Complications, Conspiracies, and Consternation
So two things happened yesterday that relate to my quest to become a Pokémon Master seamstress.
1. I took my initial measurements. The big five that determine what size patterns I buy and such, right? (For those who don't sew that's height, back waist length-which is basically the length of your torso from neck to waist sans any bulges from boobies-bust, waist, and hips.) From those you can determine your stature and then your pattern size.
The first two measurements bring me in at a Misses Petite which is no shock to me at all because I be a short ass bitch.
The last three, though, are where it gets fucked up.
Oh and just for reference, again, if you're not the sewing type: Vanity sizing, that bane of women everywhere that makes you have to try on EVERYTHING because you never know if you're going to wear a fourteen or a twelve or a friggin' twenty? It doesn't exist here. The sewing pattern industry hasn't changed sizes in, like, EVER. And they don't sugar coat anything. AND THEY KNOW WHAT A FUCKING STANDARD IS. If you're a size fourteen for Simplicity, you're a size fourteen for Butterick and McCalls and every other company out there. Because LOGIC, bitches. IT WORKS.
Not that I feel sort of strongly about this or anything. *cough*
Anyway.
So yes. I should be a size fourteen.
But I am, shall we say, generously endowed in the curves department? And though I could stand to lose a little weight, that's only going to do so much.
When I was in the Navy I had to be measured all the time and this much I can tell you: I have hips designed for birthing babies with ease. That is not something that is going to change without the kind of surgery they show on both fashion and medical cable channels because it's really kind of drastic and only makes sense if you're actually crazy about the way you look. Surgery is also the only resort when it comes to the girls up top too. On the molehills-to-Mt.-Everest scale, I come in somewhere around Denali.
So as far as my figure goes, I'm a size 26W.
Now, if any of you who sew out there know differently, by all means correct me, but according to my book my best bet is to buy patterns for size 14 and then adjust the hell out of the cup size and butt and waist if needed. Happily, the book also has a ton of lovely information on these things. Or at least on the bust it does. IDK about the ass and waist. I might have to do more research.
*ETA: Checked the book. It does have a section on adjusting for waist/hips, but it's not as extensive as for the bust. Might be enough though. Seems pretty straightforward. If not, I guess I'll learn when I sew, right? LOL
So this explains why pretty much NOTHING I HAVE EVER BOUGHT since the age of about 18 (when I crossed out of the realm of bra sizes you can buy anywhere but special order or Lane Bryant) has ever fit properly.
...
And also, why the ladies at the Navy Uniform Shop used to get those looks on their faces when I walked in the door. Hmmmmm. *ponders*
2. THERE IS A CONSPIRACY AGAINST MY PERSON. I went to go browse the pattern books and maybe pick up one or two things that I would use as carrots to dangle in front of my face when I got discouraged. Really pretty and possibly more fanciful than useful things, you know? But I forget sometimes that I live in a place stuck in like the 1940's as far as things to do after dark. All the fabric stores close early. I decided I'd go to Walmart because the patterns are the exact same and sometimes they're cheaper but APPARENTLY Walmart doesn't SELL patterns anymore. Or at least the one by me doesn't.
(Amusingly enough, I wasn't the only one who was there at that time looking for patterns and the other girl was all, "Fukkit. Let's just get some wine and go." Where I live, they don't sell anything but beer outside of the state liquor store and at restaurants. One of her obviously local friends goes, "Um..." and then she's all, "Shit. This isn't California, is it?" I could totally sympathize with her. I was getting rather frustrated myself.)
I was feeling like I'd wasted my whole trip and rather annoyed anyway because I really should have been at home doing homework but my ADHD was flaring up and so concentrating anything academic was just NOT happening and I was pretty much to the point of
but there wasn't anyone at the fabric table at Walmart.
So I ended up buying pinking shears, small scissors for detail work, and a yardstick.
*is conflicted*
I mean, that's not bad because I needed that stuff anyway and the pinking shears were, again, on sale. But still. Very frustrating. *sigh*
Oh and going back today? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- No. Nothing is open on Sunday either. Tomorrow I have to meet with a partner to do schoolwork all day. Tuesday morning is school. Tuesday afternoon is probably the earliest I might get back to a store that has what I want. Maybe.
