What's in a name?
I've been thinking a lot lately about the ways I identify myself (no, this is not me pulling a Molly-esque CUST journal on your asses, just some thoughts). I have always hated when people have taken away my identity and replacing it with some sort of pronoun, like "Nick's girlfriend" or "Hayley's little sister". It has been especially trying at work, what one of the lifers refusing to call me by me name and instead referring to me as the "student". Finally, I basically said that the student had a name and she should learn it.
I really don't have a problem with all of the little subdivisions that are a part of me but the problem is that I love my name and although it bears a lot of baggage (in that a person's name is not an insignificant noun), I want people to use it. There is nothing sexier than when Nick and I are talking and he refers to me by name; for some reason it sends chills down my back. Don't get me wrong, the two of us have our share of nicknames for each other (most of which are too private to name) and we occasionally use the typical "baby" and "sweetheart" and all of that lovey-dovey stuff. But when we are having a serious conversation and Nick is trying to get his point across, he'll call me by name and it immediately makes me shut up. I don't think couples refer to each other by name nearly enough. For all of you in relationships out there, think about this. How often does your SO refer to you by your name, and your full name at that (i.e. Nicholas instead of Nick)?
Another example of this is the way your SO refers to you to his/her friends. For example, I was at Nick's house this weekend and one of his friends called this morning when we were still in bed. He got up to answer the phone and when he was asked what he was up to by the person on the other line, he replied that "the girlfriend" slept over and we were spooning (which wasn't true but that's trivial). This didn’t anger me but it did get me thinking. Maybe it is because I have a strong personality and I am a really passionate person that to reduce me to something as insignificant as "the girlfriend" it completely made all of those characteristics that I love about myself, and Nick loves about me, irrelevant? I am not sure but to be honest, it stopped me in tracks. But we all do it. At work, when I talked about Nick I refer to him as my boyfriend and I am not quite sure why. I know the names of all of my coworkers’ husbands, children and grandchildren. Why is that I feel that Nick is not an important enough name for my coworkers to remember, when he is such an important part of my life?
On a completely different note, this happens quite a bit when I talk about which school I go to. Because school occupies a large part of my time, attention, and, sadly, money, being a student from Trent is a crucial component of my identity. But what is a student from Trent like? When I mentioned my university to a coworkers, he asked me if I was a lesbian; I told him to ask my boyfriend. What the hell is that all about? Whenever someone makes a comment like this, I simply say that there is not a higher rate of gay/lesbian/transgendered groups; it is just that Trent is an extremely liberal school and more readily accepts these atypical groups. I love that fact that people at Trent don't feel obligated to hide who they are and they are able to be as flamboyant as they wish because they will be accepted at something beyond face value. Coming from a small town, this notion of freedom is ridiculously attractive and I have really grown a lot since I started at Trent. But then this leads me to ask myself: is Trent a more open-minded school because of the people who attend it or the name that is attached to it? What I mean is, am I drawn to Trent because I want to feel free to be who I am, or do I strive to be who I am because of the stereotype that Trent has affixed to it? Do I feel pressured to be intense because others around me feel the same way or has this passion been unexposed until I became a Trent student?
T/