[Fanfic] Heaven (Oneshot - Part 2)
At my 17, I saw him truant.
It was a boring day, there were only whole subjects that I hated, I fell asleep in the class. This time, I pretended that I was sick to skip it, luckily that my teacher didn't doubt anything about this.
I went to shool roof and was about to take a nap there, but I got really surprised to see him here. After all he was a out-going person with many friends around, not the kind of lonely person like me. I began to feel curious, rather find it interesting.
- What a great surprised, you also skip class to go here? - I sat down beside him.
- It's boring so I skip. - He absently answered.
- Why do you go here?
- It's cool & comfortable! - He smiled, and sprawled out on the large ground, his eyes looked toward the sky.
Today was a sunny day. Sky seemed more blue and fresh than previous days. Finally, these rainy days also went away.
I hated rain! The rain made me can't go to the roof and must sleep in the class to pass these boring lessons. From a long time ago I already regarded this place as my private sky. From here, I could see the sky. I felt my heart relieved and calm.
But today probably I was being bothered by other person. Nevermind, not so many times he went here, I would allow him to stay a little.
- Ne Ryo-chan, - He suddenly spoke, he still kept calling me with that name, so tired, I didn't even want to fight back anymore, I also never called him by nii-chan anyway.
- Hm ? - I lazily lay down beside him, eyes half closed.
- Do you believe heaven is real?
I smiled slightly.
………………
Heaven? When I was young, I was used to ask my father that question. Heaven is real or not? Dad just smiled and lightly rubbed my head :
- Yes Ryo-chan, heaven is real.
- Where is it Daddy ? Mom is there too ?
- Look at this , - Dad put his hand up and drew an arc on the clouds, it seemed to be shining in the sun, like the gate of heaven. - Your mom is there, Ryo.
- I want to go there, what should I do?
- Everyone will once go up there, just be a good person, there will be the day you can go. But not now, Ryo-chan.
- So will Mom wait for me there ?
- Even if when you turn to be an old man in the future, she will still be there waiting for you!
That's right. Heaven always exists.
…………………
- Yes, I believe heaven is real.
- Me too. You know what Ryo? Sunny days are the times you can see the heaven clearly the most!
- Why?
- Look at this! - He put his hand up and drew an arc on the clouds, it seemed to be shining in the sun, like the gate of heaven.
For the first time in my life, I felt him not abominable.
*
Today it's raining, I can't see heaven anymore. All left here is just dark gray and black. Gray is only color of the clouds right, Yuya? The sky is always blue and full of hope.
That time, Yuya told me the truth about his family, about why my father adopted him. He never spoke to me that much. Until the sunset redden the sky, we just stood up and went home.
I didn’t know Yuya's father was a close friend of my dad. They had lost contact for a very long time. I didn't know my birthday that year was also the day they found and recognized each other. I didn’t know his parents, the only ones he had in his life , already died in a car accident while driving home, and didn't know my father had promised them that he would love and take care him like his own son.
I didn’t know. Didn't know anything.
Suddenly, I felt so remorse. I only brought torments for him, the kinder he treated me , the more I felt uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable because I must share all things I had with him, because Dad always forced me to hear him, and to call him by nii-chan. I felt uncomfortable because he always smiled with me, and made concessions to my selfishness. Have you ever known how to get mad, Yuya? Why didn't you hit me, yell at me everytime I treated you that bad ?
I'm sorry, Yuya!
I was too accustomed in playing bad to him, bad-mouthing to him and doing things to make him upset . But since that day , I realized I was slowly changing. Everytime I didn't see his face, I missed it. Sometimes I also called him nii-chan and let him drive me to school. Everytime we were mad at each other, I didn't evict him to sleep on the floor anymore, I still allowed him to sleep with me on our bed, but not allow to hug me , kiss me on my forehead or … anything, or else I would send him to hell.
For now, when being left alone, I still remember these winter rainy days, his arms were very wide, and so warm. I'm melting in every kisses he gave . Since I have him, I never need Teddy bear anymore. I'm too familiar with his warmth already, so familiar that from the day he's no longer with me, I'm never be able to sleep peacefully.
Yuya, today it's raining again, I'm so cold. Why aren't you here?
*
When I turned 20, he confessed to me.
In a quiet and cool evening summer, he was waiting for me at the local park, told me that there was something important he need to tell me. He looked really good and … handsome that time, while I only wore simple shirt and short pants. Seeing that he just kept muttering alone in the toilet recently, I guessed he prepared to confess to a girl, but didn't want to tell me. I simply thought, he just wanted to meet me and ask me comment for him a few words before he went confessing to the real one.
- Ryosuke, I have been wanting to say this to you since a long time ago - He took a deep breath, looking nervously at me .
- I know it . You're going to confess right? - I slightly smirked.
- How did you know? - Looking at the nervous face suddenly turning freeze of his, I couldn't help but laughed.
- Recently you kept on preparing it in WC, you thought I didn't know ? Come on, who is that girl? Tell me?
That baka face of his suddenly flashed lightly an unintelligible smile, then immediately turned back to its serious expression.
