NEW! "The Hand That Feeds - Part Three" (ATWT/Nuke/Angels Lie)
Title: The Hand That Feeds - Part Three
What It Is: Oneshot/Songfic/"Angels Lie" 'verse
Rating: R for language, content
Prompt: Still another sequel to “Angels Lie”!
Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em. Don’t make no money.
Warning GIANT FUCKING WARNING! PLEASE READ!
link
Note: This story begins after Noah’s return, but flashes back to when he was missing.
Here are links to Parts One and Two, in case you need to refresh your memory.
Part One
http://willwork4dean.livejournal.com/32208.html
Part Two
http://willwork4dean.livejournal.com/33411.html#cutid1
It might also help to re-read the last part of Casey’s chapter, as some of the same events happen, but from a different point of view. Linky:
http://willwork4dean.livejournal.com/31787.html
***
Just for fun, if you’d like a visual for Jimmy, I picture him looking like actor Max Martini.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0242882/
***
****GIANT FUCKING DISCLAIMER***
***YOU MUST READ THIS BEFORE GOING FURTHER***
Okay, kids, this is a serious topic, so listen up.
You knew it was coming: The Non-Con.
It’s not explicit, but it’s there.
If reading this sort of thing is too upsetting or triggering for you, then for the love of God, don’t read it. You won’t miss anything plot-wise, I promise.
The good news, this chapter is pretty much the end of the hurt part of our story. Now we can move on to the comfort, and Luke and Noah getting back together.
Anyway, consider this fair warning. And now, on with the show.
***
***
Hand That Feeds - Part Three
Noah wakes up in his favorite place in the world -- at home, in bed, with Luke snuggled next to him.
Only for some reason all their furniture and electronics are piled in the bedroom, making strange beeping noises and flashing little red lights at them. There’s some kind of railing around the bed, making it hard to move, and there are wires draped everywhere. It’s dark, adding to Noah’s confusion.
Still, Luke’s next to him, stroking his hair. Noah turns his head into Luke’s hand, seeking his touch. It feels like it’s been forever since Luke touched him, since they shared a bed, but Noah can’t remember why. Panic rises inside him.
“Luke?”
“Shhhh.” Luke hand continues its gentle motion. “Go back to sleep.”
Noah wants to, but for some reason he’s afraid. “What’s going on?” His tongue feels thick, making it hard to speak.
“Nothing. Everything’s fine now.”
It sounds like Luke’s crying. Now Noah’s really afraid.
“Luke? What’s wrong?” Noah’s so tired he can barely open his eyes. He reaches blindly for Luke.
Luke takes his hand, squeezing it tight. “Nothing. Everything’s good, baby.”
"You’re crying,” Noah insists. “Did I do something bad?” He knows he and Luke have had some kind of fight, but he can’t remember when or what it was about. But he can tell Luke’s upset.
“Of course not. Go back to sleep.”
Noah’s not convinced. He can hear the tears in Luke’s voice. He knows there’s a lamp on the bedside table. He wants to switch it on, to see Luke’s face, but his fumbling fingers can’t find it. Instead, they bang against the rail. Pain shoots through him, and he gasps.
Luke’s grip tightens. “Shhh, just relax.”
Noah can’t. “You’re crying.”
“I’m just happy that you’re back.”
“Oh.” Noah feels himself relax. He was right, then. He’s been away from Luke been a long time. But he still can’t remember where he’s been or why. “I missed you,” he murmurs.
“I missed you, too,” Luke whispers. “So much.”
Noah turns his head on the pillow restlessly. He wants to kiss Luke, but it feels like there’s something pressing on his face. He must have said something, because suddenly the barrier is gone. He can feel the cool air on his skin and then Luke’s lips, warm and soft against his own.
Noah groans into the kiss, feeling tears slip out of the corner of his eyes and slide down his cheeks. He wants to tell Luke how good it feels to kiss him, but he can feel sleep dragging him back down into darkness, as relentless as the current of a river. Noah murmurs in protest. He wants to stay with Luke.
“Shhh,” Luke says. “Don’t fight it. Just get some rest.”
Noah frowns. “Time is it? Do I have to open?” He always works the morning shift at the coffee shop.
“You have the day off,” Luke’s voice is calm and soothing, just like his touch on Noah’s hair. “You get to sleep in.”
“Oh. That’s nice.” Noah closes his eyes, then drags them open again.
Luke reads his mind, like always. “I’ll be here when you wake up,” he says. “I promise.”
Even in his exhaustion, Noah can feel a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “I love you, Luke.”
“I love you too, baby.”
Noah lets go, lets himself drift in the current.
He’s almost asleep when he hears the quiet click of a door opening. He peers through the slit of his eyelids and sees a figure standing in the doorway, a dark, blurry figure silhouetted against the light behind him.
