Two Hearts and Cigarette Smoke: Heart Aches, Heart Breaks
Two Hearts and Cigarette Smoke
Pairings: Charlie “Nuwanda” Dalton / Knox Overstreet, Chris Noel / Knox Overstreet (unrequited), Neil Perry / Todd Anderson (mentioned) (Dead Poets Society)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: After Charlie tells Knox to get over Chris, a chain of events begins and the truth is revealed.
Warning: This contains SLASH! Also, this contains Charlie’s jealous loathing for Chris, which means curses.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Dead Poets Society (isn’t that depressing?) because if I did, Todd would never have to live a day without Neil by his side and Cameron would’ve gotten spanked. HARD. (Cameron: “Oh… Spank me ten more times Headmaster… I haven’t learned not to fink on people yet…” XD) Also, I don’t own the amazing words of Henry David Thoreau or the Scissor Sisters and their songs.
Author’s Notes: My first Dead Poets Society slash fiction! I never thought I’d be writing a Charlie / Knox story (which means don’t hate me if they’re a bit out of character!) until I read one that I fell in love with called "Cold Outside". I’m planning on writing a Neil / Todd one extremely soon. (Those two are sooo cute together!) Anyways, it always bothered me that Knox couldn’t tell that Charlie was obviously jealous of Chris stealing away all the attention away from him, so I decided to write one myself! The first part (Sometimes They’re The Same Person) is written in Knox’s point of view, and the second (Heart Aches, Heart Breaks) and third (How About A Drag?) are told in Charlie’s. I hope you like this!
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For Joho, who finally finished watching Dead Poets Society with me and held it together enough not to weep over Neil’s death (though I ended up crying, as always); And for Mrs. G., who showed the inspirational movie in our English class last year so that Joho could see Robert Sean Leonard in all his youthful glory.
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Two Hearts and Cigarette Smoke
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Heart Aches, Heart Breaks
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“And I just might say it tonight
I just might say it tonight
I just might tell you tonight
That I love you
And you should stay all my life”
- “Might Tell You Tonight” (Scissor Sisters)
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I was debating on going down to dinner to eat something, but I knew that Knox would be there with those questioning eyes of his. That’s just the way he is. Anyway, I wasn’t that hungry after all and I just wanted to be left alone for a while, so I headed off to the old Indian Cave to think about everything.
A soft covering of snow left some grass poking out from underneath it, marking each step I took with a memento. Once I got into the depths of the dark cave, I paced about and thought about Knox and Chris, though honestly, I didn’t want to.
Fucking Chris… What a bitch… She’s hurting him so badly. That fucking bitch… She has been leading him on while she’s dating that idiot Danburry… And Overstreet’s a mess because of her. He’s head-over-heels in love with her and he doesn’t realize he’s gonna get hurt so badly… I keep telling him over and over that she’s not gonna leave the good life for such a sweet kid like him. But does he ever listen? No. He always just looks at me and says, “Charlie, I love her,” and he smiles that smile, and I know I can’t stand to break his little heart…
Pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a box of matches, I lit one up and stuck it in my mouth, the smoke almost as familiar to me as Knox’s eyes, a rich and lusty caramel that made me swoon from the day Neil introduced us… What am I talking about? K…Knox doesn’t have lusty eyes…
I looked over at the cave idol, remembering the day Neil first told me he got the part in the play. Later that same day, he came to me and told me that Todd said he loved him. He looked so happy and had tears of joy in the corners of his eyes, hugging me tight. That must be what Knox feels about Chris…
…And the way I feel about Knox? What am I talking about? He loves Chris… He loves her so much… Fuck… I do not like Knox…
Some nights, I lay awake in my bed, listening to Cameron’s snoring in the bed closer to the door and Todd moaning Neil’s name in the room across from ours, hearing him pant loudly. I smiled at the thought of my friend being tops! He always seemed more of a bottom to me… I wouldn’t be able to sleep on those nights, touching myself and having a smoke, staying quiet enough not to wake Cameron or he’d fink on me for both actions. When I ended up coming, I was usually thinking about…Knox? God… I don’t like Knox! I like…boobs…and pin-up girls and stealing sips of whisky when my father’s not looking…all those manly things. But definitely not Knox. Knox is a man, all long limbs and soft skin and silky hair…probably a great fuck, too… Oh, shut up!
