Fic: Young Boys Run Wild
Finn felt his world fall apart...again.
“Everybody Will, everybody I have ever loved has walked away.”
Finn felt the tears burning down his cheeks.
“But you’re 18 Finn, I’m 33.” Will shook his head.
“You feel the same way though. Don’t you? Because that’s what you said last night.” Finn regretted the obvious venom that came with the words, but he felt it, the pain. He selfishly wanted Will to feel it too.
“I...” Finn shook his head and lifted his hands in defeat.
“I thought you might be different Will. Quinn well she was the first wasn’t she. Then Rachel, God I loved Rachel, but you helped me discover who I was, in all honesty I turned gay for you in the first place. I had that fling with Jesse, after you told me it was okay to be gay, to accept who I am. Then he broke my heart. Now you, I should’ve known I had no chance with you.” Finn paused, sniffing back a row of tears.
“Finn I...”Will tried to stop Finn but he knew it was too late. Will hadn’t expected this response though.
“It’s your fault, all of this.” Finn screamed, Will hung his mouth open.
“What?” It came out as no more than a whisper.
“I would’ve still been with Rachel, we would’ve settled down had kids. I could have been normal!” Finn screeched shaking his finger in front of a very confused Will. “I would have never felt these feelings, I mean I’ll admit I like guys. I am gay, like you. I wouldn’t have discovered that if it hadn’t been for you.” Finn fell to his knees crying like a baby.
“I didn’t make you do anything.” Will muttered resting his hand on Finn’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me!” Finn glared up at the man he had trusted, the man he had given his innocence to.
“Finn you have to understand this.”
“Understand what?” Finn pleaded.
“I love you.” Will closed his eyes struggling to admit that to himself.
“See.”
“Hear me out.” Will said interrupting Finn. “But I’m your teacher.”
“Not anymore! I’m 18.” Will ran a hand through his dense curls.
“I can’t be with you, however much I want to.” Will knelt down to be at Finn’s height.
“But you love me.” Finn whispered.
“Sometimes love on its own isn’t enough.” Will’s voice was barely audible.
“I can make it enough Will.” Finn ran his shaking fingers across Will’s cheek.
“No Finn. I just can’t.” He pressed a small kiss to Finn’s lips and stood up, walking away, walking away from the boy, no man. Finn was a man now, he loved.
Finn pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face into them.
“Don’t think I’m going to forget Will. You stole my heart and my virginity.” Finn looked up and caught one last glimpse of Will.
“I don’t expect you to.” Then Finn was alone, alone in his world of fear and pain.
***
Finn sat back on his bed and looked at the bottle on the floor.
“Finn?” He groaned as Kurt walked into his room. “Oh Fuck are you drunk again!” Finn glanced up, tears streaming down his face.
“What’s it to you?” He mumbled locking his gaze with the floor.
Kurt sat down next to Finn, the bed sagged slightly at the new addition.
“What’s up now?” Kurt rested a hand on Finn’s back.
Finn knew everything was up. His life was a waste and the only comfort he received was the fact that each breath that left his lips was drawing him closer to his last. He saw himself as a raindrop, not your average raindrop though. He’d read once in his past life when getting out of bed wasn’t such a pain, that some raindrops never hit the ground. These raindrops burst under their own pressure, he saw himself as the boy who could have been something but let it all get to his head and he disappeared into the darkness, bursting, except the remains of him weren’t water but alcohol, lots of it.
“Open the drawer.” Finn didn’t lift his gaze. Kurt obediently opened Finn’s bedside drawer and let out a small gasp.
“Finn why do you have a gun?” Kurt knew the answer to the question but he sort of needed to hear it, just to make sure he was right.
“In case I want to kill myself.” Kurt was taken aback by how monotonously Finn said it.
“You need help.” Kurt said it plainly.
“No.” Finn shook his head and looked up at Kurt. “I need him.”
“Come on then.” Kurt said and stood up, holding out his hand.
“What?” Finn asked looking up.
“We’re going to get him.” Kurt grabbed Finn’s hand and dragged him up.
***
Kurt was scared, scared stiff. Finn lay silently sleeping in the passenger seat. Kurt found himself crying, his brother was suicidal all because of that jackass Will. He wasn’t one to show fear, he was the boy who put the brave face on life. Now however he was scared, for Finn.
