(no subject)
I am f*$"£ing exhausted, we miraculously finished ward rounds at 3pm today - Dr C was so nice and stuffed his fingers in his ears and was like "I know there's a night out for the regs tonight, so you can divide up the work and.......... GO HOME NOW" hahaha. It's coming to the end of the working-year for the hospitals, so there's a reasonably congenial mood at work - alot of people having dinners and parties n stuff.
I was so tired today that I just went straight home at 315 and dropped by the Superquinns on the way back, got cheese crackers for a snack and got home, made a cup of tea, had the snack, and promptly passed out on my bed from 430 to 620. Omg. Waking up was like crawling through fog - I was like hmmm is it morning -- mmmmmmm i feel SO GOOOOOOOOD it feels SO GOOD to sleep - just cos I can! haha.
crawled out of bed, made rice, and ate dinner - watched Sucker Punch, really really strange movie hahaha - whilst talking to G, :) and then Ciara rang to bitch about her work (haha life sucks when your colleagues suck, thats what i think).
Opened my inbox to find that Paeds results are OUT and I was ilke omg. Cos my case really didn't go well cos I managed to screw up about 75% of it haha with my mangled handling of a 3 year old and I made the West Syndrome baby cry when I had to do neuro exam cos she was drowsy post feeding BUT WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO RIGHT. anyway. Got this massive amount of relief when I saw I scraped my II Honors grade! Phew! Thank God!
That just wasn't a good time for me... I was under so much pressure (I can say this now, cos its all hindsight) that I've begun a personal almost-phobia of the child+infant... I was cringing at the thought of having to babysit once I get home to Singapore...and I still am! The whole 8 weeks was just so exhausting... the only day I really enjoyed was when I got to see the cardiothoracic surgery on a kid with Shon's Syndrome.. that was brilliant... hahaha... it pains me to be this way but seriously I'm just hoping the feeling diminishes with time.
ANYWAY that got me thinking - some days before during and after the exam I had this massive sinking feeling in my chest whenever I thought about paeds and stuff - I like medicine, > surgery most days, and I thoguht paeds would be my most enjoyable part of the year because that had the most medicine. It wasn't, I couldn't connect with kids, I couldn't really bring myself to care about asking about how they were doing in school or how many pets / carpets they had at home - and as stress of exams wore me down and stress of knowing stuff grated on me I really really didn't like it. I was just comparing it to obs and gynae which just shows you how pregnancy destroys your body - anyway -
My point is, contrasting it to how exhausted I am after 4 days of ICU elective + concurrent sai kang for the resp department - I have been SO MUCH HAPPIER these 96hours compared to the past. 4. months.
Ventilators are the most beautiful thing on the planet. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho.
One patient in today is an 84year old ex-doctor, and she woke up today and started eating and all that and then when we went around seeing patients she was very very crabby, and said stuff like 'I CAN HEAR YOU' when the consultant was trying to whisper quietly about her status, and when we left she said 'I CAN SAY ALL THESE THINGS COS I WAS A CONSULTANT BEFORE AS WELL' ahahahah. Oh god. Cantankerous old people. Gotta love them.
I really love the heart and the lungs. I am so so happy. Patients are really really sick and I initally thought this few weeks would be a drag, cos talking to patients is a big part of my 'kick' in medicine - but ICU is all about how to save people when surgery goes bad or when life goes bad in general, and that makes you a more morbid person in general but also it is beautiful in itself. It makes you grin when you see ur 81 year old romanian lady who's been doped up for a week but starting back to get back to herself and weaning off the ventilator slowly - no english at all, but when you walk past her bed and smile and give her a thumbs up she winks back and returns the gesture.
I was so tired today that I just went straight home at 315 and dropped by the Superquinns on the way back, got cheese crackers for a snack and got home, made a cup of tea, had the snack, and promptly passed out on my bed from 430 to 620. Omg. Waking up was like crawling through fog - I was like hmmm is it morning -- mmmmmmm i feel SO GOOOOOOOOD it feels SO GOOD to sleep - just cos I can! haha.
crawled out of bed, made rice, and ate dinner - watched Sucker Punch, really really strange movie hahaha - whilst talking to G, :) and then Ciara rang to bitch about her work (haha life sucks when your colleagues suck, thats what i think).
Opened my inbox to find that Paeds results are OUT and I was ilke omg. Cos my case really didn't go well cos I managed to screw up about 75% of it haha with my mangled handling of a 3 year old and I made the West Syndrome baby cry when I had to do neuro exam cos she was drowsy post feeding BUT WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO RIGHT. anyway. Got this massive amount of relief when I saw I scraped my II Honors grade! Phew! Thank God!
That just wasn't a good time for me... I was under so much pressure (I can say this now, cos its all hindsight) that I've begun a personal almost-phobia of the child+infant... I was cringing at the thought of having to babysit once I get home to Singapore...and I still am! The whole 8 weeks was just so exhausting... the only day I really enjoyed was when I got to see the cardiothoracic surgery on a kid with Shon's Syndrome.. that was brilliant... hahaha... it pains me to be this way but seriously I'm just hoping the feeling diminishes with time.
ANYWAY that got me thinking - some days before during and after the exam I had this massive sinking feeling in my chest whenever I thought about paeds and stuff - I like medicine, > surgery most days, and I thoguht paeds would be my most enjoyable part of the year because that had the most medicine. It wasn't, I couldn't connect with kids, I couldn't really bring myself to care about asking about how they were doing in school or how many pets / carpets they had at home - and as stress of exams wore me down and stress of knowing stuff grated on me I really really didn't like it. I was just comparing it to obs and gynae which just shows you how pregnancy destroys your body - anyway -
My point is, contrasting it to how exhausted I am after 4 days of ICU elective + concurrent sai kang for the resp department - I have been SO MUCH HAPPIER these 96hours compared to the past. 4. months.
Ventilators are the most beautiful thing on the planet. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho.
One patient in today is an 84year old ex-doctor, and she woke up today and started eating and all that and then when we went around seeing patients she was very very crabby, and said stuff like 'I CAN HEAR YOU' when the consultant was trying to whisper quietly about her status, and when we left she said 'I CAN SAY ALL THESE THINGS COS I WAS A CONSULTANT BEFORE AS WELL' ahahahah. Oh god. Cantankerous old people. Gotta love them.
I really love the heart and the lungs. I am so so happy. Patients are really really sick and I initally thought this few weeks would be a drag, cos talking to patients is a big part of my 'kick' in medicine - but ICU is all about how to save people when surgery goes bad or when life goes bad in general, and that makes you a more morbid person in general but also it is beautiful in itself. It makes you grin when you see ur 81 year old romanian lady who's been doped up for a week but starting back to get back to herself and weaning off the ventilator slowly - no english at all, but when you walk past her bed and smile and give her a thumbs up she winks back and returns the gesture.