The Plight of the Yuppy
I went to Panera Bread for a bagel and coffee yesterday, but forgot I wanted the coffee until after I ordered and got the bagel. It had already taken the 90-year-old about five minutes just to get the bagel order together, so I was a little worried about adding to my order, particularly after I'd already paid. Ruth, or "rUtH!" as her name was written on her name badge, had gross little teeth with the bite pattern of a cross-word puzzle, filling her little shriveled head, accentuated by her thinning, shortly cropped hair. Somehow her hands had aged such that all the mass of her fingers sunk into the tips, sort of like the hands of a Peace Frog, but with thick, yellow nails. She was really sick.
I pulled out a couple dollars and asked her if I could get a small coffee, too. She pulled out a cup and pushed it towards me. "Take it!"
"What?" I held up the money.
"Just take it!" She looked around cautiously, sliding the cup at me.
First, I thought she was just crazy, then I thought maybe she was nice, and recognized how overpriced the coffee and bagels are there.
It turns out she was just apologetic. Later, when I went to eat my bagel, I saw that she had cut it such that the top was about the width of four sheets of paper. It fell apart in the cream cheese application process, so I just had the bottom and drank my free coffee.