Finn’s head was a mess of booze and heartbreak. Kurt had taken him in when he’d showed up at his door last year, homeless, drunk and broke. He was a 22 year old man who was still hung up over a high school crush.
8 hours Kurt had to drive to make Finn happy. It made it all worth it when Kurt woke Finn up. Finn had a considerable grin when he saw his old house.
***
Finn sat in his old room listening to the screaming upstairs. He heard the words he’d heard so many times between Kurt and his boyfriend.
‘But he’s an alcoholic.’ Which for the record Finn was not. He just drank when he was upset, he didn’t need it.
‘He needs to get over this guy.’ No he didn’t, he’d never get over Will.
He picked up his cell and dialled directory inquiries.
“Hello please state the name of the number you require.”
“William Schuester, Lima, Ohio.” Finn said the name clearly.
“Would you like us to put you through?” The cheery women asked.
“Yes please.” Finn asked and took a deep breath.
Finn listened silently as he heard the ringing noise fill the headset.
“Hello?” Finn hadn’t realised he was holding his breath until he had to speak.
“Will?” Finn asked and felt a small smile creep onto his face.
“Yes this is he, umm who’s this?” Will sounded exactly the same which made Finn smile. He knew Will wouldn’t recognise his voice, after 4 years in New York he had a completely new accent.
“My name is Finn Hudson...I think you might remember me.” His smile turned cocky as he spoke.
“Finn.” He could hear the sigh that followed. Finn’s smile faded.
“I’m back in Lima, I’ve gone through a rough patch.” Finn ran his hand through his hair and let out a small well needed sigh.
“I’ve missed you.” Will mumbled so that to Finn it was barely audible.
“You have no idea.” Finn shook his head and stared at the wooden floor beneath his feet.
“I made a huge mistake that day. I thought I was doing the right thing but....”
“How about we meet up.” Finn said cutting him off.
“I’m free all day.” And Finn noticed that Will didn’t quite sound the same, his spark was missing. He didn’t know how to explain it but something about it, the way he spoke was wrong.
***
Finn thought Will was the most beautiful thing he had seen in years. His curls had grown longer and they hung slightly over his forehead; his blazing green eyes smiled with him as Finn approached and he was well toned, apparently he’d been hitting the gym.
Will was just as shocked to see Finn. He smiled at him taking in the differences 4 years had made. Finn’s dark chocolate hair hung in a matted mop over his head, a look only Finn could pull off; his face appeared more chiselled, his cheek bones more prominent and his chin more angular; he wore a layer of chestnut stubble and in all honesty he just stunned Will.
“Hey.” Will said and stood up from his seat.
“Hey.” Finn replied and Will chuckled. “What?” Finn asked laughing slightly himself.
“You’re so different, but the same as well.” Will looked him up and down, taking him in. “I like the accent by the way.” Finn laughed.
“True New Yorker.” He shrugged and took Will into a forceful embrace.
‘Sometimes love on its own isn’t enough.’
Finn pulled away dazzled by the flashback.
“You okay?” Will said and took a seat.
“Yeah...fine.” Finn stared at the table.
“So how have you been?” Will said and leant back taking a sip from his coffee.
“Not that great actually.” Finn looked at his own drink that Will had gotten for him.
“Oh....” Will whispered apparently he’d expected Finn to just get over him like it had never happened.
“Yeah, I went through a bit of depression, drink problem.” Finn laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. “ I had to move in with Kurt. I kind of ended up on the streets.” Finn looked up at Will who’s mouth had fallen into a subtle ‘O’ shape.
“It was because of me wasn’t it.” Will’s voice, again was barely audible above the hustle and bustle of the coffee shop.
‘It’s your fault, all of this!’ Will flinched at the memory that had re-immerged after what felt like a lifetime.
“You want the truth? Yeah.” Will wasn’t particularly upset as such, he felt empty.
“You....I really screwed you up that bad.” Will shook his head.
“I don’t mind.” Finn paused taking a sip from the scolding hot coffee. “I wasn’t going to do anything anyway.” He shrugged off the accusation.
“I’m sorry.” Will mumbled and held out his hand. Finn rested his on top of it and smiled weakly.
“I’ve had a tough couple of years.” Finn bit his bottom lip and gazed off into space for a minute. His phone vibrated in his pocket.
