(no subject)
So down .. it's been such a long time since I've written in here, probably because I've thought I could deal with everything on my own, and only really know one person on here so guess I believed it wouldn't help.
Ahh well, here goes .. my boyfriend and I broke up at the end of last year, after 3years 7months, because he was never going to be moving back to the UK. I was quite happy about it, thought I'd kinda outgrown him, that I needed to be single and enjoy myself, I'm only 24, and it seemed that if we'd stayed together, that would be it, and I wasn't sure whether that's really what I wanted. Now, we speak regularly, text every day, and that's good, I mean, he's my best friend, I would be devastated if we didn't stay close. But, he's told me he's moving back to the UK at the end of this year, in October, for at least 1 year, if not more, and now I feel so thrown and confused. I sit at home thinking about all the plans and dreams we had, thinking of moving to Oman and getting married and bringing up children, it's what my life was destined to be for such a long time, and I guess I felt kinda tied down and scared by it. Now the plans have gone, I miss them, I miss thinking of living in the most beautiful country I've ever been to, with the most genuine and kind, loving guy I've ever met. He's coming back here. What do I do? Do I see him and see what happens? I dont know, part of me is still wanting to be single, but part of me can't accept that my life has changed.
Oh God this doesn't make sense. I broke my ankle on 7th Jan, and have been sitting at home (working from home) and thinking solidly now for almost 2 months, and now I'm writing it all down it's just coming out all garbled and confused...
I've been on a couple of dates, but it seems that although these other guys might have some things going for them that my ex didn't, they arent him. They aren't as caring and kind, they don't ever treat me anywhere near as well as he did. I know I shouldn't want to go rushing into anything, but I'm just so scared of being on my own, of not finding anyone as good as him. He's not perfect, there are things about our relationship which weren't so great, but no one else would be perfect either. Every relationship has its faults, so am I cutting my nose off to spite my face, by not staying with him?
Also, was seeing this guy David for a while. Stupidly fell really hard for him. And now, it seems I made a bit of a fool of myself and chased him away. He really made an effort in the beginning, and I thought that something really could come of it, but as soon as I actually started feeling something for him, he got scared. I suppose that's normal for a guy, but now we're hardly talking and I just KNOW he's completely changed how he feels about me. I feel like such a fool about it all, I thought he had everything my ex had, and more, but I ruined it. I don't think I'm cut out for the single life, maybe I should cut my losses and move to the Middle East to be with my ex. Someone who will love me deeply no matter what, who I can rely on, who makes me smile...AAAGGHHH!
Right, am making a plan. Once I'm properly back on my feet and back to work and able to really get out and socialise, I'll have another go at dating .. but really try to get myself into single-mode. Not automatically vet every guy to see whether he could be the one. Dammit I really need to be single, I know I do .. but its so so hard after so long. I no longer have that safety net, that support and love from someone. But NO. Will do it. Can do it. It can't be that hard to be happy enough within myself to not NEED a guy surely?
I'm not happy within myself though ... am considering going back to the doc and going back on the prozac. It seems that I've gone rapidly downhill as a result of being stuck at home with this stupid ankle. Even though I've lost half a stone and am now a fantastic 8.5stone I'm STILL a mess about my weight. How is that even possible? I'd really gotten myself together, and now everything seems to be falling apart. I'm in a really dark place right now, I feel like I'm falling into this pit and nothing can help. Anyone got any ideas for how to cheer me up when I'm stuck at home and miserable?
:(
Ahh well, here goes .. my boyfriend and I broke up at the end of last year, after 3years 7months, because he was never going to be moving back to the UK. I was quite happy about it, thought I'd kinda outgrown him, that I needed to be single and enjoy myself, I'm only 24, and it seemed that if we'd stayed together, that would be it, and I wasn't sure whether that's really what I wanted. Now, we speak regularly, text every day, and that's good, I mean, he's my best friend, I would be devastated if we didn't stay close. But, he's told me he's moving back to the UK at the end of this year, in October, for at least 1 year, if not more, and now I feel so thrown and confused. I sit at home thinking about all the plans and dreams we had, thinking of moving to Oman and getting married and bringing up children, it's what my life was destined to be for such a long time, and I guess I felt kinda tied down and scared by it. Now the plans have gone, I miss them, I miss thinking of living in the most beautiful country I've ever been to, with the most genuine and kind, loving guy I've ever met. He's coming back here. What do I do? Do I see him and see what happens? I dont know, part of me is still wanting to be single, but part of me can't accept that my life has changed.
Oh God this doesn't make sense. I broke my ankle on 7th Jan, and have been sitting at home (working from home) and thinking solidly now for almost 2 months, and now I'm writing it all down it's just coming out all garbled and confused...
I've been on a couple of dates, but it seems that although these other guys might have some things going for them that my ex didn't, they arent him. They aren't as caring and kind, they don't ever treat me anywhere near as well as he did. I know I shouldn't want to go rushing into anything, but I'm just so scared of being on my own, of not finding anyone as good as him. He's not perfect, there are things about our relationship which weren't so great, but no one else would be perfect either. Every relationship has its faults, so am I cutting my nose off to spite my face, by not staying with him?
Also, was seeing this guy David for a while. Stupidly fell really hard for him. And now, it seems I made a bit of a fool of myself and chased him away. He really made an effort in the beginning, and I thought that something really could come of it, but as soon as I actually started feeling something for him, he got scared. I suppose that's normal for a guy, but now we're hardly talking and I just KNOW he's completely changed how he feels about me. I feel like such a fool about it all, I thought he had everything my ex had, and more, but I ruined it. I don't think I'm cut out for the single life, maybe I should cut my losses and move to the Middle East to be with my ex. Someone who will love me deeply no matter what, who I can rely on, who makes me smile...AAAGGHHH!
Right, am making a plan. Once I'm properly back on my feet and back to work and able to really get out and socialise, I'll have another go at dating .. but really try to get myself into single-mode. Not automatically vet every guy to see whether he could be the one. Dammit I really need to be single, I know I do .. but its so so hard after so long. I no longer have that safety net, that support and love from someone. But NO. Will do it. Can do it. It can't be that hard to be happy enough within myself to not NEED a guy surely?
I'm not happy within myself though ... am considering going back to the doc and going back on the prozac. It seems that I've gone rapidly downhill as a result of being stuck at home with this stupid ankle. Even though I've lost half a stone and am now a fantastic 8.5stone I'm STILL a mess about my weight. How is that even possible? I'd really gotten myself together, and now everything seems to be falling apart. I'm in a really dark place right now, I feel like I'm falling into this pit and nothing can help. Anyone got any ideas for how to cheer me up when I'm stuck at home and miserable?
:(