Spring is sprung...
It seems that the few, the rare times I'm posting here... I'm mentioning that it's few and rare. I've another LJ... the 'normal one' which I've not posted in since last October. I really should, at some point.
The only constant in life is change. And it's spring. So add in impending changes and... a lot of introspection results.
Of course it's spring. The weather is delicious, the car is on the road... as frequently as I can find the time to enjoy the warmth and sun. And doing... stuff, away from home. And, of course, the hormones are running. Y'd think by my age they'd have slacked off a bit by now *sigh* So I set aside 72% of my brain to think about sex, let it have a dark little room all by itself and I close the door so the other 8% of my brain can see to getting the day to day stuff done. The last 20%? That chunk is white noise all the time. It's the only way I can really operate, to have that fuzz in the background.
Sure, this LJ was for naughty wicked stuff but, well, you know how well I do there. So back to introspection. Tossing words out in black and white lets them rest. Which I should be doing but my good friend, insomnia, is visiting a lot lately which means daytime I am a little tired all the time. Worn out a bit.
At the end of May I get to put a clubnight away for good, after seven years. I left it in the hands of others and it has just... slowly died. So I'm going to Kitchener to put it in a box and slide it under the bed to collect dust. To say goodbye and thanks for all the fish.
Cleveland at the end of the month too. Though things have changed - the club there has a new booking system for guest DJs and it seems my emails are just not getting through or something. So that's up in the air. On the other hand, it seems a club in Columbus may offer opportunities this summer. Maybe. I'll have to think about it.
So mostly I'm spinning for swingers nights [top40 hell] and fetish nights with a bit of dark alternative tossed in now and again through luck and chance. I'm all ready considering a tour in July for several weeks to see what I can see.
Moving. Some time this year I may or may not move. Regardless I'll end up with my own apartment sometime between July and December. Whee, fun. Living alone. It has some advantages and some... challenges. I'll have to work to not be a hermit sitting alone in a dark room lit only by the glow of the PC staring at the screen and wondering what I've become.
I've been pondering the differences between alone and lonely. A pair of common threads in my life, the ascendant of the two being dependant on and determined by my own feelings of self confidence. And satisfaction with my life.
Honestly, y'd think I'd be satisfied at the moment. Work goes well... a great team, a fantastic store, good odds on having my own before the autumn peaks... and yet there are days and nights when I wonder if this is all there is.
Cutting my hair was a good thing. Though I miss having the long ponytail I think it looks good and feels good and it's just a right thing. Maintenance requirements have changed. Showers are short and swift. Perhaps I'll do something with facial hair though I know that most women don't like facefuzz on a guy. Most. Then again, with my track record, what am I worrying about? I truly should only focus on what I want, though it's strange for my mind to wander those tracks.
It is interesting to note that I'm pretty comfortable with my broken-ness most of the time.
The only constant in life is change. And it's spring. So add in impending changes and... a lot of introspection results.
Of course it's spring. The weather is delicious, the car is on the road... as frequently as I can find the time to enjoy the warmth and sun. And doing... stuff, away from home. And, of course, the hormones are running. Y'd think by my age they'd have slacked off a bit by now *sigh* So I set aside 72% of my brain to think about sex, let it have a dark little room all by itself and I close the door so the other 8% of my brain can see to getting the day to day stuff done. The last 20%? That chunk is white noise all the time. It's the only way I can really operate, to have that fuzz in the background.
Sure, this LJ was for naughty wicked stuff but, well, you know how well I do there. So back to introspection. Tossing words out in black and white lets them rest. Which I should be doing but my good friend, insomnia, is visiting a lot lately which means daytime I am a little tired all the time. Worn out a bit.
At the end of May I get to put a clubnight away for good, after seven years. I left it in the hands of others and it has just... slowly died. So I'm going to Kitchener to put it in a box and slide it under the bed to collect dust. To say goodbye and thanks for all the fish.
Cleveland at the end of the month too. Though things have changed - the club there has a new booking system for guest DJs and it seems my emails are just not getting through or something. So that's up in the air. On the other hand, it seems a club in Columbus may offer opportunities this summer. Maybe. I'll have to think about it.
So mostly I'm spinning for swingers nights [top40 hell] and fetish nights with a bit of dark alternative tossed in now and again through luck and chance. I'm all ready considering a tour in July for several weeks to see what I can see.
Moving. Some time this year I may or may not move. Regardless I'll end up with my own apartment sometime between July and December. Whee, fun. Living alone. It has some advantages and some... challenges. I'll have to work to not be a hermit sitting alone in a dark room lit only by the glow of the PC staring at the screen and wondering what I've become.
I've been pondering the differences between alone and lonely. A pair of common threads in my life, the ascendant of the two being dependant on and determined by my own feelings of self confidence. And satisfaction with my life.
Honestly, y'd think I'd be satisfied at the moment. Work goes well... a great team, a fantastic store, good odds on having my own before the autumn peaks... and yet there are days and nights when I wonder if this is all there is.
Cutting my hair was a good thing. Though I miss having the long ponytail I think it looks good and feels good and it's just a right thing. Maintenance requirements have changed. Showers are short and swift. Perhaps I'll do something with facial hair though I know that most women don't like facefuzz on a guy. Most. Then again, with my track record, what am I worrying about? I truly should only focus on what I want, though it's strange for my mind to wander those tracks.
It is interesting to note that I'm pretty comfortable with my broken-ness most of the time.