(no subject)
I'm getting that feeling again. The one that you get when you forgot to do something really important, but you can't remember what that thing is. Its just a sinking feeling that won't go away until you've gone step by step through everything you did the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that. And its so uncomfortable that you feel like you're going to be physically ill. It hurts in the tightness of your throat and the heavy weight in your stomach. You might wonder if you're getting sick, and for some people, all the stress actually does make you sick.
But I don't get sick. And I think everything through a million times. And I work harder and am more responsible than I've ever been in my life.
So why do I feel this way?
I'm as sure as I can be that I'm making the right decisions in my life. Somehow it doesn't matter. I still feel when I look at other people like I should have something that they have. That I should be where they are but in my own life.
I work really hard, and I try even harder to do everything it is that I need to do. I don't ever want to let anyone down, but I recognize that I need to do things for myself. I realize that not everyone wants to hear about my problems, but I have people that I can count on to vent to when things get to be more than I can handle. I take other people's advice, but I don't let people tell me what to do, because only I can know what's right for me. With everything that I do in my life I try to have a balance that should help me be a better, happier person.
...it just doesn't make a difference. I'm more miserable than ever and I can honestly say that I can't think of anything about me that feels like a success.
But I don't get sick. And I think everything through a million times. And I work harder and am more responsible than I've ever been in my life.
So why do I feel this way?
I'm as sure as I can be that I'm making the right decisions in my life. Somehow it doesn't matter. I still feel when I look at other people like I should have something that they have. That I should be where they are but in my own life.
I work really hard, and I try even harder to do everything it is that I need to do. I don't ever want to let anyone down, but I recognize that I need to do things for myself. I realize that not everyone wants to hear about my problems, but I have people that I can count on to vent to when things get to be more than I can handle. I take other people's advice, but I don't let people tell me what to do, because only I can know what's right for me. With everything that I do in my life I try to have a balance that should help me be a better, happier person.
...it just doesn't make a difference. I'm more miserable than ever and I can honestly say that I can't think of anything about me that feels like a success.