Fic. Childish Things
Title: Childish Things
Author: alicebluegown16
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing: Will/Finn, Puck, OFC, Puck/OFC, and Melody (my Will/Finn spawn)
Summary: In which there is accidental matchmaking and a general failure on everyone's part to act like adults.
AN: Part of my series. The OFC (Ellie) was introduced in my story Assumptions. In my head I picture her looking like Jewel Staite.
Warning: Original characters, kid fic, slight angst, Finn acting like a well intentioned jerk, passive aggressive married people fighting.
Later, much, much later after all has been forgiven and everyone’s finally able to joke about it, the general consensus is that it was all Melody’s doing.
It starts like this.
Finn saying by the way Puck’s going to be in Chicago for a couple of days for a conference and would it be cool if he stayed at their place instead of a hotel, because the Dayton PD is totally jerking him around when it comes to an expense account and unless he pays out of pocket, he’ll have to stay in some fleabag motel where they just found a dead hooker in the bathroom or something and it makes way more sense for him to crash with friends and oh, maybe he kind of sort of already told Puck it’d be okay?
Perhaps this is one of those instances where Finn’s youthful enthusiasm gets blurred up with just out and out inconsiderate. But Will says yes, because what else can he do, Puck is Finn’s oldest friend and while not exactly his favorite former student, he is his former student and Will likes---he doesn’t dislike Puck. And if later that night he gets a slight bit of perverse glee when he hands Melody off to Finn ‘Your daughter has strained carrots in her hair. Enjoy. I have papers that need grading.’ well, that’s just a coincidence.
When he arrives, Puck hands him a six pack of (really good) beer and a pizza box and his first words are ‘Dude, sorry that Finn sort of sprung this on ya. Your man’s kind of a douche sometimes.’ And the second thing he says is ‘Hey there, pretty girl.’ leaning down and chucking Melody under the chin. Who reacts just like every other female does and instantly falls in love with him.
Over dinner Will asks about the conference and he sort of half expects Puck to blow it off as something boring, or simply an excuse to hang out in the city for a few days, but instead Puck starts excitedly rambling about all the seminars he wants to attend.
Holy shit, he actually knows what he’s talking about.
Will realizes he’s staring with his mouth hanging open as Puck dorks out about Compstat and crime trends and patterns and anomalies and profiling and better allocation of resources and manpower. The second he clues in to how long he’s been going on for though, Puck stops and shoves a slice of pizza in his mouth, looking slightly embarrassed. Bless Finn who just shakes his head and says it sound like cool shit-“It’s like that movie Minority Report. Preventing future crime.”
Later that night he finds Puck in the nursery watching Melody sleep.
“Wow. She’s not a blob anymore. She’s like an actual little person now.”
He starts to reach out a hand to touch her cheek and then pulls back and shoves it in his pocket.
Puck’s a grown up now. The revelation hits Will. And a moment after that one, a second.
He seems kind of lonely.
When he leaves two days later, Will tells Puck he’s always welcome and means it.
And Puck takes him up on it.
Not all the time, Dayton’s a drive out and Puck works long hours, but every couple of weeks he’ll stop by. Sometimes with a six pack and take out, sometimes with his guitar, almost always with a small gift for Melody.
When Melody starts crawling and then seemingly two seconds later completely forgoes walking in favor of just breaking into an out and out run and Finn freaks out about her possibly impaling herself on the coffee table or something, Puck’s the one to tell him to chill out, that she’s going to hurt herself, that’s what kids do and that he can’t keep her in plastic bubble, she’s not a hamster. And Finn listens to him. Never mind that Will had tried saying the exact same thing a dozen times (minus the hamster part.)
Puck’s the one who comes up with the suggestion that they take Melody out back and hose her down after meal time. Which is…a year ago Will would say it’s barbaric, but now he thinks it’s kind of brilliant and Melody loves it and for the first time her ‘bath’ doesn’t end in eardrum splitting shrieks
And Puck’s name isn’t her first word (that would be Daddy and Will does a little victory dance because yes, all those nights whispering it to her as he rocked her to sleep paid off) and it’s not her second (which is book and she actually points at it when she says it and god, their little girl is so smart) but it’s pretty high up there on the list and the first time he hears it, Melody running to him and wrapping her arms around his leg, Puck’s whole face lights up.