*wanders off to try and actually do something useful with the day*
1. I took my initial measurements. The big five that determine what size patterns I buy and such, right? (For those who don't sew that's height, back waist length-which is basically the length of your torso from neck to waist sans any bulges from boobies-bust, waist, and hips.) From those you can determine your stature and then your pattern size.
The first two measurements bring me in at a Misses Petite which is no shock to me at all because I be a short ass bitch.
The last three, though, are where it gets fucked up.
Oh and just for reference, again, if you're not the sewing type: Vanity sizing, that bane of women everywhere that makes you have to try on EVERYTHING because you never know if you're going to wear a fourteen or a twelve or a friggin' twenty? It doesn't exist here. The sewing pattern industry hasn't changed sizes in, like, EVER. And they don't sugar coat anything. AND THEY KNOW WHAT A FUCKING STANDARD IS. If you're a size fourteen for Simplicity, you're a size fourteen for Butterick and McCalls and every other company out there. Because LOGIC, bitches. IT WORKS.
Not that I feel sort of strongly about this or anything. *cough*
Anyway.
So yes. I should be a size fourteen.
But I am, shall we say, generously endowed in the curves department? And though I could stand to lose a little weight, that's only going to do so much.
When I was in the Navy I had to be measured all the time and this much I can tell you: I have hips designed for birthing babies with ease. That is not something that is going to change without the kind of surgery they show on both fashion and medical cable channels because it's really kind of drastic and only makes sense if you're actually crazy about the way you look. Surgery is also the only resort when it comes to the girls up top too. On the molehills-to-Mt.-Everest scale, I come in somewhere around Denali.
So as far as my figure goes, I'm a size 26W.
Now, if any of you who sew out there know differently, by all means correct me, but according to my book my best bet is to buy patterns for size 14 and then adjust the hell out of the cup size and butt and waist if needed. Happily, the book also has a ton of lovely information on these things. Or at least on the bust it does. IDK about the ass and waist. I might have to do more research.
*ETA: Checked the book. It does have a section on adjusting for waist/hips, but it's not as extensive as for the bust. Might be enough though. Seems pretty straightforward. If not, I guess I'll learn when I sew, right? LOL
So this explains why pretty much NOTHING I HAVE EVER BOUGHT since the age of about 18 (when I crossed out of the realm of bra sizes you can buy anywhere but special order or Lane Bryant) has ever fit properly.
...
And also, why the ladies at the Navy Uniform Shop used to get those looks on their faces when I walked in the door. Hmmmmm. *ponders*
2. THERE IS A CONSPIRACY AGAINST MY PERSON. I went to go browse the pattern books and maybe pick up one or two things that I would use as carrots to dangle in front of my face when I got discouraged. Really pretty and possibly more fanciful than useful things, you know? But I forget sometimes that I live in a place stuck in like the 1940's as far as things to do after dark. All the fabric stores close early. I decided I'd go to Walmart because the patterns are the exact same and sometimes they're cheaper but APPARENTLY Walmart doesn't SELL patterns anymore. Or at least the one by me doesn't.
(Amusingly enough, I wasn't the only one who was there at that time looking for patterns and the other girl was all, "Fukkit. Let's just get some wine and go." Where I live, they don't sell anything but beer outside of the state liquor store and at restaurants. One of her obviously local friends goes, "Um..." and then she's all, "Shit. This isn't California, is it?" I could totally sympathize with her. I was getting rather frustrated myself.)
I was feeling like I'd wasted my whole trip and rather annoyed anyway because I really should have been at home doing homework but my ADHD was flaring up and so concentrating anything academic was just NOT happening and I was pretty much to the point of
but there wasn't anyone at the fabric table at Walmart.
So I ended up buying pinking shears, small scissors for detail work, and a yardstick.
*is conflicted*
I mean, that's not bad because I needed that stuff anyway and the pinking shears were, again, on sale. But still. Very frustrating. *sigh*
Oh and going back today? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- No. Nothing is open on Sunday either. Tomorrow I have to meet with a partner to do schoolwork all day. Tuesday morning is school. Tuesday afternoon is probably the earliest I might get back to a store that has what I want. Maybe.
*wanders off to try and actually do something useful with the day*