Though I'd die to know you love me I'm all alone
Once upon a time there were two little kids who got lost in the dark forest. They were searching for a knight on a big white horse, but the knight got lost too. Everyone got lost, and sometimes they found their way back. The little boy idolized his sister and he was determined not to let her stay lost in the dark so he gave her the one thing she needed. Peace.
"FAITH!" The loud angry voice from the living room and I stop in my tracks near the kitchen door.
"What?"
"Where are you going?" She appears in the doorway, cheap waitress uniform still clinging to a body that's worn and ragged. She's pretty but she's trashy, it's apparent to anyone who looks at her.
"Nowhere." I shrug, shrinking back towards the door and hoping she's in a good mood. "Out with my friends."
"Pick me up a pack of smokes while you're out, would ya?" She demands, practically flinging a five dollar bill at me.
"Mama, they won't sell cigarettes to me, remember? You have to be eighteen." I remind her for what has to be the twentieth time.
"I've had just about enough of your sass..." She starts towards me but I already have the five dollar bill in my hand and am out the door.
I'm never coming home again.
* * * * * * * * * * *
It's a chainsaw. The screaming of it makes my blood rage in my veins and the faint feeling of sick rise up in my throat. I want to die, and I wonder how quickly he can turn that chainsaw on me. More than that, I wonder how it is a guy with hooves for hands can even use a chainsaw.
I'm riveted.
Transfixed.
She's screaming and I can't move a muscle.
Finally the screaming stops and I'm still staring at her broken body, his form looming over her.
"Some slayer," He snickers at me and as I raise my chin up to meet his gaze something snaps inside of me. I'm not going to win.
Failure. Failure. Failure.
And so I turn and I run. I don't even know I'm running until I hear the hollow echo of my sneakers pounding against the rock. His voice taunting me from inside.
Run away. Run. Away.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
It's fire and grace and violence. I fucking love it, watching her eyes darken like that. Try so hard for so long to get under her skin and she just ignores me like I'm not even here. Not even real. She can touch and feel and taste and I'm still the shadow of something she wants more.
I hate vampires.
"That's mine."
"You're about to get it back."
God, it.....hurts. So good. It's almost like a drug that hits your veins so quick you only feel a second of bliss before the pain hits you. Before the PSAs start to play and they tell you drugs are bad they make you stupid and get you killed.
I'm very stupid.
"You did it. You killed me."
I'm towering over her now but she's won, she's got the upper hand. Just the way she likes it. I roll over and beg just the way she likes it and it's still not enough.
"Shoulda been there, B, quite a ride."
Falling away from her I know I'll never really touch her again the way I did tonight. And so it's okay.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Angel please, just do it! Just do it! Just kill me. Just kill me!"
It's black and it's cold and it FUCKING SUCKS cause there's not left. I burn those bridges down like it's going out of style and everytime I turn to run I hit another wall.
I'm tired of falling down.
I just want this one little thing and he's a fucking vampire! Why can't he give it to me? I'd rip out his heart if I could but he's right. I'm not young, all worn around the edges faded jeans and dirty boots.
It has to be him! He's just like me, another one of B's little castaways. Tossed aside for some beefcake who wanted to spoon afterwards. But he's seen her the way I see her. Smells her, tastes her, touches her...
"Shh. It's all right. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here."
I'm tired of running.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Rabid dog. I want to be sick after watching what he did to the smacked up little girl in the next room. And he calls me the rabid dog. Did I do this to him? The more he talks the more I think he's practiced this speech in the mirror. For years. Folded and twisted into something I created a long time ago.
I still take it though, listen to the words and lean in for more. Because it has to be him. He's seen him the way I've seen him. Touches him, smells him, tastes him...
"You have to be willing to take it all the way, Faith."
"I can't risk killing Angel. Not after what he's done for me. There's got to be another way."
There's something in his eyes, like maybe he really has practiced this speech in the mirror and all he's been waiting for is a little respect. He just got it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What are you laughing at?"
She's sneaky, love that about her. The way she moves, the way she talks the way she looks at me with that look and I know exactly what she wants where she wants it when she wants it.
"Who? Me?" She asks innocently.
"No, the other girl who's giggling in here." I raise an eyebrow as I reach up from the bed to curl an arm around her small waist and pull her into bed with me.
"I dared Spike to put an alka seltzer tablet on his tongue."
"And he did it?"
"Reckon he was just drunk enough to." She smiles down at me as I rest my head in her lap. "Now he's running around the backyard lookin' for the hose."
"The hose?"
"So he can wash his mouth out."
"What about the kitchen sink?"
She grins slyly before handing me the cool metal tap to the kitchen sink. I can't help it, I'm laughing too.
"You are evil."
Sitting up I pull her down onto the bed so she's underneath me and push some strands of dark hair out of her face. "Fucking love you." I whisper and it's so strange and fresh to feel that safe. Cause I can see it in her eyes, she wants me just as much as bad as I want her.
I woke up with a start and felt like my whole body was dizzy and hot for a sec. It was so disorienting but I wasn't gasping for breath. Shaking my head I glanced around and realized I was in a small beige room. There was nothin' really all that special about it, except for one thing.
