(no subject)
Been a while, but thank you Steph, your post motivated me to write down some random thoughts.
First time in a while that I'm up late by myself drinking one too many nightcaps, and first time ever that I've done so and not been pissed off at something or other. This is cool because I had a rough week feelings-wise. Some weird conversations with the gf that made me feel uneasy with myself, and also some disappointing/frustrating events with the band.
We had our "Last Show At Yale" yesterday night, cause the lead singer is graduating Yale and so we scraped together a last-minute show in the basement of DKE (George Bush's frat, the more you know). Fuck, we were awful, not having played together for like 4-5 months. Wrong notes everywhere, we were missing teh trumpet player, horrible acoustics, we were mostly drunk, etc. Go figure, somebody came up to me and was like "Stephen, one of the best sets I've heard from you guys." Uhhh... thanks!
If you flip back in my entries to 2 summers ago, you'll see me complaining about how it's hard to find musicians who are willing to put in the effort to really work on music at the same intensity level I desire. After having completed a year at Berklee where I hung out with some pretty intense and incredibly talented jazz players, this feeling has compounded a little bit. Yes, I'm spoiled by the experience of being able to play with exceptional musicians in a non-financially-terse setting. But that doesn't change the fact that I pine to play music - any music, not just jazz - with some people who can really intuit my musical sensibilities and understand ME through music. I feel like that's not happening, at least not at the level I want it to. I think it's imperative that I seek out some jazz cats next year in New York with whom I can play, or else I will perhaps go insane. I love playing rock music, but you feel cooped up sometimes when the creative process is a torturous group-improvisatory debacle with the weakest player as the lowest common denominator. Fuck that sounds really mean. Sorry, I'm a little drunk. All I'm saying is, it's hard to assert my musical voice when my bandmates don't show the motivation to go the extra mile and hear it.
Then again, we literally saw each other for the first time in 4 months so it will get better I'm sure. I am living together with 3 of the guys next year in Brooklyn, and when I'm not working to put food on my plate, I will be working to raise the level of musicianship in the band to new heights, so that we can be creative in an efficient manner.
When I referred earlier to being pissed off when I was up late, here's something. Recently I have been racked by an increasing sense of... angst I guess is the best way to put it. I don't think I experienced it much in high school and perhaps it is coming home to roost. Simply put, I am incensed about more and more aspects of this country's political atmosphere, and also the general attitude of people all the time. Sometimes I get in these moods where the single solitary thought going through my head is, "Fuck you." Dunno what to do about that, usually even thinking about it gets me pretty angry, and at nobody in particular. I guess I just feel like a lot of people (probably including myself) need to be told, "fuck you" and perhaps punched in the face.
Uhh... so there you have it, me talking about 2 things that are getting me down, in a post that was purportedly supposed to be about how I'm not in a bad mood. Well, whatever. I am pretty good right now and I'm putting together a music resume, which is a generally positive task. Perhaps I will update again soon. Till thennn... eyd.
First time in a while that I'm up late by myself drinking one too many nightcaps, and first time ever that I've done so and not been pissed off at something or other. This is cool because I had a rough week feelings-wise. Some weird conversations with the gf that made me feel uneasy with myself, and also some disappointing/frustrating events with the band.
We had our "Last Show At Yale" yesterday night, cause the lead singer is graduating Yale and so we scraped together a last-minute show in the basement of DKE (George Bush's frat, the more you know). Fuck, we were awful, not having played together for like 4-5 months. Wrong notes everywhere, we were missing teh trumpet player, horrible acoustics, we were mostly drunk, etc. Go figure, somebody came up to me and was like "Stephen, one of the best sets I've heard from you guys." Uhhh... thanks!
If you flip back in my entries to 2 summers ago, you'll see me complaining about how it's hard to find musicians who are willing to put in the effort to really work on music at the same intensity level I desire. After having completed a year at Berklee where I hung out with some pretty intense and incredibly talented jazz players, this feeling has compounded a little bit. Yes, I'm spoiled by the experience of being able to play with exceptional musicians in a non-financially-terse setting. But that doesn't change the fact that I pine to play music - any music, not just jazz - with some people who can really intuit my musical sensibilities and understand ME through music. I feel like that's not happening, at least not at the level I want it to. I think it's imperative that I seek out some jazz cats next year in New York with whom I can play, or else I will perhaps go insane. I love playing rock music, but you feel cooped up sometimes when the creative process is a torturous group-improvisatory debacle with the weakest player as the lowest common denominator. Fuck that sounds really mean. Sorry, I'm a little drunk. All I'm saying is, it's hard to assert my musical voice when my bandmates don't show the motivation to go the extra mile and hear it.
Then again, we literally saw each other for the first time in 4 months so it will get better I'm sure. I am living together with 3 of the guys next year in Brooklyn, and when I'm not working to put food on my plate, I will be working to raise the level of musicianship in the band to new heights, so that we can be creative in an efficient manner.
When I referred earlier to being pissed off when I was up late, here's something. Recently I have been racked by an increasing sense of... angst I guess is the best way to put it. I don't think I experienced it much in high school and perhaps it is coming home to roost. Simply put, I am incensed about more and more aspects of this country's political atmosphere, and also the general attitude of people all the time. Sometimes I get in these moods where the single solitary thought going through my head is, "Fuck you." Dunno what to do about that, usually even thinking about it gets me pretty angry, and at nobody in particular. I guess I just feel like a lot of people (probably including myself) need to be told, "fuck you" and perhaps punched in the face.
Uhh... so there you have it, me talking about 2 things that are getting me down, in a post that was purportedly supposed to be about how I'm not in a bad mood. Well, whatever. I am pretty good right now and I'm putting together a music resume, which is a generally positive task. Perhaps I will update again soon. Till thennn... eyd.