(no subject)
when is it you realize you really should be someplace else ... totally not where you are and the thing is you know its because of one singular decision ... unfortuantly made several years ago ....
and the thing is you know ... that had you changed that moment that things would not be like they are today ... but wouldnt necessarily have ended up well....
i guess the call it living with regret ..... and most of the time yeah i am pretty good with the decisions i have made.... as indecisive as i am ..... and i know there is no sense what so ever in wishing i had chosen differently .... cause while if i did things would have ended differently they wouldnt be any better than the moment right now ....
and call it the friday night blues .... its my friday night ... i suppose i get this way every start of the weekend .... wishing i had a little more to keep me busy and so on..... or maybe its just envious of the things others have ... sad really .....
thing is i dont know how to make it better.... i mean at this point its only about making me feel better which in the end isnt good at all ... and usually screws things up for everyone .... and the usual course is to just keep on doing what i have been doing .. you know ... putting one foot in front of the other ..... getting up ... surviving the day ... crashing ... not nearly early enough .... and the getting up tomorrow to do it all over again ... just when the weekends get here... and though i am totally burnt out on work .... im kinda bored and at the same time have no drive to do a damn thing .... stupid .. anyway
as per usual ill keep trying to figure things out ... though i have to say ... man am i really confused about just about every aspect of my life ... the only place im not is were my imediate family is concerned .... and i need to work harder on keep in better touch with them .... but on the bright side .... i am gonna go to southern california for three days in august..... on the not so bright side.... i screwed up visiting a friend in north carolina next week cause i didnt make a decision to purchase tickets soon enough .... and now the prices are 200 more than they were.... i cant afford that ....
and i really do have enough to occupy myself with getting ready for my parents to visit in august .. keeping up with the unpacking even after two months ... the regualr upkeep ... and reading personal finances for dummies...
i know ... its just more confused rambleings that dont make a hell of a lot of sense ... and complaining about things i have no clue how or if i want to change .... and more depressing stuff and no happy news ..... which has been par for the course for the last six moths i suppose or more .... ill get my act together one of these days .... need to do some more time and some really deep thinking or something ....
and the thing is you know ... that had you changed that moment that things would not be like they are today ... but wouldnt necessarily have ended up well....
i guess the call it living with regret ..... and most of the time yeah i am pretty good with the decisions i have made.... as indecisive as i am ..... and i know there is no sense what so ever in wishing i had chosen differently .... cause while if i did things would have ended differently they wouldnt be any better than the moment right now ....
and call it the friday night blues .... its my friday night ... i suppose i get this way every start of the weekend .... wishing i had a little more to keep me busy and so on..... or maybe its just envious of the things others have ... sad really .....
thing is i dont know how to make it better.... i mean at this point its only about making me feel better which in the end isnt good at all ... and usually screws things up for everyone .... and the usual course is to just keep on doing what i have been doing .. you know ... putting one foot in front of the other ..... getting up ... surviving the day ... crashing ... not nearly early enough .... and the getting up tomorrow to do it all over again ... just when the weekends get here... and though i am totally burnt out on work .... im kinda bored and at the same time have no drive to do a damn thing .... stupid .. anyway
as per usual ill keep trying to figure things out ... though i have to say ... man am i really confused about just about every aspect of my life ... the only place im not is were my imediate family is concerned .... and i need to work harder on keep in better touch with them .... but on the bright side .... i am gonna go to southern california for three days in august..... on the not so bright side.... i screwed up visiting a friend in north carolina next week cause i didnt make a decision to purchase tickets soon enough .... and now the prices are 200 more than they were.... i cant afford that ....
and i really do have enough to occupy myself with getting ready for my parents to visit in august .. keeping up with the unpacking even after two months ... the regualr upkeep ... and reading personal finances for dummies...
i know ... its just more confused rambleings that dont make a hell of a lot of sense ... and complaining about things i have no clue how or if i want to change .... and more depressing stuff and no happy news ..... which has been par for the course for the last six moths i suppose or more .... ill get my act together one of these days .... need to do some more time and some really deep thinking or something ....