I tried to get Knox off my mind. It wasn’t working. Goddamn it Knox, you need to give up on Chris… She’s no good for you… Not like I’m that great for you either…
I took a drag of my cigarette, warmth entering my lungs. Right now, the smoke is the only thing that embraces me with open arms and fills me with unspoken desires… Heh… I’m writing poetry in my mind again… God, do I love this cave or what… Sliding to the floor, I leaned my head back against the wall and sighed.
Goddamn it Charlie, you’re not some…queer. I just don’t want to see Knoxious get hurt again. When things don’t work out with little miss Chris the fucking priss, I know it’s gonna be me who’ll have to pick up the fucking pieces… He’ll be a wreck, I can tell just by the look on his face whenever he talks about her… I wish he’d look at me like that… Fuck…
I smacked my forehead at the thought and ended up touching my skin with the still-burning cigarette I held in my hand, the sharp intake of breath making a hissing noise. “Fuck!” Once the pain subsided, I realized that it was snowing outside again and I was…hard?
Good God, how? I don’t like Knox! I’m just a…a masochist! Yeah, that’s it!
I sighed. God, who am I kidding… I’m just trying to fool myself, aren’t I? Goddamn it…
Taking another puff of my cigarette, I exhaled and mumbled, “Seems like I do like him after all…” I ran my free hand through my hair and chuckled to myself. “Christ, I love the guy…”
“Charlie! Charlie! Charlie, are you out here? Charlie!” His voice sounded dry and harsh outside in the snow. “I’m in here Overstreet…”
Knox walked into the cave, a dusting of snow covering his hair as he pulled out a pair of mittens and a hat from his coat pocket, which he threw to me. “Take these,” he said quietly. I realized they were the hat and mittens that went with the scarf he wore around his neck, which he got for Christmas the year we met. “We’ve been looking all over for you… I’ve been looking all over for you… You must be freezing…” He walked over to where I was sitting and helped me up. “I’ll make us a fire… I’ll need a match. Is there still wood in the cave?” “Why don’t you take a look in my pants Knoxious…” “Oh Charlie… Do you want me to…light your fire?” “Yes please…”
“Charlie? Charlie? Hello?” I jerked back to real life as a hand waved in front of my face. “Charlie? I said is there wood still in the cave?” “Uh, yeah. Near the cave idol.” Giving me a little smile as I handed him the match, he started to go make a fire. When he bent over to put some wood in the fire circle, I took a good look at his ass. Knox was bent over on my bed, wearing nothing but that scarf of his. “Charlie… I know you want me…so come and claim me….” “Fire’s lit!” he said cheerfully. I smiled appreciatively at him. “Thanks.”
We sat together on the ground, our shoulders touching. He pulled out something wrapped up in a napkin from his other pocket and handed it to me. “I figured you’d be hungry… After all, you missed dinner…” It was a roll, cut in half with butter inside, still warm from earlier. “They just made a new batch today, didn’t they?” “Yeah. I figured you’d appreciate it.” “Thanks Knoxious.” I smiled and took a bite, only then just realizing how hungry I was.
“How are you? I mean, you seemed… I was worried about you, Charlie… We couldn’t find you anywhere… Neil, Todd, Meeks, Pitts, even Cameron and Keating, scoured every hallway of Hellton. I told them that I’d go find you myself. After all, it was my fault you left in the first place… Please don’t ever leave me like that again… I was so worried…” Knox looked really upset, so I put my hand on his shoulder and he smiled weakly. “I’m sorry Overstreet. I didn’t realize how worried you were…”
He sounded slightly worried as he spoke, looking down at his hands. “I…need to talk to you about something… It…it’s really important…” “About what?” His cheeks were splashed with a cute pink tinge as he took another breath and spoke quietly. “I…was thinking earlier, after we talked, and I realized that…sometimes…in my dreams, you see…you and Chris are one and the same… But no more. I’m through with Chris. I…I love you, Charlie. I’m beginning to realize it, and it’s true…. You probably hate me….” He began to get up when I took his arm. “Knox. I love you too.” “Don’t tease me like that Charlie...” “Look at me.” He turned around to look me in the eyes and I caressed his cheek. “I’m not teasing you. Couldn’t you tell how jealous I was? The little green monster was threatening to overcome me. Couldn’t you realize…how much I…” I took his lips with mine, soft as a girl’s, and he kissed back with passion. When we pulled apart, he smiled, magically making his face look even prettier. “Listen to me. I love you, Knox.”