In a heartbeat, Noah is back on the boat.
***
He hears the click of the cabin door opening. Just the faintest sound, but he’s awake in an instant, back pressed against the wall of the narrow berth, knees up and fists out. “Who’s there?”
There’s another click, and Jimmy’s face appears in the darkness, ghoulishly lit by the square camp flashlight held underneath his chin. “Surprise. It’s me.” He chuckles. “Didn’t scare ya, did I?”
“What do you want?” Noah asks warily.
“Just checkin’ on you, buddy. Just makin’ sure you’re okay.” Jimmy sets the flashlight on the floor, faintly illuminating the cabin, and straddles the chair that’s still sitting in the center of the room.
Noah rubs his eyes and looks around him. It’s pitch black out, and the booze and drugs in his system are making him fuzzy. “What time is it?
“Late.”
Noah rubs his eyes again, trying to clear his head. “Where’s my father?”
“Asleep.” Jimmy pulls a metal flask from his back pocket. “Poor guy’s exhausted. Of course, I might have given him a little help in that direction.” He winks and takes a long pull from the flask.
Noah frowns. “What do you mean?”
Jimmy shrugs. “Slipped him a mickey. I figured the man had earned him some rest.” He takes another swig from the flask, then proffers it to Noah.
“No, thank you,” Noah says stiffly.
“Well, ain’t you polite,” Jimmy sneers. “Guess the Colonel raised you right, huh?”
Noah doesn’t answer.
Jimmy’s eyes narrow, and he crosses his muscled arms on the back of the chair, resting his chin on them. “You got no idea how lucky you are, Noah, having a man like the Colonel for a father. My father? Now, he was a real piece of shit. When I was a kid, I woulda killed to have a dad like yours, someone who’d take me fishing and hunting. Someone who’d teach me what it means to be a man.”
Noah squeezes his fists until his nails cut into his palms. The pain helps him focus. “You’re breaking my heart.”
Jimmy throws back his head and laughs. “I like you, kid. You got spirit.”
“Thanks,” Noah says sarcastically. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going back to sleep.” He starts to lie down again.
“Not so fast,” Jimmy drawls.
“What?” Noah snaps. His control slips, and his voice cracks a little. “What do you want?”
Jimmy shrugs again. “Figured me and you are gonna be spending a lot of time together. We might as well get to know one another.” He grins wolfishly. “Get some ground rules established. Get some things cleared up.”
“Such as?”
“Such as nature of our relationship.”
“What?” Noah laughs in disbelief. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I know your secret,” Jimmy says in an exaggerated whisper. “I know you’re lyin’.”
Noah’s mouth goes dry. His blood runs cold, even as a trickle of sweat slides down his spine. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, Noah. Don’t kid a kidder. I know you’re lying to your dad. You haven’t changed one bit.”
Noah raises his chin. “Yes, I have.”
“Buddy.” Jimmy shakes his head. “Save it.” He pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lights one, the snap of the lighter unnaturally loud in the silence. It takes everything Noah’s got in him not to flinch at the sound.
Jimmy takes a long drag and exhales smoke through his nose. It hovers around his head, stained yellow in the glow of the flashlight. The sharp smell of tobacco makes Noah’s eyes sting.
“Your dad and me, we had a lot of time to plan this mission, back in the joint,” Jimmy says conversationally. “The day I got out, I had one assignment.”
He points two fingers at Noah, the cigarette held between them. “Find you. Follow you. And report back to your father.”
Jimmy grins at Noah’s expression and takes another drag off his cigarette, the ash at the tip flaring red. “That’s right, kiddo. I been watching you for months. I know how you spend your shore leave, so to speak. I’ve followed you to every one of those filthy bars you frequent, every back alley where you fuck. I’ve stood outside your door while you slept. Hell, you even poured me a beer where you work, and you never even knew.” He draws out the last three words with relish. “But you wanna know the best part?”
Jimmy leans forward. “The best part is, I never told your father. And I won’t tell him. It’ll be our little secret.” He winks.
Noah’s entire body is shaking, but he clenches his jaw. “Why?”
Jimmy glances away. “Maybe I like having some leverage over you. Let’s face it, Noah. I’m the son your father should have had. You’re a waste.” Jimmy’s handsome face twists, and he flicks his cigarette into the darkness. “This way, you owe me.”
"And you won't tell my father," Noahs say suspiciously.
"That's right."
“How do I know I can trust you?”
Jimmy laughs, his mood shifting instantly. “You don’t. That’s the fun part.” His blue eyes seem to burn as he smiles, and his reddish hair stands up in little spikes, lit by the flashlight’s glow. “Meantime, I get to play with your strings, make you dance a little.” Jimmy wiggles his fingers like a puppeteer. “Make you do whatever I want.” He pulls out another cigarette.
