Las Vegas Strip: Day Six
And I'm back! Okay, actually I've been here the whole time, I've just been elsewhere, in a magical land that is in the desert, but that isn't full of casinos, which the natives call 'Phoenix', presumably because they had an epic sense of irony.
I'm back in Vegas now, though, for my last week in town. I was thinking I needed to really push myself to finish this little project, but actually, after today, by my count, I have four casinos left, which I can probably hit in a day. So I'm thinking I may also hit up some of the locals' casinos - I've learned in my time here that 'real' Vegans don't go to the strip, but they do still go to casinos, they just go to other, more different ones. Ones that aren't on the strip, but which are equally terrifying, at least from the one I've been to. So I may hit up a couple of those, as I imagine they will give ample snarking opportunity.
In the meantime, though, today I visited the fabulous north of the strip, otherwise known as the Riviera and Circus Circus!
The north end of the strip also doubles as a total craphole.
The Riviera is, well, very suited to its environment.
The Riviera! It's . . . fairly tall?
The Riviera speaks to a simpler time, when people were much easier to impress.
Am I the only one who read that as 'lesbian lounge'? Cuz now I'm really freakin' disappointed.
Cool! A pub!
Okay, that's less British than I was expecting . . .
Weird, I had always heard Versailles described as more impressive than that.
Okay, that looks more British-ey. And they were showing the footie, but it was the European league, so who gives a fuck.
I believe the race bar in the Riviera is based on the famed Des Moines' greyhound waiting area.
If you want kids to follow this, you're phrasing this all wrong. You should put up signs that say 'the floor is made of lava and you're a shark.'
The bar at the Riviera, it's like a never-ending party. A party that no one wants to attend, but hey.
MY GOD NOW I KNOW WHY I WAS BORN!
Unfortunately, it was not the amazing testament to pinball wizardry that I was hoping it would be, but instead just a lot of pinball machines. Which is still pretty cool.
Thank god we came to Vegas to play the pinball version of poker.
Okay, I genuinely don't know if I like this or not. (And for the record, I did check, and there wasn't a Beatles one, so apparently the Riviera is pro-Stones.)
I'm intrigued that this love tester has separate testers for male and female. I wonder if they require your biological sex, or your identified gender? Also, I appreciate that it has a picture of a circuit on it, because how else would I know that it's science!
The Riviera, being old, does have some cool memorabilia.
Also, being old, the Riviera also has some fabulous 'I don't know what that is' decor.
Up next, Circus Circus - where joy and whimsy come to die.
WARNING: If you have coulrophobia, this post may be a bit hard on you. Actually, even if you don't, it may be - pretty much everything in Circus, Circus looks like it intends to eat your soul.
They're building something on the opposite corner - I don't know what it's going to be in the end, but I think we can all agree that it will at least be shiny.
And the security wall around it has an impressive number of footprints on it.
Get it? Cuz slots are fun! . . . I mean, I guess so . . . I mean, there must be some reason people play them . . .
Normally, I'm all in favor of anything that limits my human contact, but that's just creepy.
That is, indeed, a beer pong table. Because nothing says class like beer pong.
Okay, I think part of my problem with Circus Circus is that I really never thought circuses were fun.
Although adding booze is definitely a step in the right direction.
Do you worry that when you leave Vegas, you'll miss the never-ending flashing lights? We've got you covered!
THE steakhouse! Or, at least, the only one in the immediate vicinity.
What sort of odds are you giving on the restrooms?
Circus Circus was packed, unlike the Riviera, which was dead inside. Circus Circus was only dead inside in the figurative sense.
I was hoping the Adventuredome was where unlucky visitors were forced to battle each other to the death for our entertainment.
Instead, it's just an amusement park.
Because it contains a rollercoaster, the Adventuredome also echoes with the sweet sounds of children's screams.
It also features very miniature golf. (Seriously, that's all of it.)
Okay, not quite a waterfall, but the closest I found. (As far as I can tell, the Riviera doesn't have one at all, so I'm surprised it hasn't been shut down.)
Remember, kids, exit through the deer head.
That's right, folks, we isolated another dimension just for you!
Automatic cotton candy machine. I almost wanted to spend money on it to see how it works. (Also 'served warm, dry and non-sticky'? Really?)
That's great, guys. It's really not impressive to juggle one ball each. That's really just playing catch.
Circus, Circus also features the midway, which is different from the Adventuredome because it's not under a dome. Otherwise, it's largely the same.
But, the only good thing about Circus, Circus, it does feature real circus performances, and it's free to watch, so that's one more cool, free thing to do in Vegas.
