i know this is a strange way to tell you
i am, i am, i am the luckiest.
i love you more than i can ever find the words to say to you.
i will fixate on you. i will cry over you. i will sigh for you, long for you, ache for you. i will talk to you in my head, but not out loud. i will write you letters but never send them. i will tell you a hundred times over in the ether, but never for real. i will love you. is this where all my wrong turns and stumbles and falls have brought me? i will be in pain most of the time you are around. i will watch you constantly, but always with a fear of getting caught. i will always hide. i will show my love to you every day, in a million ways, but never let you see it. i will try to be your guardian angel. i will give you everything i have. i will spend myself a million times over, tire myself into sickness and think myself into madness. i will be poetry and prose for you. i will smile every day. i will hurt every day. will you remember me when you're ninety? i will know that we belong and i will die because we can't ever belong. i will hurt. i will hurt. i will claim songs, movies, poems, new worlds of meaning and expression which i will hide away in myself for the telling of my love. but nothing is real, nothing is said. you won't ever know. i will give up things for you. i will submerge myself in you. i will remember everything you tell me, every conversation we have, every time you look at me. i will treasure my name in your mouth. i will know things about you. i will try to protect you, since no one will protect me. i will tie myself to you. i will always know where you are. you can't know me like i know you. you won't love me, so i will have love enough for the both of us.
i love you more than i can ever find the words to say to you.
i will fixate on you. i will cry over you. i will sigh for you, long for you, ache for you. i will talk to you in my head, but not out loud. i will write you letters but never send them. i will tell you a hundred times over in the ether, but never for real. i will love you. is this where all my wrong turns and stumbles and falls have brought me? i will be in pain most of the time you are around. i will watch you constantly, but always with a fear of getting caught. i will always hide. i will show my love to you every day, in a million ways, but never let you see it. i will try to be your guardian angel. i will give you everything i have. i will spend myself a million times over, tire myself into sickness and think myself into madness. i will be poetry and prose for you. i will smile every day. i will hurt every day. will you remember me when you're ninety? i will know that we belong and i will die because we can't ever belong. i will hurt. i will hurt. i will claim songs, movies, poems, new worlds of meaning and expression which i will hide away in myself for the telling of my love. but nothing is real, nothing is said. you won't ever know. i will give up things for you. i will submerge myself in you. i will remember everything you tell me, every conversation we have, every time you look at me. i will treasure my name in your mouth. i will know things about you. i will try to protect you, since no one will protect me. i will tie myself to you. i will always know where you are. you can't know me like i know you. you won't love me, so i will have love enough for the both of us.