(no subject)
so, not to make much of a proclamation about it but, ive decided to ease myself off of weed
ive been smoking everyday for almost three years now and ahhhhhhhhhh, i love weed, i fucking love weed, but it doesnt work with my life right now. It's more about what I'm not doing by smoking all the time. At a certain point everyday, I decide to turn THAT brain off, and turn my OTHER brain on...and my OTHER brain doesn't deal with bullshit but fuck it all, the world lives in the bullshit
and by bullshit, i mean, anything detracting from comfort and peace of mind within that moment
the worlds all about superficial accountability, and superficial anything for that matter, but its time to quit being mad at that, and just be within it, be me, who ive come to understand as not entirely superficial and insensitive...even though to the other mes' writing this out there, i am part of that world you hate, just as much as i typically assume you are to mine...if you follow me
Anyways, I'm paying specific mind to not get caught up in any excessive generalities concerning my experience with weed, its been a beautiful one, and itll continue to be when I can handle it, but thatll be as an add-on to my life, not the main content...cause damnit, thats what its become - the idealized girlfriend I've complained to everyone for not being in my life was having her spot held by weed. I came home early for her. I stayed-in most nights to be with her, i explored scary new genres of music with her, i went to europe without her but met another girl in amsterdam, well, you see where im going with this - it filled the love void, cause i didnt know how to otherwise
and i still dont, but that void needs to see that its as artificial as anything, and if I let it run wild its gonna become my whole life, as it has, and im gonna be end up dying a stupid displacing nihilist
(i dont want to leave out) that ive been that shitty kid intentionally because i havent wanted to invest in the wrong understanding, the wrong pretense that would propel me to live arrogantly in my ivory intellectual castle, away from the true humanity that flows through us all, that i can either exist with or without
If I was content, weed'd be great within that contentment, (it was when i got into it), but ive identified that I need that half of my day that I usually smoke to be as sobering and confronting as it needs to be, to show me that fulfillment, while superficial in its specificity, is attainable when you dont inadvertently disable yourself from grasping it
but the pessimist I destroyed with weed is the real victory for me. Its the fact that i have changed the rhythm of my thinking thats telling me i can stop weed and not end up hating everything, that i can be positive without it being bullshit - i honestly do love this world and all those living in it
ive been smoking everyday for almost three years now and ahhhhhhhhhh, i love weed, i fucking love weed, but it doesnt work with my life right now. It's more about what I'm not doing by smoking all the time. At a certain point everyday, I decide to turn THAT brain off, and turn my OTHER brain on...and my OTHER brain doesn't deal with bullshit but fuck it all, the world lives in the bullshit
and by bullshit, i mean, anything detracting from comfort and peace of mind within that moment
the worlds all about superficial accountability, and superficial anything for that matter, but its time to quit being mad at that, and just be within it, be me, who ive come to understand as not entirely superficial and insensitive...even though to the other mes' writing this out there, i am part of that world you hate, just as much as i typically assume you are to mine...if you follow me
Anyways, I'm paying specific mind to not get caught up in any excessive generalities concerning my experience with weed, its been a beautiful one, and itll continue to be when I can handle it, but thatll be as an add-on to my life, not the main content...cause damnit, thats what its become - the idealized girlfriend I've complained to everyone for not being in my life was having her spot held by weed. I came home early for her. I stayed-in most nights to be with her, i explored scary new genres of music with her, i went to europe without her but met another girl in amsterdam, well, you see where im going with this - it filled the love void, cause i didnt know how to otherwise
and i still dont, but that void needs to see that its as artificial as anything, and if I let it run wild its gonna become my whole life, as it has, and im gonna be end up dying a stupid displacing nihilist
(i dont want to leave out) that ive been that shitty kid intentionally because i havent wanted to invest in the wrong understanding, the wrong pretense that would propel me to live arrogantly in my ivory intellectual castle, away from the true humanity that flows through us all, that i can either exist with or without
If I was content, weed'd be great within that contentment, (it was when i got into it), but ive identified that I need that half of my day that I usually smoke to be as sobering and confronting as it needs to be, to show me that fulfillment, while superficial in its specificity, is attainable when you dont inadvertently disable yourself from grasping it
but the pessimist I destroyed with weed is the real victory for me. Its the fact that i have changed the rhythm of my thinking thats telling me i can stop weed and not end up hating everything, that i can be positive without it being bullshit - i honestly do love this world and all those living in it