Where to start???
Well, let's start with updates:
1. Indeed pregnant. First blood draw hcg beta was 33, second 5 days later was 140, and third a week after the second was 1356. So far I'm feeling fantastic. No nausea. Just tired and my boobs ache so bad it'd be worth having them not here anymore. In a few more weeks this should pass too. EDD as of now is 12-11-11. Will be more accurately known at my first appointment and ultrasound on 5-18.
2. Potty training has officially restarted. So far, noting exciting to report. I wish he'd self-learn like Nathan did. Ce la vie I suppose.
3. Nathan has been doing aweful with school and at home. Grades, behavior, attitiude. So aweful he's on the brink of expulsion. You know, it would be one thing if it were an escalating problem, but it's not. It's the same stupid mistakes over and over and over. And a flat-out refusal to "remember" to bring home homework or pay attention in class. He respects nobody, including himself. For a kid who claims he doesn't try to be aweful, he's doing a marvleous job. This week he's suspended from school (again) for the remaining 4 days, so we're experimenting on our theory for next year: Homeschooling. It's quickly becoming a great idea, and day by day, it may be the only option left if he continues on his current path. So far he seems responsive, and to be actually learning something, so I'm encouraged. We'll see how the rest of the week shapes up.
4. SC update is that we're not moving...Correction, we're not moving until after this baby is born and Andy can find a job. It's the job portion that's proving elusive. Not that he's not good enough or willing; I think it's this job title that's holding him back. He wants to go back to actually cooking high-end food, and currently he's listed as Chef. Nobody wants to hire a Chef who wants to downgrade to Line Cook, it looks suspicious. I sincerely hope that working for this current company hasn't ruined his career. He will be inconsolable if he has to go back to his first career or pick a third. I don't know that our marriage would survive it.
5. I'm avoiding telling my family about Nathan. Truth be told, I'm just tired of judgment. It's always because I'm too hard on him, a bad parent, he's jealous, I'm over-reacting, I'm blowing it out of proportion or they can talk to him and straighten it out. It's nonsense. I appreciate opinions, but at the end of the day, I am a woman in my 30's, and this child is my responsibility. They do not have to agree with my parenting techniques, but they do have to be respectful. And I don't feel like they can be or will be. So I've omitted details. I'm sure this will come back to bite me in the ass when summer comes and my dad wants a baseball schedule or to take Nate camping. But I absolutely refuse to reward bad behavior, and they will have to deal with it. I'm used to being the asshole.
Other than that, I'm lonely. I always thought when I got married I wouldn't be lonely anymore. Don't misunderstand; my marriage is a happy and fulfilling one. I just miss other people. I feel isolated, like I don't get to see anyone or talk to anyone anymore. And when I do get a moment or two to talk to people, it's not the same anymore. I feel like people just aren't interested in me anymore on any level. It hurts. It's sad. Is it always like this when you grow up? Was I better off being single and angsty? At least people found me entertaining. It'd be reassuring to know I'm missed as much as I'm missing people, but I doubt that's true. Everyone is busy with their own lives. People are self-centered, including myself. I know this, and yet I hurt. I ache deeply, like I never have before. It's shaking the foundation of everything I thought I knew, and that's terrifying...
1. Indeed pregnant. First blood draw hcg beta was 33, second 5 days later was 140, and third a week after the second was 1356. So far I'm feeling fantastic. No nausea. Just tired and my boobs ache so bad it'd be worth having them not here anymore. In a few more weeks this should pass too. EDD as of now is 12-11-11. Will be more accurately known at my first appointment and ultrasound on 5-18.
2. Potty training has officially restarted. So far, noting exciting to report. I wish he'd self-learn like Nathan did. Ce la vie I suppose.
3. Nathan has been doing aweful with school and at home. Grades, behavior, attitiude. So aweful he's on the brink of expulsion. You know, it would be one thing if it were an escalating problem, but it's not. It's the same stupid mistakes over and over and over. And a flat-out refusal to "remember" to bring home homework or pay attention in class. He respects nobody, including himself. For a kid who claims he doesn't try to be aweful, he's doing a marvleous job. This week he's suspended from school (again) for the remaining 4 days, so we're experimenting on our theory for next year: Homeschooling. It's quickly becoming a great idea, and day by day, it may be the only option left if he continues on his current path. So far he seems responsive, and to be actually learning something, so I'm encouraged. We'll see how the rest of the week shapes up.
4. SC update is that we're not moving...Correction, we're not moving until after this baby is born and Andy can find a job. It's the job portion that's proving elusive. Not that he's not good enough or willing; I think it's this job title that's holding him back. He wants to go back to actually cooking high-end food, and currently he's listed as Chef. Nobody wants to hire a Chef who wants to downgrade to Line Cook, it looks suspicious. I sincerely hope that working for this current company hasn't ruined his career. He will be inconsolable if he has to go back to his first career or pick a third. I don't know that our marriage would survive it.
5. I'm avoiding telling my family about Nathan. Truth be told, I'm just tired of judgment. It's always because I'm too hard on him, a bad parent, he's jealous, I'm over-reacting, I'm blowing it out of proportion or they can talk to him and straighten it out. It's nonsense. I appreciate opinions, but at the end of the day, I am a woman in my 30's, and this child is my responsibility. They do not have to agree with my parenting techniques, but they do have to be respectful. And I don't feel like they can be or will be. So I've omitted details. I'm sure this will come back to bite me in the ass when summer comes and my dad wants a baseball schedule or to take Nate camping. But I absolutely refuse to reward bad behavior, and they will have to deal with it. I'm used to being the asshole.
Other than that, I'm lonely. I always thought when I got married I wouldn't be lonely anymore. Don't misunderstand; my marriage is a happy and fulfilling one. I just miss other people. I feel isolated, like I don't get to see anyone or talk to anyone anymore. And when I do get a moment or two to talk to people, it's not the same anymore. I feel like people just aren't interested in me anymore on any level. It hurts. It's sad. Is it always like this when you grow up? Was I better off being single and angsty? At least people found me entertaining. It'd be reassuring to know I'm missed as much as I'm missing people, but I doubt that's true. Everyone is busy with their own lives. People are self-centered, including myself. I know this, and yet I hurt. I ache deeply, like I never have before. It's shaking the foundation of everything I thought I knew, and that's terrifying...