The Agony of being a Mathphobe
Back in January, I took the GRE. No preparation, no anything - I walked into the testing center, plopped myself down in the seat, and walked out a few hours later. I wasn't too pressed about my results, but I wanted to well (naturally - I paid over a hundred bucks to put myself through that!).
But now the stakes are higher. This time, I have a goal in mind. This time, I'm applying to the one of the most prestigious schools of its kind, and my second set of scores will need to show significant improvement if I want to distinguish myself from the other applicants that have their hopes pinned on this program, too.
At American University's School for International Service, "the combined average GRE score for admitted students is 610 for
Verbal, 640 for Quantitative, and 5.1 for Analytical." In contrast, my first set of GRE scores is 570 for Verbal, 350 for Quantitative, and 4.5 for Analytical...
I'm taking the GRE again on September 29th, which means I have 28 days to improve my Verbal score by 40, my Quantitative score by 290, and my Analytical score by 0.6.
I'm freaking out. I have to improve all of my scores - substantially - to even get to the average score of an admitted AU SIS student!!! Just average! I've been biting my nails again, and I really don't like that habit.
______________________________________________
I've always had issues with math. Its always a right or a wrong, answer - there's no grey space - and that finality terrifies me. I take it personally when I write down or speak the wrong answer. If I make a mistake, then I must be a mistake...
My chest constricts the more time I spend with numbers. I feel my mind glaze over. There are so many rules, and exceptions to the rules, and different combinations of numbers, integers, digits, fractions, percentages - the vocabulary numbs and intimidates me.
I'm afraid to ask for help, because then I assume that the other person knows my weakness and will hold it over me. So I feel isolated, as I'm drowned by numbers.
I feel powerless, held hostage by something that I feel should be so simple. My ego interferes as I rage: these are below me! I am better than numbers, I am more than numbers. I don't need them!
I cry. I look away. I hide. I yell. I make flippant gestures. I begin to hate these things, even though there's no way they could harbor any similar sentiment towards myself.
_________________________________________________Perhaps the key to improving my Quantitative score is not necesarily to cram various rules and theorems (although knowing that information will certainly help), but rather the more zen approach of learning to let go and let be. If I can detach from previous pains (being shamed for not knowing my multiplication tables) and focus on the present, then maybe I'll do better than I could've hoped for.
But now the stakes are higher. This time, I have a goal in mind. This time, I'm applying to the one of the most prestigious schools of its kind, and my second set of scores will need to show significant improvement if I want to distinguish myself from the other applicants that have their hopes pinned on this program, too.
At American University's School for International Service, "the combined average GRE score for admitted students is 610 for
Verbal, 640 for Quantitative, and 5.1 for Analytical." In contrast, my first set of GRE scores is 570 for Verbal, 350 for Quantitative, and 4.5 for Analytical...
I'm taking the GRE again on September 29th, which means I have 28 days to improve my Verbal score by 40, my Quantitative score by 290, and my Analytical score by 0.6.
I'm freaking out. I have to improve all of my scores - substantially - to even get to the average score of an admitted AU SIS student!!! Just average! I've been biting my nails again, and I really don't like that habit.
______________________________________________
I've always had issues with math. Its always a right or a wrong, answer - there's no grey space - and that finality terrifies me. I take it personally when I write down or speak the wrong answer. If I make a mistake, then I must be a mistake...
My chest constricts the more time I spend with numbers. I feel my mind glaze over. There are so many rules, and exceptions to the rules, and different combinations of numbers, integers, digits, fractions, percentages - the vocabulary numbs and intimidates me.
I'm afraid to ask for help, because then I assume that the other person knows my weakness and will hold it over me. So I feel isolated, as I'm drowned by numbers.
I feel powerless, held hostage by something that I feel should be so simple. My ego interferes as I rage: these are below me! I am better than numbers, I am more than numbers. I don't need them!
I cry. I look away. I hide. I yell. I make flippant gestures. I begin to hate these things, even though there's no way they could harbor any similar sentiment towards myself.
_________________________________________________Perhaps the key to improving my Quantitative score is not necesarily to cram various rules and theorems (although knowing that information will certainly help), but rather the more zen approach of learning to let go and let be. If I can detach from previous pains (being shamed for not knowing my multiplication tables) and focus on the present, then maybe I'll do better than I could've hoped for.