(no subject)
i'm just taking a break from the quad party, this massive ordeal of 26 kegs of free beer. i don't understand why everyone is so happy. i've had two beers and i'm feeling it already, but it's making me feel sick. i'll probably keep drinking because it's free. alan is going out to buy liquor that doesn't make him feel sick at the lcbo. i guess i'd rather save money. i've been depressed all day. usually with people and alcohol i can feel alright. tonight at the picnic barbq before the party, which did not involve alcohol i did feel alright, but now i'm glad to be here in my room by myself listening to the music that i like. i was feeling selfconscious and did not have anything to say standing outside. once i get more drunk i will join the dancers.
i have this problem of being selfconscious while dancing. i know that i'm less selfconscious than most people, because i dance when other people don't, but it's still hard.
i feel better already, for writing this. i've been abstaining from livejournal because it's too much of "look at me," like emily said. i haven't wanted to post anything. but this is going up. yes it's a cry to look at me, and i wouldn't mind some sympathy, in fact maybe i'm dying for it. that's how i feel, what can i say.
alan told me to promise him not to stay in here and "dig myself a hole." it's nice of him. all the same, i just wanted to be alone. i'm going back out now.
i have this problem of being selfconscious while dancing. i know that i'm less selfconscious than most people, because i dance when other people don't, but it's still hard.
i feel better already, for writing this. i've been abstaining from livejournal because it's too much of "look at me," like emily said. i haven't wanted to post anything. but this is going up. yes it's a cry to look at me, and i wouldn't mind some sympathy, in fact maybe i'm dying for it. that's how i feel, what can i say.
alan told me to promise him not to stay in here and "dig myself a hole." it's nice of him. all the same, i just wanted to be alone. i'm going back out now.