“Hello.....Kurt what do you want......Yes I’m with Will what’s wrong with that....Tell Mom she can shove off.....I don’t care I’m an adult I can deal with myself......Love you too see ya.” He dropped his phone on the table and rested his head in his hand.
“Mom not too happy by the sounds of it.” Will said a look of sympathy on his face.
“She says I shouldn’t see you because you’re no good for me or something like that.” Finn chuckled.
“Why don’t you listen Finn. As we’ve proven all I’ve done is mess your life up.” Finn’s head shot up.
“I messed my own life up by hanging onto a high school crush.” Will felt a blow to his heart.
“Oh.”
“Wait I didn’t mean that.” Finn waved his hands in front of him.
“It’s okay, I’m being stupid. It was 4 years ago, we’ve both grown up. I didn’t expect you to still....love me.” He whispered the last part and shook his head.
“Why do you think I ended up the way I did Will? I love you that’s why.” Finn panicked and grabbed for Will’s hand.
“I don’t think we should see each other again.” Will stated and looked at the table.
“Why?”Finn’s voice faltered as the words sunk in.
“I messed up your life and whether you love me or not, I can’t take that.” Finn’s heart broke for a second time as Will stood up walking away...again.
“Don’t think I’m going to forget you Will.” Will felt his breath catch in his throat.
“Please.” Will muttered glancing back, “Please do. Last time you remembered I broke you even more. Young boys should run wild, not be tied down by old guys.” He walked away out of the shop leaving Finn sat alone at the table.
“I’m not a young boy, I’m a young man.”
This time, he wasn’t going to let him walk away.
Finn leapt to his feet running out of the shop, his coffee still half full. He grabbed Will’s arm and pulled his face to his ear.
“I guess I’ll just have to be your broken boy then.” Finn whispered the words and felt Will shiver under his touch.
Will smiled and turned to face Finn, he pressed a silent kiss to Finn’s lips and smiled.
“I Love you.” He whispered and clutched Finn’s hand.
“I love you too.” Finn mumbled and smiled, properly smiled for the first time in a long time.
‘Young Boys may run wild,
But the Young Lovers run wilder.’
“Everybody Will, everybody I have ever loved has walked away.”
Finn felt the tears burning down his cheeks.
“But you’re 18 Finn, I’m 33.” Will shook his head.
“You feel the same way though. Don’t you? Because that’s what you said last night.” Finn regretted the obvious venom that came with the words, but he felt it, the pain. He selfishly wanted Will to feel it too.
“I...” Finn shook his head and lifted his hands in defeat.
“I thought you might be different Will. Quinn well she was the first wasn’t she. Then Rachel, God I loved Rachel, but you helped me discover who I was, in all honesty I turned gay for you in the first place. I had that fling with Jesse, after you told me it was okay to be gay, to accept who I am. Then he broke my heart. Now you, I should’ve known I had no chance with you.” Finn paused, sniffing back a row of tears.
“Finn I...”Will tried to stop Finn but he knew it was too late. Will hadn’t expected this response though.
“It’s your fault, all of this.” Finn screamed, Will hung his mouth open.
“What?” It came out as no more than a whisper.
“I would’ve still been with Rachel, we would’ve settled down had kids. I could have been normal!” Finn screeched shaking his finger in front of a very confused Will. “I would have never felt these feelings, I mean I’ll admit I like guys. I am gay, like you. I wouldn’t have discovered that if it hadn’t been for you.” Finn fell to his knees crying like a baby.
“I didn’t make you do anything.” Will muttered resting his hand on Finn’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me!” Finn glared up at the man he had trusted, the man he had given his innocence to.
“Finn you have to understand this.”
“Understand what?” Finn pleaded.
“I love you.” Will closed his eyes struggling to admit that to himself.
“See.”
“Hear me out.” Will said interrupting Finn. “But I’m your teacher.”
“Not anymore! I’m 18.” Will ran a hand through his dense curls.
“I can’t be with you, however much I want to.” Will knelt down to be at Finn’s height.
“But you love me.” Finn whispered.
“Sometimes love on its own isn’t enough.” Will’s voice was barely audible.
“I can make it enough Will.” Finn ran his shaking fingers across Will’s cheek.
