Lookit those cavement go
In response to the meme I posted here, here's my list of characters and the messes they'd get into.
1. The Master/Harry Saxon
2. Ianto Jones
3. Noah Bennet
4. Gene Hunt
5. Bobby Singer
6. Hector Barbossa
7. Jimmy Wilson
8. Sod Off Baldrick
9. Nicholas Angel
10. Billy Hyde
7 & 10 are on a top secret mission to assassinate someone else on the list. Who and do they manage to go through with it?
What people don't realise about Jimmy Wilson is that he's actually a superhero with the moniker of "Oncology Boy." It doesn't take much to appeal to Jimmy's sensitive nature, which a stranger named Hyde enjoys exploiting all to much. All he needs to do is convince Wilson he's dying of some rare type of cancer and ask Wilson for one dying wish. In this case, Hyde just really, really wants the bastard who tasered him in the genitalia and caused the debilitating crotch cancer to pay: a man by the name of Ianto Jones. Wilson, with the wrath of a god chases Ianto down and is somehow duped into trying to kill Jack Harkness instead, who laughs, and takes Ianto and Wilson to bed with him. Owen watches and takes pictures to put on the interwebs. Dr. Jackman locks Hyde in the chair for a week after that stunt.
2 & 6 get trapped in an elevator and it's estimated they won't be freed for quite some time. What do they do to pass the time?
Ianto and Barbossa will begin by being upset by the elevator's malfunction, which will slowly and subtley evolve into a contest to see which person will get tired and sit down first: Ianto who won't realize there's a contest on, or Barbossa who is too proud to brag. He will cheat, by alluding to sore feet, how it must be difficult to be on one's feet all day, and wouldn't Ianto rather sit down for awhile. Ianto will mention how Jack would often prefer him on his back with one of those new-found smirks of his. Barbossa will groan, reminded of his own Jack and remark about how all Jack's are evil, and depraved men, which prompts Ianto to quip that, "Perhaps not evil, but they certainly have definite ideas about what they want." Barbossa agrees, declaring, "Captain Jack was better off rotting in Davy Jones' Locker," and Ianto will ask how Barbossa met the Captain. A long and strange conversation later, it is decided that obviously, Captain Jack Harkness and Captain Jack Sparrow are obviously the same man, and that it is a good thing that he managed to get rid of the syphilis before he took the name of Harkness.
1, 3, 8, and 9 decide to audition for a reality tv show. What type of reality tv show does each go for and how do they do?
Angel will refuse until he is forced into the line up of bachelors, still in his uniform, while some tarty Bachelorette flirts with the blokes. This causes Nicholas to grow impatient, and arrest the Bachelorette for a public display of affection and assaulting a police officer (with a kiss). He will lose. Miserably.
Baldrick, hands down, is Fear Factor, and he will win. What people don't know, is that he is actually quite an able gymnast and will win not by eating 20 cockroaches, but by being able to cross a tightrope 11 stories in the air in only 53.2 seconds.
Noah Bennet, is firmly against the idea of Who Wants to Be a Superhero is becoming more and more appealing to him because he is completely jealous of his daughter and Claude and the people he's coming in contact with. He wants nothing more than to be just as cool and super as they are, but he obviously can't be because he doesn't have powers. Finally, Clair convinces him that it was would good for him and that they could always change their name afterwards and move. Against his better judgment (and probably thanks to the Haitian), he does enter as Office Block Persecutor--with his horn-rimmed glasses of justice, he is able to burn reports to cinders and his pocket protector of righteousness holds the pens necessary to stop shipping jobs overseas. He is the third one kicked off because he failed to see the cat in the tree on his way to save the old lady who was about to be run over by a Mack truck.
The Master would go on Win Ben Stein's money. He would lose, because he didn't know that it was the Dixie Chicks who were criticised for bad mouthing President Bush.
4 & 5 get deserted on an island where they soon discover mysterious noises in the nearby jungle. What's the noise and how do the two manage to deal with their situation.
Gene and Bobby will devise a clever way of deciding who will go into the jungle and investigate--Gene with his pistol, or Bobby with his holy water. Gene feels obligated to protect Bobby, being a civilian, and he's actually convinced that the noises are some kind of sounds from civilisation. After a quick and dirty game of naughts and crosses that he loses, Gene darts into the jungle anyway, causing Bobby to facepalm and mutter something along the lines of "You idgit."
Bobby will walk about 50 metres into the jungle and find Gene, strung up by his pasty ankle while a group of pygmies dance below. It turns out that the pygmies were hunting for spirits that've been haunting them for the past week (Bobby can definitely speak pygmy.) and Gene's pale enough to fit the bill, much to his chagrin. Bobby convinces the pygmies that Gene's not the one causing trouble and that he can have a proper trap for ghosts set up right quick. The following night, Bobby's caught one hell of a demon that he exorcises without trouble. Gene is upset because he was almost pygmy chow, ghosts aren't real, and he secretly really misses Sam Gladys back home. Bobby's awesomeness prompts the pygmies to tell Bobby how to build an awesome boat that they can use to get to another, more populated island. Bobby and Gene paddle to Truk, in the Micronesian Crescent, and catch a plane back to the US (and eventually, England, for Gene). Sam greets him upon arrival and alternately beats the shit out of him and kisses him quare on the lips.
Whoa those prompts were hard core.
In other news, anybody read this? Poor Hamster. This quote naturally jumped out at me, but when you think about what happened to him, how scary must that show've been?