So, when Melody’s first birthday rolls around-and when did that happen? Weren’t they just bringing her home from the hospital yesterday?-it makes perfect sense to invite Puck to the little party they have for her.
It’s just a small group of people, Ellie, Tina and Artie and Billy, a few of the other kids from Melody’s daycare and their parents, Burt and Carole (Kurt unable to make it but sending profuse regrets and a beautiful frilly waste of money that Melody is likely going to just grow out of before she even has a chance to wear it.)
Finn introduces Ellie to Puck with “This is Eleanor ‘Don’t Ask Me How to Spell It’ Wojciehowicz. She totally rocks at karaoke and making me look competent.”
And maybe Puck’s finally learned something about time and place and figures a child’s birthday party is neither for the Puckzilla, because he just laughs and shakes her hand and says that she probably doesn’t get paid enough for the second. When Puck mentions that he’s known Finn since they were little kids, Ellie beams. “Do you have embarrassing stories? Please say you do. Something involving paste eating, perhaps?”
Is this…is Finn playing matchmaker? Will’s eyes dart between the two of them and he looks at Finn, who is either oblivious, or doing a damn good job of faking it. Will leans more toward the former.
It’s kind of a crazy day.
Melody’s initially sort of unsure about the birthday cake, first putting an experimental finger in the frosting, and then her whole hand, and before anyone can stop it, her whole face. (Carole is quick to point out that Finn did the exact same thing at her age.) Tina is grouchy and hormonal, loudly insisting that if one more person tells her she’s glowing, she’s going to punch them because it make it sound like she’s radioactive, and damn you Artie Abrams and your sweater vest sex magic, I can’t believe I let you knock me up again. One of the kids freaks out from the camera flash and starts to cry, so all the other kids start to cry and it all quickly devolves into surround sound wailing.
Will figures they’ll hold off on another birthday party for a couple of years.
Melody’s favorite gift is the stuffed giraffe from Puck. Will’s favorite gift is Burt and Carole promising to take Melody so he and Finn can have a weekend to themselves at a nice hotel.
And in all of it, he’s distantly aware of Ellie and Puck talking quietly over plates of cake and ice cream.
That night Melody’s hyped up on sugar and by the time he’s read her both Hector the Collector and Susie Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out and told her three Cassie stories and tucked her in with her giraffe (who apparently has been christened Jeff) he’s pretty sure he never wants to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ ever again and he’s totally forgotten that he was going to ask Finn about whether he noticed Ellie and Puck were flirting.
**
When Finn tells him that Ellie and Puck are dating, Will’s immediate response is “Wow, that’s great.” Finn expression at this can roughly be described as ‘oh my god, have you been huffing paint fumes?’
“It’s…not great? Why is it not great?”
“They’re dating! Each other! Ellie and Puck! There’s like, five thousand different not great things about this!”
Will thinks it’s understandable that he’s a little confused by this reaction.
“I thought you knew, I thought this was your plan.”
“My plan?! You thought I planned for Puck to use our daughter’s birthday party to pick up women?”
And then Finn turns on a conversational dime and points an accusing finger at him.
“Wait a minute, are you saying you knew? And you didn’t tell me?”
“Well, no, not in the sense of actually knowing, but I sort of suspected that they’d hit it off…I thought it was…kind of romantic actually.”
“Romantic? Tell me what’s romantic about this! That they’ve been sneaking around behind my back for three months? That-that Puck used a baby, our daughter like-like a cute puppy in the park? That when he cheats on her---and he will, I’ll have to take sides and I don’t even know which side I’ll pick and Ellie’s going to hate me since he was my friend and it’ll be my fault that I didn’t warn her and she’s going to think I must be a jerk for having cheating jerk friends and she’s going to quit because it’ll be too weird and awkward working together and I’ll lose my best point man-woman-person-whatever and I’ll never find someone suitable to replace her and New Directions will go under and all those kids we’re supposed to be helping will get lost in the system all because Puck couldn’t keep his dick in his pants! Is that the romantic part, Will?”
