Friends..?

[willow]

It's like I have people around me who are self-centered about me, for me.

They say he's an ass, he's shit for treating me like dirt, scumbag. Why do I defend him?
It's been a week since he's called. Or answered.

No, he didn't tell me what I do wrong. No, he didn't answer my email.
Get over him, move on. You have so much to give, find someone who appreciates you.

So I listen. I try. I go out. I'm all smiles. Someone hugs me, or tries to kiss me, I start crying.
I go home, or he goes home, and my pillow gets soaked.

I don't feel anything. The only thing going on in my head is "he's not Shane, I want Shane."
I get so angry, so frustrated, this empty hole in my heart expands and sucks my soul away.

I defend him.

I'm still here for him.
If I were on a date with a sweet man who had everything together, someone with depth and vigor and humour... and if Shane were to show up at my door...
There'd still be no contest. I'd cry and dive into his arms. I'd forget there's some hot guy behind me biting his lip and looking away. I'd run to him.

I suck.
Ass.