When good crack goes bad....otherwise known as the "Underwear Fic"
Ah...here we go. Sorry this pile of an attempt at crack (OH WHERE HAVE YOU GONE MY CRACK MUSES!! MAMA WANTS YOU TO COME HOME AND FORNICATE!!) took so long to get posted.....I actually had this written like almost 2 weeks ago now...and I've had time to beta it...but Im a big pile of lazy and I hate beta'ing my stuff. I suck at being constructive about my own work. *thinks she should just stick to trying to defile Suigetsu and Hidan via *
Oh might as well get this over with. Here goes. Read at your own risk. (Note...I speed beta'd it...so uggh...it may contain many horrors of grammar that my Grammar Nazi self would shoot me for)
Title: (currently untitled but otherwise known as the underwear fic)
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG-ish
Pairing: Tsunade/Jiraiya…sorta
Word Count: 624
Summary: Some fantasies are better left unfilled and some dresser drawers unsearched.
It was probably a bad idea. Ok, it was a really bad idea, but after forty some years he had to know. After staring at her more than bountiful chest for ages, Jiraiya had acquired more than a few ideas about the matter. Many of which had made their way into the pages of his most infamous works.
Jiraiya crept stealthily through the window, well as stealthy as a 50 year old man who was as giddy as a teenage boy that was about to peep in the girls locker room could be. Tsunade was still at Hokage tower passed out on top of some paperwork last he knew, so he figured that he was pretty safe from her wrath at this current point in time. Later would be a different story. By that time, he hoped that he would be back at his place with the prize in question.
He slowly made his way past the bed, pausing for a moment to lay a lingering glance at Tsunade’s rumpled sheets. As much as Jiraiya wanted to stand around having dirty thoughts about Tsunade naked and rolling around in that same bed with him, it would be detrimental to “the mission.” Mainly, said woman could come strolling home at any point in time and he really didn’t want a fist to the face after catching him with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar.
Finally reaching his destination, Jiraiya slowly slid open the heavy oak drawer to peer inside. The light from the street lamp outside was just enough to vaguely see the contents of the drawer. Which happened to consist of a few shirts; completely not what he was looking for.
Lecherous grin in place, he pulled open the next drawer. This one had to be the drawer. All his years of imagining what was worn under those tight ninja pants would soon come to fruition. His imagination had always provided him luscious visions of Tsunade in some sort of lacey black number, made of barely there fabric. Or something low cut, so that when she bent over for punishment in one of his fantasies, all he would see would be pale white skin accented by a frame of fabric.
Hearing the click of heels coming up the walk, Jiraiya blindly grabbed a few articles and slammed the drawer shut before poofing his way out of the bedroom and down the street a few blocks. He quickly hurried the rest of the way home before Tsunade found out that he had be rifling through her panty drawer. If he was found to be anywhere the scene of the crime, all blame would summarily fall on him and there would be hell to pay. The outcome of that would in no way be good, so it would be best to get the hell out of dodge before he became a gooey smear on the pavement.
Once he was finally back in his apartment, he breathed a sigh of relief. The panty raid of doom had went off without a hitch and he had made it out unscathed unless you were to count the fact that he stubbed his toe on the table leg when he shot into the dark apartment.
Jiraiya shakily reached into his pocket to pull out the silky scraps of fabric that he had skillfully pilfered from Tsunade’s apartment. This was the moment of truth. The culmination of 40 years of fantasizing.
Taking a moment to wipe away the beginnings of a nosebleed, he raised his hands so that he could look the material reverently held in his hands.
A scream of horror was heard all the way across town by a grinning Hokage.
She figured that would serve the old letch. There was a reason why she kept her lingerie and sexy panties in the cabinet in the closet.
Back across town, Jiraiya was sobbing while holding a pair of “Granny-panties.”
This infamous incident would never make the pages of Icha Icha and Jiraiya couldn’t look at Tsunade’s lower half without shuddering for months.
~~~~~~~
Ok...so that definately isnt the best thing that I have ever written. .....It rather bothers me. Ranks right up there with the unposted "Some Days It Doesnt Pay to be ANBU".
Feel free to comment and poke me with sticks for this murdering of a crack idea. Bad Beth! BAD!