001 [text]

[isfullofennui]

Could someone please tell me why I'm in a poorly-lit, depressingly squalid dungeon?

If this is a joke, it's really not funny.

Comments

TEXT

[protheanruins]

... squalid is rather appropriate here.

I have several theories that remain uncorroborated by evidence, but… in short, no. Unless you have any new information to bring to light?

TEXT FOREVER

[isfullofennui]

No. All I know is that I'm stuck in a filthy cell with Marc Jacob's summer collection and my brand new Ferragamo loafers. If they so much as endure one scuff mark I swear whoever's doing this is going to pay for a replacement pair.

What are your theories?

AND EVER AND EVER

[protheanruins]

Abduction, but for what purpose would you abduct a group and then give them communications devices? It could be a very well-funded psychological study. Which I'm quite sure I didn't consent to, so that makes it well-funded and profoundly illegal.

That doesn't account for transporting all these people here from different places. Ad times. This, of course, assumes we're all telling the truth.

It could also be a very elaborate hallucination.

[isfullofennui]

So your theories are an alien abduction, an ethically corrupt psychological experiment, we're all liars or we're all high.

You watch a lot of daytime television, don't you?

[protheanruins]

They're all pretty awful ideas, but you need to start somewhere. If you have any simpler theories, present them.

To address your other points, I don't spend much time watching vids, and I can't really think of any group of any species who'd do this.

[isfullofennui]

Group of species?

[protheanruins]

Human, Asari, Salarian, Krogan, Turian, the list continues?

Maybe there are some Salarians who would do this, actually.

[isfullofennui]

You lost me at Salarian.

[protheanruins]

Oh. Uh.

Let's just stick with "aliens", then. Further theories?

[isfullofennui]

[a short delay, because seriously, aliens?]

I'm still not entirely convinced that Rachel hasn't finally driven me insane. It was only a matter of time. Nobody can make penny loafers work, especially someone who dresses like she's Anne Hathaway in the Princess Diaries, pre-makeover.

[protheanruins]

[Liara delays to try and puzzle out 'loafers' and 'Anne Hathaway'. Without success.]

Her penny loafers are broken?

[isfullofennui]

[another delay]

If only.

[protheanruins]

So what in the universe are penny loafers?

[isfullofennui]

The single worst shoes, next to Crocs and Birkenstocks, ever created.