Email to Buffy
To: BSummerrs@ucsd.edu
From: bitterwfan@gmail.com
Subject: EEEP!
Okay, not to make you think that I have become a charter member of the I Am Cordelia Club, but the boys at this school? Could teach lessons to the whole male species.
For example, there's this really cute boy named Conner who used to fight aliens once a week but who still doesn't make fun of you if you have to hide your eyes during a war movie. Not that I've ever had to do eye-hiding, of course, but if I did he wouldn't.
Then there's Jamie, who can make duplicates of himself and who more than sympathizes with somebody who nearly got burned at the stake. Apparently there were torches. Possibly from people who were jealous that he could go to more than one class at a time.
There's also Dean, who fights demons as part of this whole vengence gig for his mom, and who promised to shoot any female werewolves I might point him towards NOT THAT I'M THINKING OF ANYONE IN PARTICULAR. But oh if I knew that spell to raise the dead. You know, just for the principle of it.
And! There's Peter, who does bowing and courtliness and pledged to fight battles in my honor, and you could TELL he was spelling it with a u. I think it's the accent. I gave him a ribbon from my hair to take into battle. I don't know if maybe that means we're married or engaged, but if a guy promises to slay a giant on your behalf he's earned something, in my opinion. Maybe I should bake him some cookies. Though of course he calls them "biscuits." Did I mention he's not scared of big words? There was no big word scaredness. And he uses words like "Lady" and "duty" and actually means them!
On the side of the con to all these pros, we have Xander who OWNS A PURPLE FROG, WTH??? Please tell me Xander at home is not this stupid! (Also was he serious about him and Spike?)
Finally, there is Joxer who is so sweet and nice and holds doors open for you when you go shopping and everything. But he asked me out on a date! There was date-asking! Of me! Huge loser regecto-girl! Stupid ugly Willow who wasn't even good enough for a werewolf! And! And! I know Spike said it was just the chip but I honestly think if I could've inspired enough appetite there he so wouldn've bitten me and he DIDN'T and I SAID I'D GO OUT FOR COFFEE AND WHAT WAS I THINKING????
What if he shows up? What if I show up? WHAT IF I SPILL SOMETHING??? What if he wants to talk and I forget every word except strumpet and so that's all I say the whole time and he's there like hey, weirdo, all I wanted was some coffee and maybe a muffin and now you're throwing Shakespearian porn at me and, okay, I don't think he knows who Shakespeare is but THAT SHOULDN'T BE HIS INTRODUCTION!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna die.
Ack.
Willow.
PS: I found out there's a younger version of you here and I'd really love to know if I should tell her about the whole soulmate she hasn't met yet thing, except there's also the part where Angel rips your heart out with a rusty spoon and that was with the soul so, you know, awkward much?
Oh, and I went into Special Collections with this girl Hermione but I can't possibly imagine why me spending time with a female witch after breaking up with Oz would be in any way a newsworthy event.
***
To: bitterwfan@gmail.com
From: BSummerrs@ucsd.edu
Subject: Re: EEEP!
Breathe. Wear the purple sweater with the paisley skirt. When in doubt, ask about his hobbies. If any of the boys listed have a first, middle, last, or nickname of Parker save time and club him on the head before anything else happens.
> (Also was he serious about him and Spike?)
You mean about Spike moving into the basement with him?
The B in your BFF
***
To: BSummerrs@ucsd.edu
From: bitterwfan@gmail.com
Subject: Re: EEEP!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From: bitterwfan@gmail.com
Subject: EEEP!
Okay, not to make you think that I have become a charter member of the I Am Cordelia Club, but the boys at this school? Could teach lessons to the whole male species.
For example, there's this really cute boy named Conner who used to fight aliens once a week but who still doesn't make fun of you if you have to hide your eyes during a war movie. Not that I've ever had to do eye-hiding, of course, but if I did he wouldn't.
Then there's Jamie, who can make duplicates of himself and who more than sympathizes with somebody who nearly got burned at the stake. Apparently there were torches. Possibly from people who were jealous that he could go to more than one class at a time.
There's also Dean, who fights demons as part of this whole vengence gig for his mom, and who promised to shoot any female werewolves I might point him towards NOT THAT I'M THINKING OF ANYONE IN PARTICULAR. But oh if I knew that spell to raise the dead. You know, just for the principle of it.
And! There's Peter, who does bowing and courtliness and pledged to fight battles in my honor, and you could TELL he was spelling it with a u. I think it's the accent. I gave him a ribbon from my hair to take into battle. I don't know if maybe that means we're married or engaged, but if a guy promises to slay a giant on your behalf he's earned something, in my opinion. Maybe I should bake him some cookies. Though of course he calls them "biscuits." Did I mention he's not scared of big words? There was no big word scaredness. And he uses words like "Lady" and "duty" and actually means them!
On the side of the con to all these pros, we have Xander who OWNS A PURPLE FROG, WTH??? Please tell me Xander at home is not this stupid! (Also was he serious about him and Spike?)
Finally, there is Joxer who is so sweet and nice and holds doors open for you when you go shopping and everything. But he asked me out on a date! There was date-asking! Of me! Huge loser regecto-girl! Stupid ugly Willow who wasn't even good enough for a werewolf! And! And! I know Spike said it was just the chip but I honestly think if I could've inspired enough appetite there he so wouldn've bitten me and he DIDN'T and I SAID I'D GO OUT FOR COFFEE AND WHAT WAS I THINKING????
What if he shows up? What if I show up? WHAT IF I SPILL SOMETHING??? What if he wants to talk and I forget every word except strumpet and so that's all I say the whole time and he's there like hey, weirdo, all I wanted was some coffee and maybe a muffin and now you're throwing Shakespearian porn at me and, okay, I don't think he knows who Shakespeare is but THAT SHOULDN'T BE HIS INTRODUCTION!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna die.
Ack.
Willow.
PS: I found out there's a younger version of you here and I'd really love to know if I should tell her about the whole soulmate she hasn't met yet thing, except there's also the part where Angel rips your heart out with a rusty spoon and that was with the soul so, you know, awkward much?
Oh, and I went into Special Collections with this girl Hermione but I can't possibly imagine why me spending time with a female witch after breaking up with Oz would be in any way a newsworthy event.
***
To: bitterwfan@gmail.com
From: BSummerrs@ucsd.edu
Subject: Re: EEEP!
Breathe. Wear the purple sweater with the paisley skirt. When in doubt, ask about his hobbies. If any of the boys listed have a first, middle, last, or nickname of Parker save time and club him on the head before anything else happens.
> (Also was he serious about him and Spike?)
You mean about Spike moving into the basement with him?
The B in your BFF
***
To: BSummerrs@ucsd.edu
From: bitterwfan@gmail.com
Subject: Re: EEEP!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!