Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you find a safe space here that you can't find with your family.
One of my very best friends is a lesbian and she's only ever had one sexual encounter. But she knows what she's attracted to, she knows what she likes, what she fantasizes about. I don't think it has anything to do with who you've had sex with or who you're planning on having sex with or anything of that sort. For example my aunt is completely hetero but she hasn't had sex in years. This doesn't make her asexual, it's just that she isn't getting it on with anyone. You know what you like. Ho harm, no shame, no foul. Don't second guess yourself. Some people shy away from labels. They feel constricted and constrained. Other people do well if they can sort things in to neatly labeled boxes, including themselves and their feelings. Do what makes you feel best. You always know what's best for yourself, so embrace it.
And please, you will have so many more sexual encounters in your life. It's important right now (while you're not out knocking boots) to decide what you like and what you want. That way when you get back in the saddle (yeehaw!) you know that you're out there looking for what you want not what you think you should want.
Look someone out there will always hate you for what you do or write. No matter what it is. Write ff slash? Homophobes will hate you. Write het stories? Militant gays will hate you. It's cool. Anyone who cares knows that those people represent a crazy small faction of whatever group we're talking about so I doubt anyone will lump you in with them. And anyone who does? Doesn't need to be a part of your life anyway. As a straight LGBT ally I walk through life every day knowing that I'm hated by militant gays because I'm straight and militant homophobes because I'm an ally. So whatevs. Fuck em.
I think this space is the safest one for me. Absolutely. Which is why I felt this was the pace to first come out.
This is all good advice. Definitely.
I find it hard right now to imagine that there will be more sexual encounters, but that's part of what I have to work towards I guess. That self confidence.
I've always written for me, that's not going to change, but I've never really had a backlash like that before. It was weird. And confronting. And badly timed.
One of my very best friends is a lesbian and she's only ever had one sexual encounter. But she knows what she's attracted to, she knows what she likes, what she fantasizes about. I don't think it has anything to do with who you've had sex with or who you're planning on having sex with or anything of that sort. For example my aunt is completely hetero but she hasn't had sex in years. This doesn't make her asexual, it's just that she isn't getting it on with anyone. You know what you like. Ho harm, no shame, no foul. Don't second guess yourself. Some people shy away from labels. They feel constricted and constrained. Other people do well if they can sort things in to neatly labeled boxes, including themselves and their feelings. Do what makes you feel best. You always know what's best for yourself, so embrace it.
And please, you will have so many more sexual encounters in your life. It's important right now (while you're not out knocking boots) to decide what you like and what you want. That way when you get back in the saddle (yeehaw!) you know that you're out there looking for what you want not what you think you should want.
Look someone out there will always hate you for what you do or write. No matter what it is. Write ff slash? Homophobes will hate you. Write het stories? Militant gays will hate you. It's cool. Anyone who cares knows that those people represent a crazy small faction of whatever group we're talking about so I doubt anyone will lump you in with them. And anyone who does? Doesn't need to be a part of your life anyway. As a straight LGBT ally I walk through life every day knowing that I'm hated by militant gays because I'm straight and militant homophobes because I'm an ally. So whatevs. Fuck em.
Reply
This is all good advice. Definitely.
I find it hard right now to imagine that there will be more sexual encounters, but that's part of what I have to work towards I guess. That self confidence.
I've always written for me, that's not going to change, but I've never really had a backlash like that before. It was weird. And confronting. And badly timed.
Thank you so much for your support.
Reply
Leave a comment