Hummm
So the coming and typing with regularity was pretty much a fail. After going back to work I didn't go to the library which is where I started this. Not that I don't have my own computer, I do, as I am using it now. For social distancing reasons the library is not an option anyway. I need to pull my actual computer out more often. This would be a no brainer but for some reason there is an aversion to doing so. I use my phone for most everything and my e-reader for a lot of the rest.
However, when typing like this neither will work. Also for rewriting resumes and so on.
So being stuck at home all the time with both of my parents is trying. I am sure that a lot of people are experiencing that same frustrations with their situations. I mean I have been living here for several years now, not that that was ideal either but now its just so much time together. I read a blurb about how being quarantined with your parents automatically makes you revert back to feeling like/being a teenager again. It's just a whole lot of questions all the time, but not ones you want to answer or whatever. Its just feels like a never ending interrogation. How do you feel this morning? Where are you going? Are you mad at me? Are you OK? Did you call the doctor/fill out unemployment/clean your (whatever here)?
Then there is the...... We aren't having enough fun. We aren't exciting enough. We need to make this memorable. We need to be less boring. We watch too much TV. Which is this is kinda laughable because really I watch a lot of netflix on my devices but they don't and I don't actually sit in front of the tv for more than like and hour maybe 2 a day which I don't consider to be a lot. I would watch a lot more as there are a ton of things I would love to watch.
I feel like the comments and questions are vocalized meant to be inclusive and encouraging but they feel accusatory and as slights. I don't want to always feel inadequate. I feel half my waking moments are spent apologizing for things.
I know that none of this is malice and that I am over reacting. I feel like I am not coping with anything well and haven't been for a while and this is just bringing it to a head so to speak. People recommend making a list of the things you love and getting in touch with those things or activities again. It's hard to remember what those things are. I love to read, that is looked at as lazy, as is binge watching tv. (BTW outter banks on netflix was awesome) this use to be fun or at least cathartic. It might still be if I did it with some regularity. I love to do a lot of active things like yoga and zumba even rock climbing at one time but those things are out of the question because of my ankles, feet, and now shins apparently.
I liked to cross stitch but kits are limited because it seems to be the hot new things during this time. I need to open my crochet kit and hope the arthritis in my thumbs stays at bay. I like to cook so that has helped but then that also makes others feel like they aren't contributing. (insert eye roll) Plus they feel like its a chore where as I want to do it. Well I like to cook but more importantly I hate to eat things that are bland or over cooked or boiled to death. Well honestly I don't know anyone who likes the last two.
I lack the brainstorming power I felt I once had. Any advice for mental clarity? I would love to know what I wanted to do with this time, my life, new hobbies, anything actually.