“Yeah, I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t rush to tell you when you’re being so reasonable about it.” Will’s voice is as bland as dry toast.
Finn pacing back and forth, ranting about backstabbing friends and friends who should know better and hopeless romantic husbands and sneaky dating and won’t someone please think of the children as Will and Melody stare.
“Speedwagon, Daddy Finn is crazy.”
Melody nods in apparent agreement.
“Da-fee is c’azy.”
Will wonders if that counts as her first sentence.
**
To Finn’s complete frustration, neither Puck nor Ellie seem particularly concerned with seeking out his approval or blessing.
Puck simply rolls his eyes and refuses to be intimidated when Finn attempts to give his ‘break her heart, I break your face’ speech.
“Dude, I’m not one of Max or Kurt’s boyfriends. You’re not going to run me off. I knew you back in the day when you were still wearing cowboy pajamas and scared of the dark.”
Ellie dismisses Finn’s tactful suggestion that maybe she might want to rush into anything by reminding Finn that she’s an adult, that she’s not actually his little sister and even if she were, she’d still be an adult so he can kindly butt the hell out and she’s going to date who she damn well pleases. And it pleases her immensely to date Noah.
“Noah!”
“That’s his name, Finn!”
Now, if Finn had any sense of self preservation, he’d likely notice the way Ellie just practically spit those words out and stop digging the hole any deeper.
“Ellie, I have other friends I can introduce you to.”
Apparently not.
Clearly if life were a horror movie, Finn would be the pretty blonde who gets killed in the first ten minutes when she wanders outside to check on a noise she just heard.
“Well, that just settles it, doesn’t it? Are you going to be generous enough to give me a list of acceptable candidates that I can choose from? And are any of them hot guys who treat me right, have a way with kids, play the guitar, are great in bed, and own a set of handcuffs?”
Will does not laugh at the ‘I just drank pickle juice’ face this comment evokes.
Much.
When Puck transfers to the Chicago PD to be closer to Ellie, Will figures that’s the end of it, that now Finn has to get over whatever hurt feeling he might have that they didn’t seek out his blessing or ask his permission like some sort of grand lord on high of the manor and realize this is serious, that the both of them are clearly in this for the long haul.
He figures wrong.
**
Puck shoves past him the moment Will answers the door and Will isn’t even really aware of doing it, but he presses himself up against the wall when he sees the absolutely murderous look on his face.
“You fucking sonofabitch motherfucker! You told Ellie about Beth!”
“She has a right to know.” Finn crosses his arms over his chest, looking for all the world like someone who’s trying really hard to feel as sure as he sounds.
“She has a right to know.” Puck repeats. “Really? That’s the line you’re gonna go with right now? And when you told her, because you decided she had a right to know, what did she say?”
“She-um…she told me to go fuck myself.”
There’s the briefest appreciative flash of ‘that’s my girl’ in Puck’s eyes and then it’s gone, he’s practically nose to nose with Finn, and Will can see it, the movement of Finn’s Adam’s apple when he swallows, the fighting back of the instinct to put more space between them.
“What the fuck is your fucking problem, Finn? What? Do you think you’re the only one allowed to want to have a life? Tell me, if I’m such a fuck up, why are we still friends? Am I just another one of your good fucking deeds or something?”
“Puck, no it wasn’t-Jesus, look, I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t thinking.” A desperate wheedling tone to his words, as if Finn just realized that he’s suddenly stumbled onto some very thin ice and it’s cracking under his feet.
Will’s fairly certain he should be moving, rushing forward to intervene before this ends in bloodshed, but he can’t quite get his legs to work, and as for saying something, he’s torn between yelling ‘Damn right you weren’t thinking!’ and ‘Oh my God, stop talking, you’re only making it worse.’
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry! Because you’re not, not really. You’re just sorry you got caught! You told her and it bit you in the ass because hey, it turns out we actually discuss things like grown ups and you didn’t see that coming, did ya?”
Puck’s hands clenching at his sides, like it’s taking everything in him not to rip Finn’s head off and spit down his neck and then stepping back, making himself put distance between them, a sort of eerie calm which is about ten times more frightening.
“But I will give you this; you’re right about one thing, Finn. Ellie does deserve to know. Which is why I already told her.”