“It’s been a bloody long journey and it’s still going. It’s when I consider how far I’ve come since I was in hospital that I realise there was a lot more to fix than I thought. The swelling has gone down, my brain is as mended as it’s likely to be. Now it seems to be more a case of rewiring itself. That’s assuming I’m sitting here talking to you and I’m not about to wake up in hospital, in some sort of Life on Mars moment . . . Now that was a difficult TV series to watch.”
1. The Master/Harry Saxon
2. Ianto Jones
3. Noah Bennet
4. Gene Hunt
5. Bobby Singer
6. Hector Barbossa
7. Jimmy Wilson
8. Sod Off Baldrick
9. Nicholas Angel
10. Billy Hyde
What people don't realise about Jimmy Wilson is that he's actually a superhero with the moniker of "Oncology Boy." It doesn't take much to appeal to Jimmy's sensitive nature, which a stranger named Hyde enjoys exploiting all to much. All he needs to do is convince Wilson he's dying of some rare type of cancer and ask Wilson for one dying wish. In this case, Hyde just really, really wants the bastard who tasered him in the genitalia and caused the debilitating crotch cancer to pay: a man by the name of Ianto Jones. Wilson, with the wrath of a god chases Ianto down and is somehow duped into trying to kill Jack Harkness instead, who laughs, and takes Ianto and Wilson to bed with him. Owen watches and takes pictures to put on the interwebs. Dr. Jackman locks Hyde in the chair for a week after that stunt.
Ianto and Barbossa will begin by being upset by the elevator's malfunction, which will slowly and subtley evolve into a contest to see which person will get tired and sit down first: Ianto who won't realize there's a contest on, or Barbossa who is too proud to brag. He will cheat, by alluding to sore feet, how it must be difficult to be on one's feet all day, and wouldn't Ianto rather sit down for awhile. Ianto will mention how Jack would often prefer him on his back with one of those new-found smirks of his. Barbossa will groan, reminded of his own Jack and remark about how all Jack's are evil, and depraved men, which prompts Ianto to quip that, "Perhaps not evil, but they certainly have definite ideas about what they want." Barbossa agrees, declaring, "Captain Jack was better off rotting in Davy Jones' Locker," and Ianto will ask how Barbossa met the Captain. A long and strange conversation later, it is decided that obviously, Captain Jack Harkness and Captain Jack Sparrow are obviously the same man, and that it is a good thing that he managed to get rid of the syphilis before he took the name of Harkness.
Angel will refuse until he is forced into the line up of bachelors, still in his uniform, while some tarty Bachelorette flirts with the blokes. This causes Nicholas to grow impatient, and arrest the Bachelorette for a public display of affection and assaulting a police officer (with a kiss). He will lose. Miserably.
Baldrick, hands down, is Fear Factor, and he will win. What people don't know, is that he is actually quite an able gymnast and will win not by eating 20 cockroaches, but by being able to cross a tightrope 11 stories in the air in only 53.2 seconds.
Noah Bennet, is firmly against the idea of Who Wants to Be a Superhero is becoming more and more appealing to him because he is completely jealous of his daughter and Claude and the people he's coming in contact with. He wants nothing more than to be just as cool and super as they are, but he obviously can't be because he doesn't have powers. Finally, Clair convinces him that it was would good for him and that they could always change their name afterwards and move. Against his better judgment (and probably thanks to the Haitian), he does enter as Office Block Persecutor--with his horn-rimmed glasses of justice, he is able to burn reports to cinders and his pocket protector of righteousness holds the pens necessary to stop shipping jobs overseas. He is the third one kicked off because he failed to see the cat in the tree on his way to save the old lady who was about to be run over by a Mack truck.
The Master would go on Win Ben Stein's money. He would lose, because he didn't know that it was the Dixie Chicks who were criticised for bad mouthing President Bush.
Gene and Bobby will devise a clever way of deciding who will go into the jungle and investigate--Gene with his pistol, or Bobby with his holy water. Gene feels obligated to protect Bobby, being a civilian, and he's actually convinced that the noises are some kind of sounds from civilisation. After a quick and dirty game of naughts and crosses that he loses, Gene darts into the jungle anyway, causing Bobby to facepalm and mutter something along the lines of "You idgit."
Bobby will walk about 50 metres into the jungle and find Gene, strung up by his pasty ankle while a group of pygmies dance below. It turns out that the pygmies were hunting for spirits that've been haunting them for the past week (Bobby can definitely speak pygmy.) and Gene's pale enough to fit the bill, much to his chagrin. Bobby convinces the pygmies that Gene's not the one causing trouble and that he can have a proper trap for ghosts set up right quick. The following night, Bobby's caught one hell of a demon that he exorcises without trouble. Gene is upset because he was almost pygmy chow, ghosts aren't real, and he secretly really misses Sam Gladys back home. Bobby's awesomeness prompts the pygmies to tell Bobby how to build an awesome boat that they can use to get to another, more populated island. Bobby and Gene paddle to Truk, in the Micronesian Crescent, and catch a plane back to the US (and eventually, England, for Gene). Sam greets him upon arrival and alternately beats the shit out of him and kisses him quare on the lips.
Whoa those prompts were hard core.
In other news, anybody read this? Poor Hamster. This quote naturally jumped out at me, but when you think about what happened to him, how scary must that show've been?
“It’s been a bloody long journey and it’s still going. It’s when I consider how far I’ve come since I was in hospital that I realise there was a lot more to fix than I thought. The swelling has gone down, my brain is as mended as it’s likely to be. Now it seems to be more a case of rewiring itself. That’s assuming I’m sitting here talking to you and I’m not about to wake up in hospital, in some sort of Life on Mars moment . . . Now that was a difficult TV series to watch.”