How Does It Feel?
As a Christian still new in faith, I have lain awake some night, wondering, what does it mean to be a Christian? It's a simple answer, and yet it eluded me.
I know the simple and straightforward requirements. I had to read and study the bible, be holy in my conduct and thinking, separate myself from the evilness of the world, and then return to the world and be a disciple and evangelist for the Lord. But anyone can do those things.
What I want to know is, how should I feel? Feeling in the physical world is natural. Loving my parents and siblings, enjoying the time spent alone, being happy and content with my blessings. But how should I feel towards God? How do I know that I love him? How can I believe without testing Him, asking Him for proof? That is what I wonder.
Many churches and pastors will say something different, and each one is right within his or her own respects. Put faith in your waiting, they say. The faith you have is you anticipation for your harvest. Some say, to love God, you shouldn't need proof. I've even heard that you should love God as you would a dedicated lover. So which is right? Are any of them wrong?
If someone has never experienced love in their life, how will they know. Some people say, "you just know. You feel the spirit move you and you know." But, is it possible for one to try and try and try to find this feeling and fall short every time? Can they not feel it because they are searching for the feeling?
Changing my way of thinking so that I can see God's works in every aspect of my life, has been an odd and refreshing experience. I look around and I am amazed at how the flowers have come in so nicely, how the sun has started to warm the earth, how amazing the snow was this last winter, and how the world keeps on turning without any true explanation. Seeing God in all things is a true battle against your knowledge and know-how.
Isn't it amazing that a scholar or a scientist, or a doctor, or even some random guy on TV can say something and you believe it instantly? But when you read the Bible or hear the Word, you find it hard to believe that Lepers were healed instantly by Jesus, that Jonah was swallowed by a wale and survived, that man could walk on water, that the dead rose from their eternal slumber to walk the earth once more.
The tales of the Bible seem so impossible in light of the facts we know. Facts are planted in us at a young age and to be told otherwise, go against our grain and makes believing hard. Especially when it's good. You hear the stories of how people survive terrible accidents because angels protected them. People find that hard to believe, but they find it easy to believe that vampires are real and walk among us.
With all of this hub-bub, what is a learning Christian to do? The chaos, the confusion, the truth, the lies, the good, the evil, and all the in between.
It was while I was in the midst of all this that it came to me. As I lay down in on the floor of the church sanctuary, alone in the dark, I closed my eyes and let my mind wander until all the thoughts were gone. It that moment, i felt relaxed, happy, protected, safe, unashamed, grateful, and humbled. To me, that is what it felt like to love God.
When the world gets in the way, it's easy to forget how it feels to be a child of God. Take away the song and hymns. take away the sermons and soap box preachers. Take away the material and the physical. Take it all away and think of who is left. You. And God.
I have never been one for tears. God didn't make me that way. While I will shout out during a good song, I found that my quieter soul feels love and appreciation when I can ignore the world and focus on Him. He steers my mind to the right place and I get the answers I need.
It's not the same for everyone. I know that now. Along with free will, we have personalities, and those personalities allow us to love God and praise Him in different unique ways. I know that as i move forward i will be able to get the permanent state of walking with God. So until then I'll have to stop looking for the feeling and just... feel.
I know the simple and straightforward requirements. I had to read and study the bible, be holy in my conduct and thinking, separate myself from the evilness of the world, and then return to the world and be a disciple and evangelist for the Lord. But anyone can do those things.
What I want to know is, how should I feel? Feeling in the physical world is natural. Loving my parents and siblings, enjoying the time spent alone, being happy and content with my blessings. But how should I feel towards God? How do I know that I love him? How can I believe without testing Him, asking Him for proof? That is what I wonder.
Many churches and pastors will say something different, and each one is right within his or her own respects. Put faith in your waiting, they say. The faith you have is you anticipation for your harvest. Some say, to love God, you shouldn't need proof. I've even heard that you should love God as you would a dedicated lover. So which is right? Are any of them wrong?
If someone has never experienced love in their life, how will they know. Some people say, "you just know. You feel the spirit move you and you know." But, is it possible for one to try and try and try to find this feeling and fall short every time? Can they not feel it because they are searching for the feeling?
Changing my way of thinking so that I can see God's works in every aspect of my life, has been an odd and refreshing experience. I look around and I am amazed at how the flowers have come in so nicely, how the sun has started to warm the earth, how amazing the snow was this last winter, and how the world keeps on turning without any true explanation. Seeing God in all things is a true battle against your knowledge and know-how.
Isn't it amazing that a scholar or a scientist, or a doctor, or even some random guy on TV can say something and you believe it instantly? But when you read the Bible or hear the Word, you find it hard to believe that Lepers were healed instantly by Jesus, that Jonah was swallowed by a wale and survived, that man could walk on water, that the dead rose from their eternal slumber to walk the earth once more.
The tales of the Bible seem so impossible in light of the facts we know. Facts are planted in us at a young age and to be told otherwise, go against our grain and makes believing hard. Especially when it's good. You hear the stories of how people survive terrible accidents because angels protected them. People find that hard to believe, but they find it easy to believe that vampires are real and walk among us.
With all of this hub-bub, what is a learning Christian to do? The chaos, the confusion, the truth, the lies, the good, the evil, and all the in between.
It was while I was in the midst of all this that it came to me. As I lay down in on the floor of the church sanctuary, alone in the dark, I closed my eyes and let my mind wander until all the thoughts were gone. It that moment, i felt relaxed, happy, protected, safe, unashamed, grateful, and humbled. To me, that is what it felt like to love God.
When the world gets in the way, it's easy to forget how it feels to be a child of God. Take away the song and hymns. take away the sermons and soap box preachers. Take away the material and the physical. Take it all away and think of who is left. You. And God.
I have never been one for tears. God didn't make me that way. While I will shout out during a good song, I found that my quieter soul feels love and appreciation when I can ignore the world and focus on Him. He steers my mind to the right place and I get the answers I need.
It's not the same for everyone. I know that now. Along with free will, we have personalities, and those personalities allow us to love God and praise Him in different unique ways. I know that as i move forward i will be able to get the permanent state of walking with God. So until then I'll have to stop looking for the feeling and just... feel.