Fic: County Lines - Chapter One [Last Tango in Halifax]
Title: County Lines - Chapter One
Author: Wildwildwood
Fandom: Last Tango in Halifax
Pairing: Caroline/Kate
Rating: PG
Summary: What happens after Celia leaves Kate and Caroline to sort themselves out...
Disclaimer: Let's be honest... Not mine. Sally Wainwright & the Beebs.
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Caroline couldn't breathe through her sobs. She couldn't stop reaching out in front of her to make sure Kate was real, she was there, willing to forgive her, willing to stay, willing to put up with the unholy mess that was her life right now.
And Kate let her, pulled her into an embrace and just let her cry it out. All of it. John, and Judith, and William, and her mother - all of her frustrations and fears and rage. All of it that had been pent up in her body for the last few weeks that hadn't found a way out but managed to live inside her, coiling around her heart and her stomach and her lungs. It was only now, as she felt it all empty out of her that she realized it was as if she was holding her breath this entire time and was just now starting to remember how it felt to take in lungfuls of air.
Caroline could make out her mother's retreating figure, tired and defeated, through her tears. Tomorrow she would thank her, and apologize, and take her to M&S, but she couldn't speak right now, couldn't move. It was as if Kate's warmth reminded her how tired, how absolutely exhausted she was. She felt Kate take a step in, and close the door. She knew she should let go, wipe up her tears, put her face back together and they should sit and talk about this, and what this means, and how they're going to proceed. They should proceed like adults, like the grown-ups that they were, not the teenagers they governed, but she didn't feel very much like an adult right now.
"Caroline," Kate murmured in her ear, stroking her hair, "Do you want to sit down?" Caroline nodded, but didn't let go. "Do you want to let me go?" Kate murmured again. Caroline could feel the smile of the other woman's lips against her ear as she shook her head no. "Ok, then... We'll take it slow." Kate said as she slowly guided the other woman backwards through the hall towards the closest room, her office. She struggled with the door, but managed to reach the doorknob by pressing against Caroline. She felt the electric spark as they connected and her stomach dropped, as if on a roller coaster. This was always the problem Kate had with Caroline. She could be strong if she wanted to - determined to stand her ground and stand up for herself, then the blonde would look at her, or walk past in her heels, or touch her and suddenly Kate would find her head spinning and her stomach sinking and her heart tearing in two. "You felt that too?" Caroline whispered as she finally unwrapped her arms from Kate and pulled her to the small couch. "Yes." Kate managed to hiss out as she sat down beside Caroline. "We have a lot to talk about, Caroline." Kate began.
"I know..." The older woman took Kate's hand in hers and began examining them. "I just... You're here."
"I'm here."
"I'm sorry - I just...you're here." She reached out to brush the younger woman's face. "How? Why?"
"Celia came over..."
"To your place?"
"She loves you, you know. Enough to visit me."
"I probably look a fright." Caroline said, breaking the silence, realizing what crying into her pillow all afternoon had done. "You look magnificent," Kate smiled, wiping away a tear track.
"Hardly, you're the beauty in this relationship." Caroline laughed, trying to wipe away the leftover mascara that hadn't been cried away yet.
"Oh, I am, am I? Just using me for my looks, are we?" Kate asked, feigning being indignant.
"Oh absolutely. It has nothing to do with your charm, or brilliance, our your kindness, or your ability to deal with my insanity." Caroline's voice dropped suddenly and she peered into Kate's brown eyes. "None at all."
"I see."
"Do you? I'm sorry -"
"Caroline, we'll talk later -"
"I'd like to say this now, so you know it. So you can hear it like I need for you to hear it." She took the other woman's face in her hand, "I'm sorry Kate. I'm sorry about everything you heard last night. And I'm sorry I didn't defend you better, or us better. And I'm sorry that you think you don't mean the world to me... Because I think you could mean the world to me... And the last time someone meant this much to me-"
"John?"
"Lord no!" Caroline laughed. "But I mean it when I say you are right here..." She took the other woman's hand in hers and placed in above her heart. "More firmly and more plainly that I thought possible. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"I think so." Kate nodded slowly, the other woman didn't have the words to say it, but she was asking Kate for patience for her to learn the words. "Good, 'cause I think if I keep talking, I'm going to muck it up even more." The blond started laughing again, taking Kate's face in her hands, "I can't believe you're here!" She leaned in, brushing their lips together.
"I'm here." Kate repeated, smiling, surprised at Caroline's delight in her presence.
"You're here." Caroline repeated. "And you'll stay? Tonight?"
"Caroline -"
"Please?" Such a simple word, such a simple emotion spread across the other woman's face. "I just, I want to wake up tomorrow and know that this wasn't a dream, or a delusion. God knows, if I've snapped, I'd be the last person to be surprised by it."
"We'll see." Kate stood, needing some space, some air. So this was what it was like to be on the other side, to be wanted so deeply. "Come on. I bet you haven't had anything to eat."
"Eat?" Caroline asked, as if the concept was so completely foreign to her. "Well I ate lunch..." She searched her memory - "Yesterday."
"Then let's get you something to eat." Kate held out her hands to help the other woman up.
TBC...