So that's it for today - sorry, this isn't a terribly great post, but I think I'm getting a migraine. If I'm feeling better, I'll hit up the remaining casinos tomorrow, and then I'll be up to the ridiculous locals' casinos. Hurray!
I'm back in Vegas now, though, for my last week in town. I was thinking I needed to really push myself to finish this little project, but actually, after today, by my count, I have four casinos left, which I can probably hit in a day. So I'm thinking I may also hit up some of the locals' casinos - I've learned in my time here that 'real' Vegans don't go to the strip, but they do still go to casinos, they just go to other, more different ones. Ones that aren't on the strip, but which are equally terrifying, at least from the one I've been to. So I may hit up a couple of those, as I imagine they will give ample snarking opportunity.
In the meantime, though, today I visited the fabulous north of the strip, otherwise known as the Riviera and Circus Circus!
The north end of the strip also doubles as a total craphole.
The Riviera is, well, very suited to its environment.
The Riviera! It's . . . fairly tall?
The Riviera speaks to a simpler time, when people were much easier to impress.
Am I the only one who read that as 'lesbian lounge'? Cuz now I'm really freakin' disappointed.
Cool! A pub!
Okay, that's less British than I was expecting . . .
Weird, I had always heard Versailles described as more impressive than that.
Okay, that looks more British-ey. And they were showing the footie, but it was the European league, so who gives a fuck.
I believe the race bar in the Riviera is based on the famed Des Moines' greyhound waiting area.
If you want kids to follow this, you're phrasing this all wrong. You should put up signs that say 'the floor is made of lava and you're a shark.'
The bar at the Riviera, it's like a never-ending party. A party that no one wants to attend, but hey.
MY GOD NOW I KNOW WHY I WAS BORN!
Unfortunately, it was not the amazing testament to pinball wizardry that I was hoping it would be, but instead just a lot of pinball machines. Which is still pretty cool.
Thank god we came to Vegas to play the pinball version of poker.
Okay, I genuinely don't know if I like this or not. (And for the record, I did check, and there wasn't a Beatles one, so apparently the Riviera is pro-Stones.)
I'm intrigued that this love tester has separate testers for male and female. I wonder if they require your biological sex, or your identified gender? Also, I appreciate that it has a picture of a circuit on it, because how else would I know that it's science!
The Riviera, being old, does have some cool memorabilia.
Also, being old, the Riviera also has some fabulous 'I don't know what that is' decor.
Up next, Circus Circus - where joy and whimsy come to die.
WARNING: If you have coulrophobia, this post may be a bit hard on you. Actually, even if you don't, it may be - pretty much everything in Circus, Circus looks like it intends to eat your soul.
They're building something on the opposite corner - I don't know what it's going to be in the end, but I think we can all agree that it will at least be shiny.
And the security wall around it has an impressive number of footprints on it.
Get it? Cuz slots are fun! . . . I mean, I guess so . . . I mean, there must be some reason people play them . . .
Normally, I'm all in favor of anything that limits my human contact, but that's just creepy.
That is, indeed, a beer pong table. Because nothing says class like beer pong.
Okay, I think part of my problem with Circus Circus is that I really never thought circuses were fun.
Although adding booze is definitely a step in the right direction.
Do you worry that when you leave Vegas, you'll miss the never-ending flashing lights? We've got you covered!
THE steakhouse! Or, at least, the only one in the immediate vicinity.
What sort of odds are you giving on the restrooms?
Circus Circus was packed, unlike the Riviera, which was dead inside. Circus Circus was only dead inside in the figurative sense.
I was hoping the Adventuredome was where unlucky visitors were forced to battle each other to the death for our entertainment.
Instead, it's just an amusement park.
Because it contains a rollercoaster, the Adventuredome also echoes with the sweet sounds of children's screams.
It also features very miniature golf. (Seriously, that's all of it.)
Okay, not quite a waterfall, but the closest I found. (As far as I can tell, the Riviera doesn't have one at all, so I'm surprised it hasn't been shut down.)
Remember, kids, exit through the deer head.
That's right, folks, we isolated another dimension just for you!
Automatic cotton candy machine. I almost wanted to spend money on it to see how it works. (Also 'served warm, dry and non-sticky'? Really?)
That's great, guys. It's really not impressive to juggle one ball each. That's really just playing catch.
Circus, Circus also features the midway, which is different from the Adventuredome because it's not under a dome. Otherwise, it's largely the same.
But, the only good thing about Circus, Circus, it does feature real circus performances, and it's free to watch, so that's one more cool, free thing to do in Vegas.
So that's it for today - sorry, this isn't a terribly great post, but I think I'm getting a migraine. If I'm feeling better, I'll hit up the remaining casinos tomorrow, and then I'll be up to the ridiculous locals' casinos. Hurray!