“Yeah?” Noah asks defiantly. “Like what?”
Jimmy flicks the wheel, lights his cigarette, and inhales, then looks at Noah.
“No.” Noah feels his stomach drop.
Jimmy exhales on a grin. “Betcha never saw that one coming.”
“You?” Noah laughs in disbelief. “You’re ga--“
“Shut your mouth,” Jimmy snaps.
Noah obeys instantly, without thinking. Then he feels his face burn with shame.
Jimmy reads his expression. “Now, now. Don’t be embarrassed. Ain’t nobody can stand up to interrogation, not when it’s administered by a professional like me. If it’s any consolation, you held out longer than some folks. But we both know I can take you apart again, any time I want.”
Noah’s heartbeat is racing. He glances around the cabin. The portholes are too small to climb through. That leaves the door. Jimmy doesn’t seem to be carrying his gun. If Noah can get past him and onto the deck, he could dive over the side of the boat. Sure, he might drown in the river, but that beats--
“Come on, Noah,” Jimmy interrupts his thoughts. “You’re smarter than that.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Noah growls.
“You’re trying to figure how to get off this boat,” Jimmy says calmly. “But I can promise you, there’s no way. You’re a strong kid, I’ll grant you that. But right now, you’re hurt, you’re tired, and you’re afraid. I got the drop on you and we both know it. There’s no reason this has to get violent.” He tilts his head to one side, eyes twinkling. “Unless, of course, you like it that way.”
“I’ll tell my father,” Noah blurts.
Jimmy’s smile doesn’t move. His eyes don’t move. “Yeah? And when he finds out you lied to him? What do you think he’ll do to you? What do you think he’ll have me do to you?”
Noah looks away. His whole body is shaking.
“Come on,” Jimmy’s voice is soft and gentle now, almost like a caress. “Who’s he going to believe -- me or you?”
He shakes his head sadly. “Let’s face it, Noah. You’ve been a real disappointment to your old man, but me? I’ve come through for him every single time. Sure, right now he wants to think you’ve changed your wicked ways, but if push came to shove? I think we both know who he’d trust.”
Jimmy puts his cigarette between his lips, mumbling around it. “The way I see it, you only got one option, son. From this moment on, I own you. I got drugs,” he adds. “Whatever you want. There’s no reason we can’t have a little fun tonight.”
He takes his cigarette between nicotine-stained fingers and flicks ash onto the floor. “But you tell your father? You try to get away? Then we’ve got a problem.”
“And you’ll kill me,” Noah says dully.
“Nah. I’ll do better than that. I’ll find that pretty little boyfriend of yours.”
Noah’s body is freezing cold, his fingertips like ice. His teeth chatter. “Luke and I aren’t together anymore.”
“I know that. He dumped you for some doctor. But that doesn’t stop the way you feel about him, does it?” Jimmy tilts his head down, forcing Noah to meet his eyes. “Doesn’t stop you from parking your truck outside his place, late at night after you’ve had a few beers. Doesn’t stop you from staring up at his window, trying to work up the courage to call his cell.”
“Oh, my God.” Noah puts his head on his knees and locks his hands behind his head. “Oh, my God.” It was his deepest secret, one not even his friends knew. And now his stupidity was going to get Luke hurt. Again.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Jimmy’s voice soothes. “I said I been following you. So all that stuff you said to your father, how you hated Luke Snyder, how he was the worst thing that ever happened to you? I know that’s total bullshit. Look at me, Noah.” His voice hardens. “I said look at me.”
Noah drags his head up and stares at Jimmy.
“You try to fuck with me, just once, and you know what’ll happen.” Jimmy points his cigarette at Noah. “Everything I did to you the past few days? Everything I’m gonna to do to you tonight? I’ll do to Luke. Twice over.” He smiles his crocodile smile, showing his crooked teeth. “Hell, maybe I’ll even make you watch.”
“Okay,” Noah chokes out. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“You win.”
Jimmy raises his eyebrows. “Anything I want?”
Noah nods.
“Say it.”
“Anything you want.”
“And you won’t fight me?”
Noah shakes his head. “Just leave Luke alone.”
“I’m a man of my word. So we got a deal?”
Noah nods.
“Say it.”
“Deal,” Noah whispers.
Smirking, Jimmy drops his cigarette on the floor and grinds it out underneath his boot heel. Then he stands.
“Wait!” Noah holds out both hands, palms out.
Jimmy scowls. “What?”
“Just…gimme a drink first.”
Jimmy chuckles and tosses Noah the flask. Noah drains it in one swallow. “You said you have drugs.” It’s the only thing Noah can think of, the only way to get through this night.
