(no subject)
Hate the stupid rain. It's so depressing and miserable. Somehow it seems to make everything, especially work, sooo much harder. I drunk an entire bottle of wine last night, I heard some news that someone I knew, my age, had been killed in a car crash in Dubai...it's all so surreal...someone's there one minute, and then gone, but it doesn't sink in because they're so far away and you haven't seen them in so long, that things just carry on, and then one day, you'll realise that you haven't seen or heard about that person in a really long time .. I dont even know what I'm going on about, all I do know, is that life is seriously screwed up. To take a young guy, someone who's got his own business, really doing well, getting married next year, and taking it all away, I can't even imagine how his family must be feeling, oh God I dont even want to. Everyone always thinks they're invincible, I know I do...I'm so petrified of death, it's so stupid and childish, but when people just get pulled out of life when they're so young and have so much to live for, it just reinstills it in me. What is the point of this life? Why are we here when we're just going to die, our entire histories wiped out, except by the one or maybe two generations who actually remember us, then what, nothing, erased from the world. I can't imagine just shutting my eyes and nothing being there, no feeling of life, no thought processes, not even knowing you'll never be able to think again, just pure nothing, but why am I so scared of that? I wont know about it, I wont be sitting there in the ground thinking, hmmm, this is annoying, I am dead and I can't think about anything. No. I wont think anything, I wont have a clue, so why so scared? I think I need to find religion or something ... I'm just not cut out for this ...