Las Vegas Strip: The End
This is the end, the only end, my friend. I have today visited the the Stratosphere, which is widely regarded as the end of 'the Strip'. From here north, the strip splits into Las Vegas Blvd and Main St, the Blvd winds into downtown, and mostly the street is covered with marriage chapels, pawn shops and *really* dodgy bars. And then eventually you come to Fremont St, which is actually pretty awesome.
Today was apparently also 'no one can park correctly' day - it took me ages to find a space, and at one point, parking in Circus, Circus, so I could walk to the weird SLS casino, I tried to turn into a space without noticing the car next to me was too close, and as I was pulling back out, a middle-aged man wandered past and decided to help me by offering me directions whilst standing right behind my car. Let me say again: he was helping me back out by standing right behind my car. At one point, he even swung my side mirror back, so I couldn't see it, apparently because he was worried I was going to hit it. So I had to sit in my car, waving at him, trying to explain that I knew what I was doing, so that he would move, and I could back out. Seriously, fuckin' dumbasses.
Anyhoo . . .
First up I tried to visit the very strange SLS casino, which also marks my first failure.
It's a strange place - it's just one little box of a building, and although the sign says 'guest parking', as far as I can tell, it doesn't actually allow visitors. Or actually, it had a really scary looking security guard standing at the only door, and I didn't risk it, because frankly, it's not like I'm getting paid for this shit.
So instead, enjoy this picture of its exterior.
So that's one Vegas strip casino I haven't been in. But I'm still honestly not sure I could have gone in.
Across the street is the Sahara, which I was amazed to discover, despite the street being called Sahara, the casino itself is closed.
It was suggested to me by Emily that I should break in and take pictures, but again, I'm not getting paid for this shit.
North of Sahara, you come to Aztec Casino and Hotel.
Aztec appears to be a 'hotel' in the very Vegas sense, meaning a place you can stay for an extended period of time, which doesn't require all of those pesky background and credit checks, but where you will, most likely, die of an infection you picked up from the blankets. The most famous here in town is the Siegel Suites, where my former Regional Field Director was forced to stay for his first few weeks in Vegas, a story we still tell with some amazement, as in, 'holy crap, he's stayed in one of those and he's still alive?!'
Look at that glory! You so definitely maybe possibly won't die from staying there!
The Aztec does feature a casino, in that it has a room with some slot machines, a billiards table, a big-screen TV and a bar manned by a girl in a low-cut shirt - I did walk through it, but I can't prove this because I didn't take a picture, because I was actually *that* uncomfortable being in there that I couldn't bring myself to stay there long enough to take a picture. Seriously, that place is *that* creepy.
Finally, we come to the glorious marker of the strip, the Stratosphere, otherwise known as 'the Seattle Needle, but in Vegas'.
The Stratosphere's claim to fame is, unsurprisingly, that you can go up inside of it, and be really high up in the air. As someone with vertigo, I would consider this hell, but thankfully, I wasn't faced with the personal dilemma of whether I should have to face my fear of heights in order to complete this project, because just going up into the stratosphere-bit of the Stratosphere costs money, so I wasn't doing it.
So instead I was stuck with the ground-floor bits of the Stratosphere, which is mostly just the casino.
The casino is blue-themed, thus presumably making it the husband to the Flamingo. (Actually, the lights change colors, it just happened to be blue when I came in.)
'Daddy, daddy, can I ride the pink elephant?'
'What, you can see it, too?!'
Just to one-up the rest of the strip, instead of having the legally-required Asian restaurant, the Stratosphere features it's own Chinatown, complete with a whole string of cheap-but-not-noticeably-Asian stores.
And then we round a corner, and we're back in the Paris! Except actually not as cool as the Paris.
The Stratosphere's Arc de Triomphe doesn't have Gordon Ramsey's ugly mug on it, and yet somehow, it's still lamer than the one at Paris.
Seriously, whether or not you enjoy gambling, we have to all agree that this is a bad idea. Think of your cleaning staff, if nothing else!
That's an incredibly creative name for a lounge. After that you can attend the bar 'bar' and then go to the club 'meet someone that won't look a fraction as hot tomorrow morning'.
'But honey, you're the one that's all into vampires!' (Honestly, I don't know why they bother to have themes for strip shows. Does it really *need* a theme? Isn't the theme just 'tits - you'll get to see a lot of them, do nothing with them and leave really frustrated'?)
I thought for a second that the Stratosphere was really graysexual-friendly, but it turns out it's just their awards program.
I think unless the bar is actually high enough to give you altitude sickness, that can't possibly be true.
Although I didn't go on any of them, here are the adverts for the Stratosphere's carnival rides, which take place at the top of the stratosphere. Thus, the Strat has managed to reproduce with great care my personal hell, and seem to want me to pay 30 bucks for the experience.
So that's it for the strip. I think I do want to go to the aquarium at Mandalay Bay, and there has also been a vote for me going to the Palms and the Rio, which I'm okay with as the Palms is also where I normally go to the movies. I still want to go take pictures of some of the locals' casinos - I'm planning on hitting up Sam's Town and Arizona Charlie's, as being two of the most popular, and also because one of them apparently has something to do with Arizona.
