33 days
So, my time here is almost over. I know for a fact that 33 days will fly bye. Next weekend sunday: My birthday. Still don't know what I am going to do. Maybe something with the chirch kids, since I'll see them sunday morning they might want to do something that night. Maybe the classmates will come over, but I doubt it.
Next weekend, still don't know the name of the town I am going to, but that saturday is a trip to a museum somewhere. The museum is all about the process of emegration out of germany by boat, and the history of the big rush to america in the mid 1800's. Promisses to be a boring trip, but I know that I would feel stupid if I didn't go.
Week after that is the trip to Berlin, then off to Amsterdam and Amiens, then paris, then back to amiens, then frankfurt, and the long ass flight home.
Honestly, I have been wanting to get the hell out of here for the last week or so. I don't even remember the last week, it went by that fast. I am zoned the fuck out, and just want to see my girlfriend.
And then there is the subject of the girlfriend. She is a really wonderful, cute, sweet, pretty, smart girl. She is also friggen young. Like, so young that I almost feel bad about it. I love her, but at the same time I know that if one of my friends was dating someone that much older I would strongly advise against it.
Do we stand a snow ball's chance in hell? Honstly don't know. I don't even know what this summer will be like, honstly. I don't even know if we are going to be in the same city after august. I think we are, I know that she is leaning really hard toward central, but I almost hope she goes to State instead. Its hard to explain. I guess I just don't want her to compromise her education because of me. I really don't think I'm worth it.
I'm always the quiet kid, and don' really stand out in a group of social people, so it always strikes me as extremely odd when somebody actually cares that much about me.
A moment of irony: A while back me and my mom (shut up, I know its not gramatically correct) were talking about what we thought constituted a good woman these days. One of the things that we both disliked about my brother's fiance was that she was willing to put up with so much shit from my brother and is still going to marry him. We were describing this as a quality of weakness, and basically thought that she lacked the will to be a real person of character. She was more of an ornament than peron, I suppose.
My girlfriend on the other hand was somewhat different. We were only together for about a month before I went back to school, and she couldn't cope with the long distance relationship. She honestly thought that she could, otherwise I wouldn't have let things get that far. But we fell pretty hard for one another, and I figured that we could cope.
Sadly, I am very good at ignoring what I don't have, she on the other hand went though a lot of depression over it, and finally told me that she just wanted to be friends. On the one hand, I have to applaud the fact that she could say "enough is enough" and end it. On the other, is she any stronger than somebody that is willing to tough it out through all the shit they can't hardly stand? I don't know. All I know is, she wants me back, and I never stopped wanting her. I know my parents will grumble when they find out that I am dating an 18 year old again(they were actually surprised months later when I said we still talked), so we'll see what the fall out looks like.
So yeah, I wanna come home. I want things to be normal again for a while. Right now I think about the future, and I actually think about how to phrase things so that I can use the right words to tell people about what has happened. Then I remember that I don't need to speek german at home, and forget about it. I am so fucked up in the head right now it is rediculouse.
Fuck me, I need a drink, and a cigarette, and it would really make my day if I could go down on her too. I don't know why, but right now a pussy just seems like it would taiste reeeeally good.
Next weekend, still don't know the name of the town I am going to, but that saturday is a trip to a museum somewhere. The museum is all about the process of emegration out of germany by boat, and the history of the big rush to america in the mid 1800's. Promisses to be a boring trip, but I know that I would feel stupid if I didn't go.
Week after that is the trip to Berlin, then off to Amsterdam and Amiens, then paris, then back to amiens, then frankfurt, and the long ass flight home.
Honestly, I have been wanting to get the hell out of here for the last week or so. I don't even remember the last week, it went by that fast. I am zoned the fuck out, and just want to see my girlfriend.
And then there is the subject of the girlfriend. She is a really wonderful, cute, sweet, pretty, smart girl. She is also friggen young. Like, so young that I almost feel bad about it. I love her, but at the same time I know that if one of my friends was dating someone that much older I would strongly advise against it.
Do we stand a snow ball's chance in hell? Honstly don't know. I don't even know what this summer will be like, honstly. I don't even know if we are going to be in the same city after august. I think we are, I know that she is leaning really hard toward central, but I almost hope she goes to State instead. Its hard to explain. I guess I just don't want her to compromise her education because of me. I really don't think I'm worth it.
I'm always the quiet kid, and don' really stand out in a group of social people, so it always strikes me as extremely odd when somebody actually cares that much about me.
A moment of irony: A while back me and my mom (shut up, I know its not gramatically correct) were talking about what we thought constituted a good woman these days. One of the things that we both disliked about my brother's fiance was that she was willing to put up with so much shit from my brother and is still going to marry him. We were describing this as a quality of weakness, and basically thought that she lacked the will to be a real person of character. She was more of an ornament than peron, I suppose.
My girlfriend on the other hand was somewhat different. We were only together for about a month before I went back to school, and she couldn't cope with the long distance relationship. She honestly thought that she could, otherwise I wouldn't have let things get that far. But we fell pretty hard for one another, and I figured that we could cope.
Sadly, I am very good at ignoring what I don't have, she on the other hand went though a lot of depression over it, and finally told me that she just wanted to be friends. On the one hand, I have to applaud the fact that she could say "enough is enough" and end it. On the other, is she any stronger than somebody that is willing to tough it out through all the shit they can't hardly stand? I don't know. All I know is, she wants me back, and I never stopped wanting her. I know my parents will grumble when they find out that I am dating an 18 year old again(they were actually surprised months later when I said we still talked), so we'll see what the fall out looks like.
So yeah, I wanna come home. I want things to be normal again for a while. Right now I think about the future, and I actually think about how to phrase things so that I can use the right words to tell people about what has happened. Then I remember that I don't need to speek german at home, and forget about it. I am so fucked up in the head right now it is rediculouse.
Fuck me, I need a drink, and a cigarette, and it would really make my day if I could go down on her too. I don't know why, but right now a pussy just seems like it would taiste reeeeally good.