Jimmy pulls a plastic baggie of pills from his pocket and waves it triumphantly. “I got everything you need right here. Condoms, too. God only knows what you picked up in those disgusting bars.” He tosses the bag to Noah and swaggers toward the bunk.
“Lie down,” he orders.
Noah obeys.
“No noise. We don’t want to wake your father,” Jimmy warns as he climbs on top, crowding Noah into the narrow space. He smells of cigarettes and mosquito repellant, whiskey and sweat. He licks his thin lips and lowers them toward Noah’s.
Noah puts his hand on Jimmy’s chest, holding him back. “Stop!”
Jimmy’s face darkens. “Noah. Quit stalling.”
“I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are. Don’t make this harder on yourself.”
“I’m not! Just…” Noah hesitates, biting his lip. “Can you turn the light off?”
“Why?”
“You know why,” Noah says, hating himself.
“Hmmm…” Jimmy pretends to consider, scratching his stubbled chin. “Suppose I could blindfold you again. That would be kinky.”
“Either one,” Noah whispers. “Just…please.”
“Dunno.” Jimmy turns his head back and forth, peering down at Noah like a hawk sighting its prey. “I kinda like them pretty eyes of yours. But I guess we’ll have time for that later. Since this is basically a permanent arrangement from here on out.” He waggles his forefinger at Noah. “Don’t move, now.”
“I won’t,” Noah croaks. “Deal, remember?”
Jimmy smiles, satisfied. “I’m gonna rock your world, Mayer.” He clambers off the bunk and turns off the flashlight with a click of the button, plunging the cabin into darkness. A second later, Noah feels the bed dip, followed by Jimmy’s heavier weight pressing him down into the thin mattress, smothering him, suffocating him.
It’s the longest night of Noah’s life.
***
Noah sits bolt upright with a gasp. Luke stirs next to him.
“Noah, what’s wrong?”
Noah stares at the door. It’s closed now, but a moment ago, someone was standing there…
It’s him. Oh, God, it’s him.
“We have to get out of here,” Noah shoves aside blankets and pillows, ignoring the searing pain in his side.
“Noah, stop that.” Luke tries to press Noah back onto the bed. “Baby, you’re hurt, you’re shot. You need to rest.”
“No!” It’s him, he’s here. He's here for Luke, just like he promised.
“You’re safe now. Noah, look at me.” Luke’s hands cup his face, holding him still. In the dim light, his eyes are wide and as beautiful as ever. “You’re safe, you’re in the hospital.”
“No!” Noah grips Luke’s wrists. “You have to get out of here. Luke, you have to run. Please.”
Luke’s brow crinkles in concern. “Noah, your father’s in custody. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“NO!” Noah shoves Luke aside. The wires on the bed are tangled around him, tethering him. Noah rips at them, desperate to escape.
“Noah, stop it!”
Luke’s crying now, and Noah hates himself for making him cry. But if he can get up, get out of this room, maybe he can lead Jimmy away from Luke. There’s a sharp pain in his hand, and the last tether gives way.
He hears Luke crying for help, and it makes him even more frantic. He shoves at the furniture around the bed, knocking something over with a huge crash.
There’s a new voice talking to him now, a woman’s voice, familiar somehow.
“No, honey, you need that. Let me help you.” She’s got a needle in her hand, and Noah freaks out.
“Don’t touch me!” There’s a sudden pain in Noah’s chest. He can’t catch his breath. He coughs helplessly, doubling over. He has to get out of here, he has to help Luke, but he can’t breathe. There’s a loud beeping noise, then more people in the room. Hands shove him back on the pillows.
“Easy, buddy, easy.” A new voice. A man’s voice, soothing and deep. “Just lie still. Where the hell is that oxygen mask?”
Something presses against his face. “Noah, I want you to breathe into this, do you hear me? Breathe, God dammit!”
Noah tries, but his lungs don’t work. He’s drowning again. The river rises, pulling him under.
Now there’s more shouting and a bright, harsh light. Another figure looms over Noah, a man with reddish hair and pale eyes.
“Hold him down,” the first voice orders. “And shut that fucking door.”
Strong hands press Noah back onto the bed, smothering him, suffocating him. Noah screams, begging and crying “No no no no no!” but they don’t stop.
He needle enters his arm. His limbs grow heavy and weak.
He can’t move.
The black water slops over his chin, then his head, gurgling into his mouth and pouring into his lungs.
He can’t breathe.
With a click, the flashlight goes out.
The harsh light disappears into the deepest darkness as Noah sinks to the bottom. His last sensation is of his body settling into the soft, cool, comforting mud.
The voices are gone now, replaced by a deep, muffling silence.
Noah closes his eyes.
He’s done.
The river wins.