I can't deny that I'm getting pretty bored of this project, though. The problem is that however cool the exterior of the casino, the insides are almost all identical. But since I have another week in Vegas, I suppose I might as well try to finish out the set!
Today was apparently also 'no one can park correctly' day - it took me ages to find a space, and at one point, parking in Circus, Circus, so I could walk to the weird SLS casino, I tried to turn into a space without noticing the car next to me was too close, and as I was pulling back out, a middle-aged man wandered past and decided to help me by offering me directions whilst standing right behind my car. Let me say again: he was helping me back out by standing right behind my car. At one point, he even swung my side mirror back, so I couldn't see it, apparently because he was worried I was going to hit it. So I had to sit in my car, waving at him, trying to explain that I knew what I was doing, so that he would move, and I could back out. Seriously, fuckin' dumbasses.
Anyhoo . . .
First up I tried to visit the very strange SLS casino, which also marks my first failure.
It's a strange place - it's just one little box of a building, and although the sign says 'guest parking', as far as I can tell, it doesn't actually allow visitors. Or actually, it had a really scary looking security guard standing at the only door, and I didn't risk it, because frankly, it's not like I'm getting paid for this shit.
So instead, enjoy this picture of its exterior.
So that's one Vegas strip casino I haven't been in. But I'm still honestly not sure I could have gone in.
Across the street is the Sahara, which I was amazed to discover, despite the street being called Sahara, the casino itself is closed.
It was suggested to me by Emily that I should break in and take pictures, but again, I'm not getting paid for this shit.
North of Sahara, you come to Aztec Casino and Hotel.
Aztec appears to be a 'hotel' in the very Vegas sense, meaning a place you can stay for an extended period of time, which doesn't require all of those pesky background and credit checks, but where you will, most likely, die of an infection you picked up from the blankets. The most famous here in town is the Siegel Suites, where my former Regional Field Director was forced to stay for his first few weeks in Vegas, a story we still tell with some amazement, as in, 'holy crap, he's stayed in one of those and he's still alive?!'
Look at that glory! You so definitely maybe possibly won't die from staying there!
The Aztec does feature a casino, in that it has a room with some slot machines, a billiards table, a big-screen TV and a bar manned by a girl in a low-cut shirt - I did walk through it, but I can't prove this because I didn't take a picture, because I was actually *that* uncomfortable being in there that I couldn't bring myself to stay there long enough to take a picture. Seriously, that place is *that* creepy.
Finally, we come to the glorious marker of the strip, the Stratosphere, otherwise known as 'the Seattle Needle, but in Vegas'.
The Stratosphere's claim to fame is, unsurprisingly, that you can go up inside of it, and be really high up in the air. As someone with vertigo, I would consider this hell, but thankfully, I wasn't faced with the personal dilemma of whether I should have to face my fear of heights in order to complete this project, because just going up into the stratosphere-bit of the Stratosphere costs money, so I wasn't doing it.
So instead I was stuck with the ground-floor bits of the Stratosphere, which is mostly just the casino.
The casino is blue-themed, thus presumably making it the husband to the Flamingo. (Actually, the lights change colors, it just happened to be blue when I came in.)
'Daddy, daddy, can I ride the pink elephant?'
'What, you can see it, too?!'
Just to one-up the rest of the strip, instead of having the legally-required Asian restaurant, the Stratosphere features it's own Chinatown, complete with a whole string of cheap-but-not-noticeably-Asian stores.
And then we round a corner, and we're back in the Paris! Except actually not as cool as the Paris.
The Stratosphere's Arc de Triomphe doesn't have Gordon Ramsey's ugly mug on it, and yet somehow, it's still lamer than the one at Paris.
Seriously, whether or not you enjoy gambling, we have to all agree that this is a bad idea. Think of your cleaning staff, if nothing else!
That's an incredibly creative name for a lounge. After that you can attend the bar 'bar' and then go to the club 'meet someone that won't look a fraction as hot tomorrow morning'.
'But honey, you're the one that's all into vampires!' (Honestly, I don't know why they bother to have themes for strip shows. Does it really *need* a theme? Isn't the theme just 'tits - you'll get to see a lot of them, do nothing with them and leave really frustrated'?)
I thought for a second that the Stratosphere was really graysexual-friendly, but it turns out it's just their awards program.
I think unless the bar is actually high enough to give you altitude sickness, that can't possibly be true.
Although I didn't go on any of them, here are the adverts for the Stratosphere's carnival rides, which take place at the top of the stratosphere. Thus, the Strat has managed to reproduce with great care my personal hell, and seem to want me to pay 30 bucks for the experience.
So that's it for the strip. I think I do want to go to the aquarium at Mandalay Bay, and there has also been a vote for me going to the Palms and the Rio, which I'm okay with as the Palms is also where I normally go to the movies. I still want to go take pictures of some of the locals' casinos - I'm planning on hitting up Sam's Town and Arizona Charlie's, as being two of the most popular, and also because one of them apparently has something to do with Arizona.
I can't deny that I'm getting pretty bored of this project, though. The problem is that however cool the exterior of the casino, the insides are almost all identical. But since I have another week in Vegas, I suppose I might as well try to finish out the set!