"Oh...shit!" I yelled out as I sprung up to my feet and took a few steps back, staring at the familiar figure standing across from me.
"I'm dead."
"FAITH!" The loud angry voice from the living room and I stop in my tracks near the kitchen door.
"What?"
"Where are you going?" She appears in the doorway, cheap waitress uniform still clinging to a body that's worn and ragged. She's pretty but she's trashy, it's apparent to anyone who looks at her.
"Nowhere." I shrug, shrinking back towards the door and hoping she's in a good mood. "Out with my friends."
"Pick me up a pack of smokes while you're out, would ya?" She demands, practically flinging a five dollar bill at me.
"Mama, they won't sell cigarettes to me, remember? You have to be eighteen." I remind her for what has to be the twentieth time.
"I've had just about enough of your sass..." She starts towards me but I already have the five dollar bill in my hand and am out the door.
I'm never coming home again.
* * * * * * * * * * *
It's a chainsaw. The screaming of it makes my blood rage in my veins and the faint feeling of sick rise up in my throat. I want to die, and I wonder how quickly he can turn that chainsaw on me. More than that, I wonder how it is a guy with hooves for hands can even use a chainsaw.
I'm riveted.
Transfixed.
She's screaming and I can't move a muscle.
Finally the screaming stops and I'm still staring at her broken body, his form looming over her.
"Some slayer," He snickers at me and as I raise my chin up to meet his gaze something snaps inside of me. I'm not going to win.
Failure. Failure. Failure.
And so I turn and I run. I don't even know I'm running until I hear the hollow echo of my sneakers pounding against the rock. His voice taunting me from inside.
Run away. Run. Away.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
It's fire and grace and violence. I fucking love it, watching her eyes darken like that. Try so hard for so long to get under her skin and she just ignores me like I'm not even here. Not even real. She can touch and feel and taste and I'm still the shadow of something she wants more.
I hate vampires.
"That's mine."
"You're about to get it back."
God, it.....hurts. So good. It's almost like a drug that hits your veins so quick you only feel a second of bliss before the pain hits you. Before the PSAs start to play and they tell you drugs are bad they make you stupid and get you killed.
I'm very stupid.
"You did it. You killed me."
I'm towering over her now but she's won, she's got the upper hand. Just the way she likes it. I roll over and beg just the way she likes it and it's still not enough.
"Shoulda been there, B, quite a ride."
Falling away from her I know I'll never really touch her again the way I did tonight. And so it's okay.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Angel please, just do it! Just do it! Just kill me. Just kill me!"
It's black and it's cold and it FUCKING SUCKS cause there's not left. I burn those bridges down like it's going out of style and everytime I turn to run I hit another wall.
I'm tired of falling down.
I just want this one little thing and he's a fucking vampire! Why can't he give it to me? I'd rip out his heart if I could but he's right. I'm not young, all worn around the edges faded jeans and dirty boots.
It has to be him! He's just like me, another one of B's little castaways. Tossed aside for some beefcake who wanted to spoon afterwards. But he's seen her the way I see her. Smells her, tastes her, touches her...
"Shh. It's all right. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here."
I'm tired of running.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Rabid dog. I want to be sick after watching what he did to the smacked up little girl in the next room. And he calls me the rabid dog. Did I do this to him? The more he talks the more I think he's practiced this speech in the mirror. For years. Folded and twisted into something I created a long time ago.
I still take it though, listen to the words and lean in for more. Because it has to be him. He's seen him the way I've seen him. Touches him, smells him, tastes him...
"You have to be willing to take it all the way, Faith."
"I can't risk killing Angel. Not after what he's done for me. There's got to be another way."
There's something in his eyes, like maybe he really has practiced this speech in the mirror and all he's been waiting for is a little respect. He just got it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What are you laughing at?"
She's sneaky, love that about her. The way she moves, the way she talks the way she looks at me with that look and I know exactly what she wants where she wants it when she wants it.
"Who? Me?" She asks innocently.
"No, the other girl who's giggling in here." I raise an eyebrow as I reach up from the bed to curl an arm around her small waist and pull her into bed with me.
"I dared Spike to put an alka seltzer tablet on his tongue."
"And he did it?"
"Reckon he was just drunk enough to." She smiles down at me as I rest my head in her lap. "Now he's running around the backyard lookin' for the hose."
"The hose?"
"So he can wash his mouth out."
"What about the kitchen sink?"
She grins slyly before handing me the cool metal tap to the kitchen sink. I can't help it, I'm laughing too.
"You are evil."
Sitting up I pull her down onto the bed so she's underneath me and push some strands of dark hair out of her face. "Fucking love you." I whisper and it's so strange and fresh to feel that safe. Cause I can see it in her eyes, she wants me just as much as bad as I want her.
I woke up with a start and felt like my whole body was dizzy and hot for a sec. It was so disorienting but I wasn't gasping for breath. Shaking my head I glanced around and realized I was in a small beige room. There was nothin' really all that special about it, except for one thing.
"Oh...shit!" I yelled out as I sprung up to my feet and took a few steps back, staring at the familiar figure standing across from me.
"I'm dead."