The End
***
**Title from “The Hand That Feeds” by Nine Inch Nails**
Next up in Angels Lie: “Let Your Demons Run"
What It Is: Oneshot/Songfic/"Angels Lie" 'verse
Rating: R for language, content
Prompt: Still another sequel to “Angels Lie”!
Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em. Don’t make no money.
Warning GIANT FUCKING WARNING! PLEASE READ!
link
Note: This story begins after Noah’s return, but flashes back to when he was missing.
Here are links to Parts One and Two, in case you need to refresh your memory.
Part One
http://willwork4dean.livejournal.com/32208.html
Part Two
http://willwork4dean.livejournal.com/33411.html#cutid1
It might also help to re-read the last part of Casey’s chapter, as some of the same events happen, but from a different point of view. Linky:
http://willwork4dean.livejournal.com/31787.html
***
Just for fun, if you’d like a visual for Jimmy, I picture him looking like actor Max Martini.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0242882/
***
****GIANT FUCKING DISCLAIMER***
***YOU MUST READ THIS BEFORE GOING FURTHER***
Okay, kids, this is a serious topic, so listen up.
You knew it was coming: The Non-Con.
It’s not explicit, but it’s there.
If reading this sort of thing is too upsetting or triggering for you, then for the love of God, don’t read it. You won’t miss anything plot-wise, I promise.
The good news, this chapter is pretty much the end of the hurt part of our story. Now we can move on to the comfort, and Luke and Noah getting back together.
Anyway, consider this fair warning. And now, on with the show.
***
***
Hand That Feeds - Part Three
Noah wakes up in his favorite place in the world -- at home, in bed, with Luke snuggled next to him.
Only for some reason all their furniture and electronics are piled in the bedroom, making strange beeping noises and flashing little red lights at them. There’s some kind of railing around the bed, making it hard to move, and there are wires draped everywhere. It’s dark, adding to Noah’s confusion.
Still, Luke’s next to him, stroking his hair. Noah turns his head into Luke’s hand, seeking his touch. It feels like it’s been forever since Luke touched him, since they shared a bed, but Noah can’t remember why. Panic rises inside him.
“Luke?”
“Shhhh.” Luke hand continues its gentle motion. “Go back to sleep.”
Noah wants to, but for some reason he’s afraid. “What’s going on?” His tongue feels thick, making it hard to speak.
“Nothing. Everything’s fine now.”
It sounds like Luke’s crying. Now Noah’s really afraid.
“Luke? What’s wrong?” Noah’s so tired he can barely open his eyes. He reaches blindly for Luke.
Luke takes his hand, squeezing it tight. “Nothing. Everything’s good, baby.”
"You’re crying,” Noah insists. “Did I do something bad?” He knows he and Luke have had some kind of fight, but he can’t remember when or what it was about. But he can tell Luke’s upset.
“Of course not. Go back to sleep.”
Noah’s not convinced. He can hear the tears in Luke’s voice. He knows there’s a lamp on the bedside table. He wants to switch it on, to see Luke’s face, but his fumbling fingers can’t find it. Instead, they bang against the rail. Pain shoots through him, and he gasps.
Luke’s grip tightens. “Shhh, just relax.”
Noah can’t. “You’re crying.”
“I’m just happy that you’re back.”
“Oh.” Noah feels himself relax. He was right, then. He’s been away from Luke been a long time. But he still can’t remember where he’s been or why. “I missed you,” he murmurs.
“I missed you, too,” Luke whispers. “So much.”
Noah turns his head on the pillow restlessly. He wants to kiss Luke, but it feels like there’s something pressing on his face. He must have said something, because suddenly the barrier is gone. He can feel the cool air on his skin and then Luke’s lips, warm and soft against his own.
Noah groans into the kiss, feeling tears slip out of the corner of his eyes and slide down his cheeks. He wants to tell Luke how good it feels to kiss him, but he can feel sleep dragging him back down into darkness, as relentless as the current of a river. Noah murmurs in protest. He wants to stay with Luke.
“Shhh,” Luke says. “Don’t fight it. Just get some rest.”
Noah frowns. “Time is it? Do I have to open?” He always works the morning shift at the coffee shop.
“You have the day off,” Luke’s voice is calm and soothing, just like his touch on Noah’s hair. “You get to sleep in.”
“Oh. That’s nice.” Noah closes his eyes, then drags them open again.
Luke reads his mind, like always. “I’ll be here when you wake up,” he says. “I promise.”
Even in his exhaustion, Noah can feel a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “I love you, Luke.”
“I love you too, baby.”
Noah lets go, lets himself drift in the current.
He’s almost asleep when he hears the quiet click of a door opening. He peers through the slit of his eyelids and sees a figure standing in the doorway, a dark, blurry figure silhouetted against the light behind him.
In a heartbeat, Noah is back on the boat.
