Cathartic rant #427
Seriously, I'm really pissed off. And I don't have a good reason and I know it, yet I remain pissed off. Not just generally; I am specifically pissed off at one person in particular. If he were here, I think I would smack him. Or at least I would slam a door in his face or something. It just makes me mad that he pretends to be friends, but then he draws these invisible lines. When you cross that line, he backs off suddenly, coldly, and acts as if you're a freaking moron. Fuck you. You know who you are. Yet...you will probably also never find this journal online, which is good. Because tomorrow I will regret being angry and wonder why I even posted this stupid crap. It's sad that almost a year after I dumped you, I can still feel this way. So violently angry, so endlessly sad...and altogether sooooo done with feeling this way! I don't want to spend the rest of my life writing crappy prose online about how much I miss/hate/need/despise/wish i'd never met/still love you. I want to just get it out of my system, like a stomach flu. I just wish there was some sort of way to get myself to throw up everything at once, purge myself of all of the lingering feelings, good and bad, that I feel right now. Instead, it all stays in my stomach and in my mind, swirling around, affecting my mood and my well-being. Maybe what I need is some sort of emotional ipecac. So I can puke out all of what is leftover from our three years together...puke it out all at once so that I just feel gloriously empty...