for the team next year.
So, today we got a box in the mail. Since October, we've gotten the surprising box at Christmas, and a few Priority Mail flat packages filled with coupons (but no notes or communication in them). Today, we got a box, much like the packages she used to send - tea, Easter candy, toothpaste, candles, etc. There were also two envelopes, one addressed to me, and one to poetheather. Hers had a note that basically said MIL wasn't writing the previously threatened letter because it would likely never be forgiven. It also said the rest of the CA family will never accept reality, and the only way to have a relationship with them is to pretend to be male when out there. Yeah, whatever. My envelope had a note about River's summer camp, and me and River bringing happy times (though I'm not sure if she meant to her, the family, or just my sweetie), and included a check. She is still following her offer to send money to help with our mortgage (which usually gets spent all at once, but still comes as a help), and half the check is for River's camp fees.
There's an adorable little package of candles shaped like turtles in there, so I'm going to wrap that up for River from Grams, and include the money that was sent to her, so she knows where it came from. Of course, I'll also be writing a letter to MIL to let her know we received this and appreciate it, and tell her about my plans for the candles and cash for River's birthday (which is less than two weeks away - eeeek).
Now, the confusing part is poetheather's, really. She's currently working out her feelings about this and what she wants to do about it from here. I wish I could be of more help to her. This kind of thing is so hard, because we want to be loved and accepted by our families of birth, but sometimes it's more of a charade than anything. I know this from personal experience, but that doesn't give me anything to help with. Each case is different, and MIL still believes that "even a bad relationship is better than no relationship." That sounds very co-dependant to me, but perhaps with some rephrasing, such as: "a distant and somewhat tense relationship held through love is better than a disregarded relationship." I don't know...
So, today we got a box in the mail. Since October, we've gotten the surprising box at Christmas, and a few Priority Mail flat packages filled with coupons (but no notes or communication in them). Today, we got a box, much like the packages she used to send - tea, Easter candy, toothpaste, candles, etc. There were also two envelopes, one addressed to me, and one to poetheather. Hers had a note that basically said MIL wasn't writing the previously threatened letter because it would likely never be forgiven. It also said the rest of the CA family will never accept reality, and the only way to have a relationship with them is to pretend to be male when out there. Yeah, whatever. My envelope had a note about River's summer camp, and me and River bringing happy times (though I'm not sure if she meant to her, the family, or just my sweetie), and included a check. She is still following her offer to send money to help with our mortgage (which usually gets spent all at once, but still comes as a help), and half the check is for River's camp fees.
There's an adorable little package of candles shaped like turtles in there, so I'm going to wrap that up for River from Grams, and include the money that was sent to her, so she knows where it came from. Of course, I'll also be writing a letter to MIL to let her know we received this and appreciate it, and tell her about my plans for the candles and cash for River's birthday (which is less than two weeks away - eeeek).
Now, the confusing part is poetheather's, really. She's currently working out her feelings about this and what she wants to do about it from here. I wish I could be of more help to her. This kind of thing is so hard, because we want to be loved and accepted by our families of birth, but sometimes it's more of a charade than anything. I know this from personal experience, but that doesn't give me anything to help with. Each case is different, and MIL still believes that "even a bad relationship is better than no relationship." That sounds very co-dependant to me, but perhaps with some rephrasing, such as: "a distant and somewhat tense relationship held through love is better than a disregarded relationship." I don't know...