***
He hears the click of the cabin door opening. Just the faintest sound, but he’s awake in an instant, back pressed against the wall of the narrow berth, knees up and fists out. “Who’s there?”
There’s another click, and Jimmy’s face appears in the darkness, ghoulishly lit by the square camp flashlight held underneath his chin. “Surprise. It’s me.” He chuckles. “Didn’t scare ya, did I?”
“What do you want?” Noah asks warily.
“Just checkin’ on you, buddy. Just makin’ sure you’re okay.” Jimmy sets the flashlight on the floor, faintly illuminating the cabin, and straddles the chair that’s still sitting in the center of the room.
Noah rubs his eyes and looks around him. It’s pitch black out, and the booze and drugs in his system are making him fuzzy. “What time is it?
“Late.”
Noah rubs his eyes again, trying to clear his head. “Where’s my father?”
“Asleep.” Jimmy pulls a metal flask from his back pocket. “Poor guy’s exhausted. Of course, I might have given him a little help in that direction.” He winks and takes a long pull from the flask.
Noah frowns. “What do you mean?”
Jimmy shrugs. “Slipped him a mickey. I figured the man had earned him some rest.” He takes another swig from the flask, then proffers it to Noah.
“No, thank you,” Noah says stiffly.
“Well, ain’t you polite,” Jimmy sneers. “Guess the Colonel raised you right, huh?”
Noah doesn’t answer.
Jimmy’s eyes narrow, and he crosses his muscled arms on the back of the chair, resting his chin on them. “You got no idea how lucky you are, Noah, having a man like the Colonel for a father. My father? Now, he was a real piece of shit. When I was a kid, I woulda killed to have a dad like yours, someone who’d take me fishing and hunting. Someone who’d teach me what it means to be a man.”
Noah squeezes his fists until his nails cut into his palms. The pain helps him focus. “You’re breaking my heart.”
Jimmy throws back his head and laughs. “I like you, kid. You got spirit.”
“Thanks,” Noah says sarcastically. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going back to sleep.” He starts to lie down again.
“Not so fast,” Jimmy drawls.
“What?” Noah snaps. His control slips, and his voice cracks a little. “What do you want?”
Jimmy shrugs again. “Figured me and you are gonna be spending a lot of time together. We might as well get to know one another.” He grins wolfishly. “Get some ground rules established. Get some things cleared up.”
“Such as?”
“Such as nature of our relationship.”
“What?” Noah laughs in disbelief. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I know your secret,” Jimmy says in an exaggerated whisper. “I know you’re lyin’.”
Noah’s mouth goes dry. His blood runs cold, even as a trickle of sweat slides down his spine. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, Noah. Don’t kid a kidder. I know you’re lying to your dad. You haven’t changed one bit.”
Noah raises his chin. “Yes, I have.”
“Buddy.” Jimmy shakes his head. “Save it.” He pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lights one, the snap of the lighter unnaturally loud in the silence. It takes everything Noah’s got in him not to flinch at the sound.
Jimmy takes a long drag and exhales smoke through his nose. It hovers around his head, stained yellow in the glow of the flashlight. The sharp smell of tobacco makes Noah’s eyes sting.
“Your dad and me, we had a lot of time to plan this mission, back in the joint,” Jimmy says conversationally. “The day I got out, I had one assignment.”
He points two fingers at Noah, the cigarette held between them. “Find you. Follow you. And report back to your father.”
Jimmy grins at Noah’s expression and takes another drag off his cigarette, the ash at the tip flaring red. “That’s right, kiddo. I been watching you for months. I know how you spend your shore leave, so to speak. I’ve followed you to every one of those filthy bars you frequent, every back alley where you fuck. I’ve stood outside your door while you slept. Hell, you even poured me a beer where you work, and you never even knew.” He draws out the last three words with relish. “But you wanna know the best part?”
Jimmy leans forward. “The best part is, I never told your father. And I won’t tell him. It’ll be our little secret.” He winks.
Noah’s entire body is shaking, but he clenches his jaw. “Why?”
Jimmy glances away. “Maybe I like having some leverage over you. Let’s face it, Noah. I’m the son your father should have had. You’re a waste.” Jimmy’s handsome face twists, and he flicks his cigarette into the darkness. “This way, you owe me.”
"And you won't tell my father," Noahs say suspiciously.
"That's right."
“How do I know I can trust you?”
Jimmy laughs, his mood shifting instantly. “You don’t. That’s the fun part.” His blue eyes seem to burn as he smiles, and his reddish hair stands up in little spikes, lit by the flashlight’s glow. “Meantime, I get to play with your strings, make you dance a little.” Jimmy wiggles his fingers like a puppeteer. “Make you do whatever I want.” He pulls out another cigarette.