- Ryosuke, I love you!
Ryosuke, I love you
I looked at him, and silent.
Ryosuke, I love you
What did he just say? Why did that turn out to be my name? It must be a girl's name! Ryosuke is not a name of a girl !
Ryosuke, I love you
No, no , it's impossible!
Why ? Why it must be me? I am a boy, I have been always treating bad to him and bringing torments to him, why does he even love me?
No, this is just a joke! That's right, totally a joke !
Yuya, you're good, you start to know how to play evil joke with me right?
- Love ? - I brusted out laughing - It's too much for a joke already Yuya, how can the two of boys love each other ?
- It's not a joke - Yuya gently cupped my face, looking deeply into my widen eyes . I .. I could feel his breath getting so near to me … - Look at me, Ryosuke. Do you love me?
Yes
- No! - I brushed his hand dismissively and about to run away .
- I know you lie, Ryosuke, I know you love me too! - He grabbed my arm tightly , holding me back.
I tugged my arm away of his hold and walked out of the park. Under the street lamp, I saw his saddened eyes were like striking straightly into me. I … didn't want to look at these eyes, if he knew what I was thinking, what shoud I do ?
Why am I like that? After all I am a boy, I can't love him, I can't make my father get disappointed. And how will other people look at me after this ? I don't want to be called as a gay, and don't want him to suffer and get scorned by people for loving me.
But his eyes still haunted me. Until now, I still dreamed of these eyes, they were full of dark and sadness. I couldn't take this anymore. I walked quickly toward the road, I wanted to flee from him, so that he wouldn't catch me anymore.
I knew he was chasing me, very close.
I ran.
I ran, ran across the road without noticing a headlight flashing towards my way, very fast on the deserted street.
When I realized, it was too late. I found myself being pushed to aside of the road.
Someone just called my name . A very familiar voice !
Yuya of mine was laying unconsciously on the road, under the bleak light.
Blood, too much blood ! Blood everywhere !
Please wake up, just wake up, Yuya! Don't sleep here! Wake up and we will go home!
Open your eyes please ! Dad is waiting for us, open your eyes please ! Yuya !
No , no , don't die !
I will save you, don’t die, Yuya! Don't die, please wait for me !
I will save you!
I love you
- Ryo ..suke - He quietly opened his eyes, every words mixing with weaky and interrupted breaths - ... I … love .. you …
Anybody here ? Help me !!!!!!
*
- Daddy, do you miss Mom ?
- Yes, I always miss your Mom, Ryo-chan!
- Dad always love Mom and Ryo-chan, don't you ? Even when Mom already died, right Dad ?
- Of course I always do. Ryo-chan know what, when one of them dies, their love will become immortal! Your Mom is always here - My Dad pointed to his left chest - And here! - He pointed to my left chest.
When one of them dies, their love will become immortal.
Ne Yuya, do you believe that?
Now I believe it!
That day, I couldn’t save you. You're happy, right Yuya? Now, you already came to heaven, you brought immortal love to there. No matter how much I kept on screaming, drowning and smashing like a mad person, you still left me.
How long has it been? How long has it been since I haven't cry? How long has it been since I coudn't stop from waiting these sunny days coming back for me to see the heaven? How long has it been since the sky only kept becoming gray like this?
Previously I always dreamed that my love would become immortal. But now, I don't need it anymore. Immortal for what ,when you are no longer with me? Immortal for what , when one of two person must die?
Good people will eventually come to heaven someday. And those bad and selfish people like me, have to suffer forever on this earth, to regret all their mistakes , and everyday keep on gazing at the heaven!
But I already regret enough, I fell in love with you but refused to admit about it, I let you go without me. I regret so much, so much, I want to see you, I want to apologize for real , not only in the thoughts !
That's right. I'll go to your place. I miss you like crazy already! Dad also died, there is nothing left for me to bind on this earth.
I'm so tired. I want to go to your place to take a nap, just like the day we were laying beside each other on our school roof.
Yuya, wait for me, don't go anywhere, I will find you.
Wait for me, only a little bit.
A little bit more …
I love you …
*
Finally, overcast rainly day also passed away. Today is a sunny day, a sunny day that I might be able to see you.
You're smiling and walking towards me, right, Ryosuke ? Why did you come so early? So much ealier than I thought. I didn't prepare anything at all!
But anyway, since you already come here, I'll forgive you. How long have I not seeing your smile ? From now on, you must always keep smiling like that!
Do you see the sky, Ryosuke ? A sky always blue and full of hope. Give me your hand, I'll show you!
Ryosuke, I have been always waiting for you at this place. I want anywhere you go, I'm also the first person you can see. You always asked me that I believed in immortal love or not. Immortal for what, when I already have you?
You'll hold my hand forever ?
*
Sunny days are the times we can see the heaven clearly the most, right Yuya?
*
END.
A/N: Another oneshot of mine !<3 For me angst is one of the hardest genres, not my usual style , but I tried my best & gave all my heart at this ^^ Hope TakaYama shippers will like it !! (or you can kill me for real haha xD ) Enjoy reading !! TakaYama is love love love <3<3<3