“No Finn. I just can’t.” He pressed a small kiss to Finn’s lips and stood up, walking away, walking away from the boy, no man. Finn was a man now, he loved.
Finn pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face into them.
“Don’t think I’m going to forget Will. You stole my heart and my virginity.” Finn looked up and caught one last glimpse of Will.
“I don’t expect you to.” Then Finn was alone, alone in his world of fear and pain.
***
Finn sat back on his bed and looked at the bottle on the floor.
“Finn?” He groaned as Kurt walked into his room. “Oh Fuck are you drunk again!” Finn glanced up, tears streaming down his face.
“What’s it to you?” He mumbled locking his gaze with the floor.
Kurt sat down next to Finn, the bed sagged slightly at the new addition.
“What’s up now?” Kurt rested a hand on Finn’s back.
Finn knew everything was up. His life was a waste and the only comfort he received was the fact that each breath that left his lips was drawing him closer to his last. He saw himself as a raindrop, not your average raindrop though. He’d read once in his past life when getting out of bed wasn’t such a pain, that some raindrops never hit the ground. These raindrops burst under their own pressure, he saw himself as the boy who could have been something but let it all get to his head and he disappeared into the darkness, bursting, except the remains of him weren’t water but alcohol, lots of it.
“Open the drawer.” Finn didn’t lift his gaze. Kurt obediently opened Finn’s bedside drawer and let out a small gasp.
“Finn why do you have a gun?” Kurt knew the answer to the question but he sort of needed to hear it, just to make sure he was right.
“In case I want to kill myself.” Kurt was taken aback by how monotonously Finn said it.
“You need help.” Kurt said it plainly.
“No.” Finn shook his head and looked up at Kurt. “I need him.”
“Come on then.” Kurt said and stood up, holding out his hand.
“What?” Finn asked looking up.
“We’re going to get him.” Kurt grabbed Finn’s hand and dragged him up.
***
Kurt was scared, scared stiff. Finn lay silently sleeping in the passenger seat. Kurt found himself crying, his brother was suicidal all because of that jackass Will. He wasn’t one to show fear, he was the boy who put the brave face on life. Now however he was scared, for Finn.
Finn’s head was a mess of booze and heartbreak. Kurt had taken him in when he’d showed up at his door last year, homeless, drunk and broke. He was a 22 year old man who was still hung up over a high school crush.
8 hours Kurt had to drive to make Finn happy. It made it all worth it when Kurt woke Finn up. Finn had a considerable grin when he saw his old house.
***
Finn sat in his old room listening to the screaming upstairs. He heard the words he’d heard so many times between Kurt and his boyfriend.
‘But he’s an alcoholic.’ Which for the record Finn was not. He just drank when he was upset, he didn’t need it.
‘He needs to get over this guy.’ No he didn’t, he’d never get over Will.
He picked up his cell and dialled directory inquiries.
“Hello please state the name of the number you require.”
“William Schuester, Lima, Ohio.” Finn said the name clearly.
“Would you like us to put you through?” The cheery women asked.
“Yes please.” Finn asked and took a deep breath.
Finn listened silently as he heard the ringing noise fill the headset.
“Hello?” Finn hadn’t realised he was holding his breath until he had to speak.
“Will?” Finn asked and felt a small smile creep onto his face.
“Yes this is he, umm who’s this?” Will sounded exactly the same which made Finn smile. He knew Will wouldn’t recognise his voice, after 4 years in New York he had a completely new accent.
“My name is Finn Hudson...I think you might remember me.” His smile turned cocky as he spoke.
“Finn.” He could hear the sigh that followed. Finn’s smile faded.
“I’m back in Lima, I’ve gone through a rough patch.” Finn ran his hand through his hair and let out a small well needed sigh.
“I’ve missed you.” Will mumbled so that to Finn it was barely audible.
“You have no idea.” Finn shook his head and stared at the wooden floor beneath his feet.
“I made a huge mistake that day. I thought I was doing the right thing but....”
“How about we meet up.” Finn said cutting him off.
“I’m free all day.” And Finn noticed that Will didn’t quite sound the same, his spark was missing. He didn’t know how to explain it but something about it, the way he spoke was wrong.
***
Finn thought Will was the most beautiful thing he had seen in years. His curls had grown longer and they hung slightly over his forehead; his blazing green eyes smiled with him as Finn approached and he was well toned, apparently he’d been hitting the gym.
