(no subject)
know what .... life was easier when i could just hate my mom and be done with it .... not that i didnt love here i did ....
it was just i dunno the opposition i needed....
i mean doesnt every story need a good antagonist.... perhaps thats what i am looking for
there was a good thought i had earlier that i wanted to write about ... but i so quickly lost it and it never came back ... i hate when that happens ...
it was something about being who you wanted to be ... that kinda of thing ... the whole you have exactly the kind of life you want ... and if you didnt want it then you would change it and so on .... that wasnt really what it was .... but kinda on the tip of that
the getting upset at the situation .y. but at the same time not time not knowing how to change it or make it better the next time around ... that kinda thing ..... i mean.... its wanting something so bad... but that thing you want isnt dependent on you .. or so you think .... see thats the problem .. all you can do is change modify or alter your actions ... not anyone elses..... so
so i want to find that you know perfect person ..... and thought i had once or twice..... and if that were true i would have settled... you know ... accepting what you currently have because you dont think you can do better.... or whatever in that vain of thought .... not knowing that theres something else better out there.... i dunno what ... but its easier to you know dream about things ... than to actually have to be apart of it or something .....
getting in my own way ..... im so on the verge of it and i cant get i out right ....
oh ... you want to be noticed.... but you dont want to do the things to get noticed.... and then if by some off chance you do get noticed... you have no clue what to do .. so at the same time you want to get noticed.. you deathly afraid of it ... it makes you uncomfortable .. scared .... so is the risk worth the reward.... i dont know ....
its the difference i think to in wanting someone to do something for you but not having to ask ... i mean .... in that person knowing what you wouldlike might want or need and then you know fufilling it ..... just because they want to do that thing for you ..... that sort of thing .... it means more if the person wants to do whatever .. instead of asking them to do it for you .... i mean you could ask .. but it wouldnt mean nearly as much ...
so too is the wanting to be noticed.... theres part of it that is about just wanting to be noticed without having to do something to be noticed... you know noticed for just being who you are... being able to attract good genuine people to you because of your own unique qualities personality and so on ....
i mean isnt that why ppl fear the person they are seeing will see their fatal flaw and leave.... thats what people are really good at leaving ... turning around walking out of your life and leaving .... or being totally not what you need in your life... the worst are the pretenders ....
blah .. this makes no sense ..... i need to see the bigger picture ... whatever that is ... stay or go ... i dont know which .... still being here is a bit painful ..... the job ... is .. blah kind of sucky .... at seven months in i would have thought i would have had more trainig by now ....
but i really like tom ... and i dont want to leave him ...... but staying at a job just because you feel loyal to one person on staff but want to bash in several other ppls heads.... and the staff is only seven ppl deep.... might be a slight problem ....
i was told to do something fun this weekend ... but stupid ike ... theres not much fun to do .... plus i need to spend a good portion of my time trying to go grocrie shopping .... i mean finding a store thats open and so on ... cant go to galveston ... or the gulf for hours away cause its all messed up .... would go visit jesse jones park .. but its prolly closed like we are for damanges... will probably try the scuba thing tomorrow night .... who knows..... and i dont think the movies are open either ... weeee.....
so yeah if your on vacation i dont want to hear about that right now ..... plus while the beach would be nice.. im coverd in so many black and blue marks that i look like i have been beat and wouldnt wear a swim suit in public for fear of stupid questions
it was just i dunno the opposition i needed....
i mean doesnt every story need a good antagonist.... perhaps thats what i am looking for
there was a good thought i had earlier that i wanted to write about ... but i so quickly lost it and it never came back ... i hate when that happens ...
it was something about being who you wanted to be ... that kinda of thing ... the whole you have exactly the kind of life you want ... and if you didnt want it then you would change it and so on .... that wasnt really what it was .... but kinda on the tip of that
the getting upset at the situation .y. but at the same time not time not knowing how to change it or make it better the next time around ... that kinda thing ..... i mean.... its wanting something so bad... but that thing you want isnt dependent on you .. or so you think .... see thats the problem .. all you can do is change modify or alter your actions ... not anyone elses..... so
so i want to find that you know perfect person ..... and thought i had once or twice..... and if that were true i would have settled... you know ... accepting what you currently have because you dont think you can do better.... or whatever in that vain of thought .... not knowing that theres something else better out there.... i dunno what ... but its easier to you know dream about things ... than to actually have to be apart of it or something .....
getting in my own way ..... im so on the verge of it and i cant get i out right ....
oh ... you want to be noticed.... but you dont want to do the things to get noticed.... and then if by some off chance you do get noticed... you have no clue what to do .. so at the same time you want to get noticed.. you deathly afraid of it ... it makes you uncomfortable .. scared .... so is the risk worth the reward.... i dont know ....
its the difference i think to in wanting someone to do something for you but not having to ask ... i mean .... in that person knowing what you wouldlike might want or need and then you know fufilling it ..... just because they want to do that thing for you ..... that sort of thing .... it means more if the person wants to do whatever .. instead of asking them to do it for you .... i mean you could ask .. but it wouldnt mean nearly as much ...
so too is the wanting to be noticed.... theres part of it that is about just wanting to be noticed without having to do something to be noticed... you know noticed for just being who you are... being able to attract good genuine people to you because of your own unique qualities personality and so on ....
i mean isnt that why ppl fear the person they are seeing will see their fatal flaw and leave.... thats what people are really good at leaving ... turning around walking out of your life and leaving .... or being totally not what you need in your life... the worst are the pretenders ....
blah .. this makes no sense ..... i need to see the bigger picture ... whatever that is ... stay or go ... i dont know which .... still being here is a bit painful ..... the job ... is .. blah kind of sucky .... at seven months in i would have thought i would have had more trainig by now ....
but i really like tom ... and i dont want to leave him ...... but staying at a job just because you feel loyal to one person on staff but want to bash in several other ppls heads.... and the staff is only seven ppl deep.... might be a slight problem ....
i was told to do something fun this weekend ... but stupid ike ... theres not much fun to do .... plus i need to spend a good portion of my time trying to go grocrie shopping .... i mean finding a store thats open and so on ... cant go to galveston ... or the gulf for hours away cause its all messed up .... would go visit jesse jones park .. but its prolly closed like we are for damanges... will probably try the scuba thing tomorrow night .... who knows..... and i dont think the movies are open either ... weeee.....
so yeah if your on vacation i dont want to hear about that right now ..... plus while the beach would be nice.. im coverd in so many black and blue marks that i look like i have been beat and wouldnt wear a swim suit in public for fear of stupid questions