(no subject)
I've noticed that everyone in town now seems to know that Tara's back, and someone apparently sent Kennedy an email with a picture.
Let me make something clear for people who haven't lost someone and then had them suddenly reappear - it shocks the fuck out of you and you can never prepare yourself for how you'll react. Nothing beyond what that picture captured happened between me and Tara that day.
Yes, it's unfair. Yes a lot of really bad stuff happened when she died. I still carry the guilt with me every single day. Just because I've moved on to a point where I can live my life without freaking out about it - doesn't mean that it isn't still there.
And you know what? She gave up Heaven to be with me. Even though they told her everything...even though she knows about the horrible things that I did. And...and I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that. I mean...Heaven.
I'm not jumping into this lightly. I know, everyone of you is looking and just thinking that it's the simplest decision in the world. And in some ways, yes...but it's not...
Am I making sense? probably not...
Do I care? not so much...
Let me make something clear for people who haven't lost someone and then had them suddenly reappear - it shocks the fuck out of you and you can never prepare yourself for how you'll react. Nothing beyond what that picture captured happened between me and Tara that day.
Yes, it's unfair. Yes a lot of really bad stuff happened when she died. I still carry the guilt with me every single day. Just because I've moved on to a point where I can live my life without freaking out about it - doesn't mean that it isn't still there.
And you know what? She gave up Heaven to be with me. Even though they told her everything...even though she knows about the horrible things that I did. And...and I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that. I mean...Heaven.
I'm not jumping into this lightly. I know, everyone of you is looking and just thinking that it's the simplest decision in the world. And in some ways, yes...but it's not...
Am I making sense? probably not...
Do I care? not so much...