“Yeah?” Noah asks defiantly. “Like what?”
Jimmy flicks the wheel, lights his cigarette, and inhales, then looks at Noah.
“No.” Noah feels his stomach drop.
Jimmy exhales on a grin. “Betcha never saw that one coming.”
“You?” Noah laughs in disbelief. “You’re ga--“
“Shut your mouth,” Jimmy snaps.
Noah obeys instantly, without thinking. Then he feels his face burn with shame.
Jimmy reads his expression. “Now, now. Don’t be embarrassed. Ain’t nobody can stand up to interrogation, not when it’s administered by a professional like me. If it’s any consolation, you held out longer than some folks. But we both know I can take you apart again, any time I want.”
Noah’s heartbeat is racing. He glances around the cabin. The portholes are too small to climb through. That leaves the door. Jimmy doesn’t seem to be carrying his gun. If Noah can get past him and onto the deck, he could dive over the side of the boat. Sure, he might drown in the river, but that beats--
“Come on, Noah,” Jimmy interrupts his thoughts. “You’re smarter than that.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Noah growls.
“You’re trying to figure how to get off this boat,” Jimmy says calmly. “But I can promise you, there’s no way. You’re a strong kid, I’ll grant you that. But right now, you’re hurt, you’re tired, and you’re afraid. I got the drop on you and we both know it. There’s no reason this has to get violent.” He tilts his head to one side, eyes twinkling. “Unless, of course, you like it that way.”
“I’ll tell my father,” Noah blurts.
Jimmy’s smile doesn’t move. His eyes don’t move. “Yeah? And when he finds out you lied to him? What do you think he’ll do to you? What do you think he’ll have me do to you?”
Noah looks away. His whole body is shaking.
“Come on,” Jimmy’s voice is soft and gentle now, almost like a caress. “Who’s he going to believe -- me or you?”
He shakes his head sadly. “Let’s face it, Noah. You’ve been a real disappointment to your old man, but me? I’ve come through for him every single time. Sure, right now he wants to think you’ve changed your wicked ways, but if push came to shove? I think we both know who he’d trust.”
Jimmy puts his cigarette between his lips, mumbling around it. “The way I see it, you only got one option, son. From this moment on, I own you. I got drugs,” he adds. “Whatever you want. There’s no reason we can’t have a little fun tonight.”
He takes his cigarette between nicotine-stained fingers and flicks ash onto the floor. “But you tell your father? You try to get away? Then we’ve got a problem.”
“And you’ll kill me,” Noah says dully.
“Nah. I’ll do better than that. I’ll find that pretty little boyfriend of yours.”
Noah’s body is freezing cold, his fingertips like ice. His teeth chatter. “Luke and I aren’t together anymore.”
“I know that. He dumped you for some doctor. But that doesn’t stop the way you feel about him, does it?” Jimmy tilts his head down, forcing Noah to meet his eyes. “Doesn’t stop you from parking your truck outside his place, late at night after you’ve had a few beers. Doesn’t stop you from staring up at his window, trying to work up the courage to call his cell.”
“Oh, my God.” Noah puts his head on his knees and locks his hands behind his head. “Oh, my God.” It was his deepest secret, one not even his friends knew. And now his stupidity was going to get Luke hurt. Again.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Jimmy’s voice soothes. “I said I been following you. So all that stuff you said to your father, how you hated Luke Snyder, how he was the worst thing that ever happened to you? I know that’s total bullshit. Look at me, Noah.” His voice hardens. “I said look at me.”
Noah drags his head up and stares at Jimmy.
“You try to fuck with me, just once, and you know what’ll happen.” Jimmy points his cigarette at Noah. “Everything I did to you the past few days? Everything I’m gonna to do to you tonight? I’ll do to Luke. Twice over.” He smiles his crocodile smile, showing his crooked teeth. “Hell, maybe I’ll even make you watch.”
“Okay,” Noah chokes out. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“You win.”
Jimmy raises his eyebrows. “Anything I want?”
Noah nods.
“Say it.”
“Anything you want.”
“And you won’t fight me?”
Noah shakes his head. “Just leave Luke alone.”
“I’m a man of my word. So we got a deal?”
Noah nods.
“Say it.”
“Deal,” Noah whispers.
Smirking, Jimmy drops his cigarette on the floor and grinds it out underneath his boot heel. Then he stands.
“Wait!” Noah holds out both hands, palms out.
Jimmy scowls. “What?”
“Just…gimme a drink first.”
Jimmy chuckles and tosses Noah the flask. Noah drains it in one swallow. “You said you have drugs.” It’s the only thing Noah can think of, the only way to get through this night.
