it's late ...
for some reason, I don't want to lay down in bed.
before i start on random thought writing process... i want to make it clear that my writing here is #1 - for my own purpose and #2 - to keep in touch with those that are dear to me as I do not get to speak to them on a regular basis. this is not a forum for anyone to feel slighted by what I write. just remember that these are my feelings ... should you stumble upon this page or whatever, remember that what i write here is mainly for me. it's my opportunity to rant and rave as i please. if you don't like what you read - well, 'is anything okay'? lol! if you don't like what you read here - stop lurking/reading... i'm not keeping people here, making you suffer - the same way i'm not keeping anyone in my life that doesn't want to be here with just me. this is truly just my feelings and thoughts. if you find fault in it, i guess we all know why we're where we're at.
of late, i've asked everyone currently in my life to be honest ... it's a hard thing to ask for because quite often, i feel that's something i shouldn't have to ask. perhaps my standards are high... but accept that *this* is something that's never going to change. In a friend or a romantic relationship - honesty and truth is one of my top priorities. if you don't have trust - in my honest opinion, it's pretty much a short lived friend/relationship. along the trust line, please be aware that your action or non-action saids a lot. whatever reason you may have for doing what you are doing or acting as you are, there's feelings to be considered. don't disregard people's feelings because you want things a certain way - karma's a bitch. put yourself in other's shoes every so often.
don't put up a mask - that's the worst betrayal. in my honest opinion - your actions should reflect your words ... why say one thing and go behind and continue or start the opposite of those words? i understand that we're human - but the pain that you've caused, i don't know if you realize it, is truly great.
i guess bottom line - is the loss greater than the gain? if it is - then more power to you on your truly enlightened path of 'most gain' and best of luck because i will not be walking down this path with you. i'm sticking with what's true to my heart and those that have been true to me.
did you know ... out of a million individual, only one is 'right' for you. call it 'the one' if you want to ... so one in a million is a true statement. in our lifetime, we will have met, on average, only 140 people. 140 vs. 1,000,000 - doesn't it seem a bit easier to treat those 140 that may potentially cross your path really well? i guess that's just my take on things though.