Two days until our departure...
Very soon, Autumn and I will be on a plane to Calgary to go visit our beloved family and friends. Too often, I think of living there.. but it seems so impossible, and I know that Harv doesn't think it's a good place to live. It's so hard to always be torn in two between here and there, and us and them. It is so confusing in this life to know what is best for you and yours. It is so confusing to know which way to go, or what to do to get where you want to be in life. It is as if there are too many options, and not enough at the same time! I am so frustrated... I have no idea what is going on in my life. I mean, I have some idea. Sometimes I get this glimmer in my mind that it all makes sense somehow, and it is all leading up to something... somewhere... somehow... but it is so vague and intangible! I still feel so unsure. About so many things. Even things that are supposed to be set and fixed in place by now, like my relationship. There is only a couple of things in my life that I am sure about. My desire to fulfill my potential as a human on this planet, and my love for my daughter. Everything else is all mixed up in my brains. I wish I knew what to do to create the results that I want to see in my life. I wish that I had been born with some kind of guidebook on how to deal with everything that I have been through, and everything that I want to go through. It's all so complex that it is hard to see it when I am so close. Perhaps our trip to Calgary will give me some perspective. It often does... All I can do now is roll with it.