Jimmy pulls a plastic baggie of pills from his pocket and waves it triumphantly. “I got everything you need right here. Condoms, too. God only knows what you picked up in those disgusting bars.” He tosses the bag to Noah and swaggers toward the bunk.
“Lie down,” he orders.
Noah obeys.
“No noise. We don’t want to wake your father,” Jimmy warns as he climbs on top, crowding Noah into the narrow space. He smells of cigarettes and mosquito repellant, whiskey and sweat. He licks his thin lips and lowers them toward Noah’s.
Noah puts his hand on Jimmy’s chest, holding him back. “Stop!”
Jimmy’s face darkens. “Noah. Quit stalling.”
“I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are. Don’t make this harder on yourself.”
“I’m not! Just…” Noah hesitates, biting his lip. “Can you turn the light off?”
“Why?”
“You know why,” Noah says, hating himself.
“Hmmm…” Jimmy pretends to consider, scratching his stubbled chin. “Suppose I could blindfold you again. That would be kinky.”
“Either one,” Noah whispers. “Just…please.”
“Dunno.” Jimmy turns his head back and forth, peering down at Noah like a hawk sighting its prey. “I kinda like them pretty eyes of yours. But I guess we’ll have time for that later. Since this is basically a permanent arrangement from here on out.” He waggles his forefinger at Noah. “Don’t move, now.”
“I won’t,” Noah croaks. “Deal, remember?”
Jimmy smiles, satisfied. “I’m gonna rock your world, Mayer.” He clambers off the bunk and turns off the flashlight with a click of the button, plunging the cabin into darkness. A second later, Noah feels the bed dip, followed by Jimmy’s heavier weight pressing him down into the thin mattress, smothering him, suffocating him.
It’s the longest night of Noah’s life.
***
Noah sits bolt upright with a gasp. Luke stirs next to him.
“Noah, what’s wrong?”
Noah stares at the door. It’s closed now, but a moment ago, someone was standing there…
It’s him. Oh, God, it’s him.
“We have to get out of here,” Noah shoves aside blankets and pillows, ignoring the searing pain in his side.
“Noah, stop that.” Luke tries to press Noah back onto the bed. “Baby, you’re hurt, you’re shot. You need to rest.”
“No!” It’s him, he’s here. He's here for Luke, just like he promised.
“You’re safe now. Noah, look at me.” Luke’s hands cup his face, holding him still. In the dim light, his eyes are wide and as beautiful as ever. “You’re safe, you’re in the hospital.”
“No!” Noah grips Luke’s wrists. “You have to get out of here. Luke, you have to run. Please.”
Luke’s brow crinkles in concern. “Noah, your father’s in custody. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“NO!” Noah shoves Luke aside. The wires on the bed are tangled around him, tethering him. Noah rips at them, desperate to escape.
“Noah, stop it!”
Luke’s crying now, and Noah hates himself for making him cry. But if he can get up, get out of this room, maybe he can lead Jimmy away from Luke. There’s a sharp pain in his hand, and the last tether gives way.
He hears Luke crying for help, and it makes him even more frantic. He shoves at the furniture around the bed, knocking something over with a huge crash.
There’s a new voice talking to him now, a woman’s voice, familiar somehow.
“No, honey, you need that. Let me help you.” She’s got a needle in her hand, and Noah freaks out.
“Don’t touch me!” There’s a sudden pain in Noah’s chest. He can’t catch his breath. He coughs helplessly, doubling over. He has to get out of here, he has to help Luke, but he can’t breathe. There’s a loud beeping noise, then more people in the room. Hands shove him back on the pillows.
“Easy, buddy, easy.” A new voice. A man’s voice, soothing and deep. “Just lie still. Where the hell is that oxygen mask?”
Something presses against his face. “Noah, I want you to breathe into this, do you hear me? Breathe, God dammit!”
Noah tries, but his lungs don’t work. He’s drowning again. The river rises, pulling him under.
Now there’s more shouting and a bright, harsh light. Another figure looms over Noah, a man with reddish hair and pale eyes.
“Hold him down,” the first voice orders. “And shut that fucking door.”
Strong hands press Noah back onto the bed, smothering him, suffocating him. Noah screams, begging and crying “No no no no no!” but they don’t stop.
He needle enters his arm. His limbs grow heavy and weak.
He can’t move.
The black water slops over his chin, then his head, gurgling into his mouth and pouring into his lungs.
He can’t breathe.
With a click, the flashlight goes out.
The harsh light disappears into the deepest darkness as Noah sinks to the bottom. His last sensation is of his body settling into the soft, cool, comforting mud.
The voices are gone now, replaced by a deep, muffling silence.
Noah closes his eyes.
He’s done.
The river wins.
The End
***
**Title from “The Hand That Feeds” by Nine Inch Nails**
Next up in Angels Lie: “Let Your Demons Run"