The hardest thing I've ever done
was to be with myself.
And even this doesn't count because the miracle of modern television is that programs are broadcast 24/7, 365.
Even with the brain-numbing damage of TV, though, all kinds of questions manage to bubble up. Through the thick muck that my awareness has been reduced to, painful questions like the following make themselves apparent:
Do I actually want to apply for a PhD program? If I really am a researcher, then why do I spend hours on end with my ass glued to the couch? (Really, its embarrassing - I think my butt print is becoming permanent.)
...No, seriously, though - am I fit to be a professor? I love to think, and I have had more people than I can count who've told me that I'm an (overly) analytical person. I love the university atmosphere, the idea of collaborating and working with other thinkers, but does this mean I'm high enough caliber? Do I have what it takes to be a genuine knowledge creator and synthesizer?
A researcher is independently motivated, always seeks the underlying causes. A researcher is (self) aware and alert, always processing, always learning. A researcher knows how to gather and assimilate data - and more. So much more.
So do I qualify? Could I become someone like that? As I sit here and feel my ass spread, I feel the doubts rise.
Go figure that I also chose to apply to one of the most illustrious and challenging programs of its kind.... American University's School for International Service is considered a premiere program and, of the approximately 150 people who apply to their PhD track every year, only 10 are accepted. TEN. On their website, AU SIS says that work experience is a plus, as well as a couple other things that I don't have. What makes me think that I could put up any kind of real competition to an actual professional?!
...Am I motivated enough to produce knowledge? Sure, I like to think, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to create it... Does this mean I'd be a better fit for some DC think tank? But even getting there would require a doctorate...
Do I really want to commit the next 4+ years of my life to living and working in DC? To the poor, desperate life of a doctorate student? Everything I've heard about the process of getting a PhD is that it is long, tedious, and painstaking. Hours of grunt-work, either for one's own work, or for some professor that you're working or TA-ing for.
Which brings up the next question: do I want to teach? Would I be a good teacher? Do I really want to give out homework assignments, and grade them? Do I really want to create tests and administer them? Do I really want to take attendance, and tally points, and fail poor students? Do I have it in me to stand up and lecture in front of a hall full of sleepy, drugged-out, and/or completely uncaring students? What age could I handle, anyway?
Would I become jaded? Even if I managed to get a professorship somewhere, would I want it? Would I get sick of it?
Now I'm thinking a bit too much... I should focus on the movie that's on - "Alien Autopsy". So far so entertaining, lol.
And even this doesn't count because the miracle of modern television is that programs are broadcast 24/7, 365.
Even with the brain-numbing damage of TV, though, all kinds of questions manage to bubble up. Through the thick muck that my awareness has been reduced to, painful questions like the following make themselves apparent:
Do I actually want to apply for a PhD program? If I really am a researcher, then why do I spend hours on end with my ass glued to the couch? (Really, its embarrassing - I think my butt print is becoming permanent.)
...No, seriously, though - am I fit to be a professor? I love to think, and I have had more people than I can count who've told me that I'm an (overly) analytical person. I love the university atmosphere, the idea of collaborating and working with other thinkers, but does this mean I'm high enough caliber? Do I have what it takes to be a genuine knowledge creator and synthesizer?
A researcher is independently motivated, always seeks the underlying causes. A researcher is (self) aware and alert, always processing, always learning. A researcher knows how to gather and assimilate data - and more. So much more.
So do I qualify? Could I become someone like that? As I sit here and feel my ass spread, I feel the doubts rise.
Go figure that I also chose to apply to one of the most illustrious and challenging programs of its kind.... American University's School for International Service is considered a premiere program and, of the approximately 150 people who apply to their PhD track every year, only 10 are accepted. TEN. On their website, AU SIS says that work experience is a plus, as well as a couple other things that I don't have. What makes me think that I could put up any kind of real competition to an actual professional?!
...Am I motivated enough to produce knowledge? Sure, I like to think, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to create it... Does this mean I'd be a better fit for some DC think tank? But even getting there would require a doctorate...
Do I really want to commit the next 4+ years of my life to living and working in DC? To the poor, desperate life of a doctorate student? Everything I've heard about the process of getting a PhD is that it is long, tedious, and painstaking. Hours of grunt-work, either for one's own work, or for some professor that you're working or TA-ing for.
Which brings up the next question: do I want to teach? Would I be a good teacher? Do I really want to give out homework assignments, and grade them? Do I really want to create tests and administer them? Do I really want to take attendance, and tally points, and fail poor students? Do I have it in me to stand up and lecture in front of a hall full of sleepy, drugged-out, and/or completely uncaring students? What age could I handle, anyway?
Would I become jaded? Even if I managed to get a professorship somewhere, would I want it? Would I get sick of it?
Now I'm thinking a bit too much... I should focus on the movie that's on - "Alien Autopsy". So far so entertaining, lol.