“You…you did?”
“Right before I put in the transfer papers. Because I love her and that’s what you do with people you love, you tell them the truth. Why is it that you told her? Because you’re such good fucking person? Because you think I tricked her into dating me and you had to set the record straight? Because you figure I’m never gonna change? That I’m always gonna be the same stupid messed up horny kid who knocked up your girlfriend and you can never ever let me forget it? Newsflash: I don’t need you to remind me about Beth, I think about her enough on my own.”
Puck’s expression, raw, torn open and bleeding, and Will has to look away.
And then just to make the moment impossibly worse, Melody starts to cry, howling like her heart’s breaking.
God, join the club, kiddo.
Puck shakes his head, turning and moving towards the door, Will holding out a hand and then just as quickly letting it drop because there’s nothing he can say right now, not with his own baby girl in the other room.
“Will, I’m sorry.”
“Shut up, Finn.” The words are out of his mouth before he’s even realized he said them and he’s shocked to realize he doesn’t regret them because he’s more angry at Finn than he has ever been.
“If you think I’m the one you need to apologize to right now, you really are missing the god dammed point. Let me explain it to you: Your opinion on Ellie and Puck’s relationship? Doesn’t matter. Maybe it did once, in the sense that I’m sure they both would have liked it if someone who claimed to be their friend could be happy that they were happy with each other, but now we are so far beyond that, I’m figuring you’re lucky they let you in the same room with them after this.”
Finn seems to finally have gotten what a huge betrayal this actually is, his face going white and then sort of ashy grey.
“You know maybe this is partially my fault, humoring you all those times when you’d pull this overprotective big brother act with Kurt or Max. Because that’s just who you are and it means you care. But this? This is not amusing, this is not endearing, this is you being a selfish asshole and a shitty friend. This is you being childish. And I can’t…I really can’t talk to you right now.”
Will gets Melody quieted down and when he comes back, Finn’s coat and keys are gone.
Hours later, Finn’s phone is going straight to voicemail and Will has a cup of coffee in front of him that’s gone ice cold, as he absentmindedly doodles spirals in the margin of the essay he’s supposed to be grading.
Finn’s key in the door and Will has to hold on to the chair to keep from leaping up and running to him, asking if he’s alright because Finn didn’t call godammit, after sneaking off and avoiding a fight and Will is quite attached to his anger at present thank you very much and he is going to stay mad for a good long time. But then he sees the cast on Finn’s arm and that whole plan goes right out the window.
“Finn, oh my god, are you-did-did Puck do that?”
“No, I did this. I went driving. I wanted to give him time to cool down and then I went by his place and I tried to apologize but he wouldn’t listen and I told him he could punch me if that would help, free shot, get it out of his system and I promised not to fight back, but he wouldn’t Will--he wouldn’t. He told me to go away and I didn’t know what else to do so I punched a wall which was not only pretty stupid, but also hurt like a motherfucker and I didn’t want to call you because you were pissed and getting a call from the hospital that your dumbass husband broke his hand punching a wall probably wouldn’t help, and I’m sorry I worried you, and I’m just-just sorry in general that I fucked up so fucking bad and I don’t know how to fix any of it.”
Despite how spectacularly awful the situation is, Will almost wants to smile at Finn’s belief that something as simple as a heartfelt apology and a free punch would fix things and then he wants to cry when he realizes that this belief is because it always worked for them before and now that it hasn’t, Finn’s fresh out of ideas.
Finn’s voice, thin and defeated and slurring slightly with exhaustion, or maybe from painkillers if the slightly glazed look in his eyes is any indication, which is definitely a lecture for another time because yeah, not supposed to operate heavy machinery when on medication…And then Finn’s whole face just sort of crumbles, he’s folding in on himself sobbing, and Will puts his arms around him, holds on tight because that’s all he can do right now.
He can’t help it, the fleeting absurd thought, ‘I’ve been here before.’
**
A couple of broken fingers and weeks of profuse apologies help a lot with thawing out Ellie (however this doesn’t prevent her from very, very, very enthusiastically taking Finn up on that free punch, but after the sock to the gut and calling him a fucking idiot, she gives him a hug and kisses him on the cheek, so Finn swears it’s all worth it.)