Will was just as shocked to see Finn. He smiled at him taking in the differences 4 years had made. Finn’s dark chocolate hair hung in a matted mop over his head, a look only Finn could pull off; his face appeared more chiselled, his cheek bones more prominent and his chin more angular; he wore a layer of chestnut stubble and in all honesty he just stunned Will.
“Hey.” Will said and stood up from his seat.
“Hey.” Finn replied and Will chuckled. “What?” Finn asked laughing slightly himself.
“You’re so different, but the same as well.” Will looked him up and down, taking him in. “I like the accent by the way.” Finn laughed.
“True New Yorker.” He shrugged and took Will into a forceful embrace.
‘Sometimes love on its own isn’t enough.’
Finn pulled away dazzled by the flashback.
“You okay?” Will said and took a seat.
“Yeah...fine.” Finn stared at the table.
“So how have you been?” Will said and leant back taking a sip from his coffee.
“Not that great actually.” Finn looked at his own drink that Will had gotten for him.
“Oh....” Will whispered apparently he’d expected Finn to just get over him like it had never happened.
“Yeah, I went through a bit of depression, drink problem.” Finn laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. “ I had to move in with Kurt. I kind of ended up on the streets.” Finn looked up at Will who’s mouth had fallen into a subtle ‘O’ shape.
“It was because of me wasn’t it.” Will’s voice, again was barely audible above the hustle and bustle of the coffee shop.
‘It’s your fault, all of this!’ Will flinched at the memory that had re-immerged after what felt like a lifetime.
“You want the truth? Yeah.” Will wasn’t particularly upset as such, he felt empty.
“You....I really screwed you up that bad.” Will shook his head.
“I don’t mind.” Finn paused taking a sip from the scolding hot coffee. “I wasn’t going to do anything anyway.” He shrugged off the accusation.
“I’m sorry.” Will mumbled and held out his hand. Finn rested his on top of it and smiled weakly.
“I’ve had a tough couple of years.” Finn bit his bottom lip and gazed off into space for a minute. His phone vibrated in his pocket.
“Hello.....Kurt what do you want......Yes I’m with Will what’s wrong with that....Tell Mom she can shove off.....I don’t care I’m an adult I can deal with myself......Love you too see ya.” He dropped his phone on the table and rested his head in his hand.
“Mom not too happy by the sounds of it.” Will said a look of sympathy on his face.
“She says I shouldn’t see you because you’re no good for me or something like that.” Finn chuckled.
“Why don’t you listen Finn. As we’ve proven all I’ve done is mess your life up.” Finn’s head shot up.
“I messed my own life up by hanging onto a high school crush.” Will felt a blow to his heart.
“Oh.”
“Wait I didn’t mean that.” Finn waved his hands in front of him.
“It’s okay, I’m being stupid. It was 4 years ago, we’ve both grown up. I didn’t expect you to still....love me.” He whispered the last part and shook his head.
“Why do you think I ended up the way I did Will? I love you that’s why.” Finn panicked and grabbed for Will’s hand.
“I don’t think we should see each other again.” Will stated and looked at the table.
“Why?”Finn’s voice faltered as the words sunk in.
“I messed up your life and whether you love me or not, I can’t take that.” Finn’s heart broke for a second time as Will stood up walking away...again.
“Don’t think I’m going to forget you Will.” Will felt his breath catch in his throat.
“Please.” Will muttered glancing back, “Please do. Last time you remembered I broke you even more. Young boys should run wild, not be tied down by old guys.” He walked away out of the shop leaving Finn sat alone at the table.
“I’m not a young boy, I’m a young man.”
This time, he wasn’t going to let him walk away.
Finn leapt to his feet running out of the shop, his coffee still half full. He grabbed Will’s arm and pulled his face to his ear.
“I guess I’ll just have to be your broken boy then.” Finn whispered the words and felt Will shiver under his touch.
Will smiled and turned to face Finn, he pressed a silent kiss to Finn’s lips and smiled.
“I Love you.” He whispered and clutched Finn’s hand.
“I love you too.” Finn mumbled and smiled, properly smiled for the first time in a long time.
‘Young Boys may run wild,
But the Young Lovers run wilder.’