7 Deadly Sins
It's Sunday morning. I've gone through my typical Sunday morning routine of domestic engineer type things, and got to thinking (again) about my family. Right now, I'm fairly positive at least half of them are in church, singing about how great God is and all that jazz. Now, I'm not an athiest, but nor am I sure I believe in one intangible God either. This fact alone makes me an outcast in my family. I have faith in higher power; just not willing to directly define what that means. Regardless, I got thinking about my family, and how I feel like such an outcast when it comes to them...mostly my mom's side at least. There's the situation with the dickhead stalking my oldest that STILL goes on, there's issues from when I was younger that keep lingering in the back of my family's heads, a million things that makes my family hypocrites. That's right, hypocrites. The Holier-Than-Thou-Art side touts how they're living their lives to serve God, are God's good and faithful, and that God is Great and they are without sin for being Believers.
I call bullshit.
I think everyone sins. I think everyone sins all the time, and they try to cover it up, wipe the slate clean by saying, "God forgives those who ask." I personally think that if you continually do stuff you know isn't right, then you're fucked, you're burning. Simple. God to me is the kind of guy who doesn't want a bunch of retards running around Heaven; pretty sure he'd like people who are able to learn from their mistakes.
Tangent over. 7 deadly sins.
Definitions:
Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
I am guilty of each and every one of these. And the more I think about it, the more I think that my family and how I was raised has a lot to do with it, a lot to do with my specific neuroses. Explanation:
Pride or Vanity: I'm beyond guilty of this. I'm vain as hell, and jealous of anyone who I define as prettier than me. I secretly want to be skinny and beautiful, despite knowing better. I would cut off my nose to spite my face.
Envy: I am envious of other people's weird little worlds, where family behaves as family should most of the time. Where good things eventually happen to people who try to be good. I am envious of people who have things I desire.
Gluttony: I am a packrat. I throw nothing away, out of fear that I may need it. My cupboards are full, for fear of running out of food for the children. I have inordinate amounts of clothing, because I may someday want to wear that again, may fit into that again.
Lust: I have 2 children out of wedlock. I have been whore-like in my behaviors. I have had innumerable sexual partners. I have used my sexuality to my advantage.
Wrath or Anger: I have let my rage take over my rational thinking. I have lost my temper. I have yelled at those I love. I have hated. I have wished unkind actions to happen to people. I have taken revenge on those who've displeased me. My wrath is well known and documented.
Greed: I desire great wealth. I long for material things, ever in the hope that money will one day truly buy happiness. I want for money due to never having much, to impress others, to be more accepted.
Sloth: I procrastinate. I allow others to do my work for me. I shun responsibility if I can.
You know, I should feel bad about all this. I should feel guilty. But I don't. And the reason I don't is because I'm positive everyone is guilty of these things at some point or another...
And this is why I'm not invited to family gatherings anymore. I am guilty and honest about it, therefore I am unacceptable. And it hurts. It hurts because each and every one of them has been guilty, has made mistakes, and yet, I'm the one who's cast into the pit for mine.
Apparently, today is going to be an Envy kinda day...
Love me or hate me; I am a sinner who can at least admit that she sins.