Not so much with Puck. Two months later and he still won’t talk to Finn, the longest they’ve ever gone since back in the darkest days of babygate.
One day Will has a call from Tina, just a heads up that apparently there’s a bug going around the daycare and she suspects that since Billy’s just gotten sick it’s probably only a matter of time before Melody…
Forty-eight hours later and Melody’s bit and bit hard, she’s burning up with fever, he and Finn end up rushing her to the ER and the doctors put an IV in her little foot because she’s so dehydrated they can’t get one in her arm. Will’s fairly certain he’s going to have nightmares about that moment, Melody staring at him listlessly, too worn out to even cry, for the rest of his life.
Three a.m. and they smell like puke and sweat and hospital and Will’s arm around Finn’s shoulders are the only thing keeping Finn from climbing over the admit desk, grabbing the gum smacking tabloid reading night nurse who’s been stonewalling them and shaking her (and he’s stopping Finn not because he wants to really, but because one of them unfortunately has to be the grown up right now.)
Then Puck’s there like some sort of miracle (or like some sort of guy who drew the short straw and had to take the statement of the junkie who jumped off the fire escape because he thought he could fly) and he’s flashing his ‘please don’t call security on my friend’ smile, and even better than that, his badge and someone finally, finally talks to them.
Puck drinks cup after cup of truly horrific hospital coffee with them, advising them on the vending machines that have the best candy selections (and later when Will’s not having a ‘my baby’s in pain’ panic attack, he’ll have all sorts of ‘you used to by my student and now you carry a gun and know the layout of the hospital way too well and I’m not sure how I feel about that’ mixed emotions) and maintains a steady stream of dumb cops and thankfully dumber criminal stories that don’t exactly have them laughing, but make one corner of Finn’s mouth turn up slightly and you know…keep Will from losing his fucking mind.
Then the doctors come out and there are lots of words, but the ones Will zeroes in on are ‘stable’ and ‘going to be just fine’ and ‘you can see her now’ and there’s laughing and crying and he and Finn don’t so much hug as more like mutually hold each other up and then Finn definitely hugs the doctor, who accepts these messy things called human emotions with relative grace, and Will hugs Puck, and then Finn hugs Puck, who stiffens for one horrible moment but then he’s hugging back. When he lets go, punching Finn in the shoulder and saying ‘God damn, Hudson. You fucking reek right now, man.’, his eyes are suspiciously bright.
Melody’s home within the week and he and Finn go on a mad disinfecting frenzy that would have even have the likes of Emma Pillsbury going ‘whoa, step back’ and then they sleep for roughly three days.
A week later, Puck comes over with a teddy bear for Melody and a pizza and six pack of beer and Will suddenly remembers he has work…stuff. That absolutely requires his attention at this very moment, so he’ll just leave them to it.
And while it’d be wonderful if that magically fixed everything, he knows that Finn and Puck are adults now and just screaming do over doesn’t cut it anymore.
But, when he overhears Finn swearing that they are totally going to be yanking Melody out of that germ factory of a daycare and he’s going to stay home with her full time and Puck immediate reaction is to smack him upside the head, pointing out that there’s no fucking way they’d be able to survive on just one salary and what the fuck are you guys gonna do, ya dumbass, live out of your car, Will figures it’s a start.
**
At Melody’s second birthday, which is a considerably more low key event, Finn’s the one who first notices the ring. Ellie babbles about how they were going to wait to tell them, seriously, not keeping any secrets, it just happened. As in, this very morning sort of just happened because it turns out Noah’s a total sap who proposes on the anniversary of their first meeting, and she’s the sort of sap who says yes to that kind of thing, and how they didn’t want to steal the spotlight from the birthday girl…and then Ellie’s not really saying much in the way of words, it’s more like ‘can’t breathe, ribs cracking, need oxygen’ noises and Puck’s yelling at Finn to let go of his fiancée because if he breaks her, Puck’s going to change his mind about asking Finn to be his best man.
Backslaps, and congratulations, and (slightly less enthusiastic) hugs all around.
Melody’s thoughts on the whole matter are that the ring is pretty and to ask if they can open presents now.